This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic
by ThisLifeILive
Summary: Cara is studying abroad in England where she is staying with the Malik family. Will she fall for her dreamy host brother Zayn? Or will the awkwardness of being host brother and sister force Cara to choose one of Zayn's four best friends: Niall, Liam, Louis, and Harry?
1. Chapter 1: New Beginnings

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #1)

"This is your stop, miss," the cab driver stated. "Let me get your bags." I got out of the car and stared at the large brown stone townhouse in front of me. Although I couldn't help but admire the house, which was much nicer than any of the others we had passed on the short drive from the airport, I still couldn't stop shaking with nervousness.

The cab driver placed my single black suitcase on the top of the steps leading to the front door and gave me an encouraging smile. Perhaps he sensed how much I was freaking out.

"Don't worry, miss, the Maliks are a good family," he said with a smile, before getting into the cab and driving away. I sighed, wondering for the millionth time if choosing to take a year abroad in Bradford, England, had really been such a good idea. What if the Maliks, my host family, were mean or didn't like me? I had enough trouble getting people to like me at the small school I attended in upstate New York. I was somewhat shy, and it took me a while to feel comfortable and act like myself.

Quickly, before I could talk myself out of it further, I knocked on the door. I gripped onto the handle of my suitcase sure that at any moment I would faint from all my nerves.

A smiling brunette lady opened the door and pulled me into a fierce hug.

"You must be Cara! I'm so glad you made it here safely!" she cried holding me at arms length.

I couldn't but smile at how friendly and nice she was.

"I'm Tricia by the way, but you have to call me 'mum', alright?" I nodded, hoping to thank her for her kindness for letting me stay with them.

"Mum, let her get a word in…" a girl at Tricia's elbow who looked to be about twelve said.

That's when I realized that there were five other people standing behind Tricia, all smiling at me encouragingly.

"Come on inside," a tall man wearing a Manchester United shirt (who I assumed was Tricia's husband) said, ushering me inside.

"Zayn, help Cara with her suitcase!" he ordered, pointing to the suitcase I was positioning awkwardly on the top step.

"Oh no it's fine, I can do it," I cried. The last thing I wanted was to be a burden.

"No please, let me do it," a voice said. I looked up and almost fainted. The most beautiful boy I had ever seen was reaching for my suitcase. He was attractive not because of his gelled black hair or beautiful dark brown eyes. He was attractive in the way he was looking at me, his face both innocent and caring. Usually I like to do things for myself but I was so overwhelmed by his good looks and the kindness that seemed to radiate from him that I just nodded meekly as he picked up my suitcase.

I followed everyone into the kitchen. Wow, their house was as nice on the inside as it was on the outside! The kitchen was large and spacious, and the countertops and appliances gleamed in the soft natural light.

Tricia and the rest of the family were all talking a mile a minute, and I couldn't keep up with any one conversation for more than a few seconds.

"Introductions!" Patricia exclaimed after everyone had sat down on the kitchen's bar stools.

"This is my oldest daughter Doniya," Patricia said, touching Doniya's arm. I smiled at her, and she smiled back. Her hair was a beautiful raven black, and there was something mischievous in her smile.

"And this is Waliyha and Safaa," Patricia said. Both girls ran up and hugged me.

"And I'm Yasser, but like Patricia said earlier, please call me dad," Yasser, the Manchester United man, cut in. I nodded quickly, watching from the corner of my eye as the attractive boy who had taken my suitcase entered the kitchen.

"This is my oldest, Zayn," Patricia said, running her hands through his gorgeous hair fondly.

"Hi," I murmured, trying not to stare at him, but not really succeeding. _Come on Cara, you don't want him to think you're some weird freak_, I thought. _Hahaha, well he will found out soon enough, anyways_, I decided. Yes, I talk to myself in my head. Further proof that I am a freak.

"Zayn stop staring at her like you've never seen a girl before," Doniya said whilst smirking. I looked away as fast as I could and pretended to be admiring the countertops.

"I wasn't staring," Zayn said quickly, sending Doniya a dirty look.

"Oh stop it you two," Patricia muttered. "Cara, I'm sure you're exhausted from all your traveling today, so let's get you settled in for the night. Doniya, show her the guest bedroom, alright?"

I followed Doniya through the kitchen. When we walked past Zayn, I couldn't help but notice how good he smelled. Like aftershave. _Oh god Cara, get your hormones under control_, I commanded myself.

We made our way up the stairs and down a long hardwood corridor.

"This is my room," Doniya said, touching the first door, which had a sign with her name on it done in neon leopard print.

"This is Waliyha's and Saffa's room," she said, touching the next door, which had a collage of Justin Bieber pictures. The door was slightly ajar, but all I could make out was a lot of purple and pink.

"They're Belieber's?" I asked, chuckling.

"Yep, we're big fans around here," she joked, rolling her eyes.

"This is Zayn's room," Doniya said, touching the plain white door beside Waliyha and Saffa's door. "And this is yours," she said, opening the door next to Zayn's room, the last in the hallway.

"This is amazing!" I shouted, staring at the beautiful hardwood floors, pale gray walls, and all black furniture. In the center of the room was a giant four poster bed, covered in beautiful purple and grey bedding.

"I'm glad you like it! The bathroom's just down the hall, but let me know if you need anything else. You probably want to rest now," she said, waving as she left the room, and closing the door behind her.

Doniya was right… I _was_ tired. I had barely slept on the plane from New York, and had been much too excited to nap during the cab ride. I opened my suitcase and pulled on my pajamas. I would worry about unpacking the rest of my things tomorrow.

I collapsed into the bed and replayed the day's events in my head: awesome host family, awesome house, awesome room, sex-god host brother.

My host family was amazing, that was obvious. Now I just had one problem: how was I going to survive the next year living with only wall between myself and the hottest person on the planet?

**Zayn's POV:**

After Doniya showed Cara her room, I went to my room and found my laptop and power cord under a pile of crap on my desk.

I logged in to a group chat on msn, and sighed in relief when the names of my four best mates from school, Harry, Liam, Niall, and Louis, appeared. He didn't know what to think about Cara. She was easily the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, with her soft blond hair, pale skin, big green eyes, and the way she just seemed so _nice_…. Oh god, this was bad. I was half in love with her already, and I'm supposed to be her _host brother_. How sick is that?

Yeah, I definitely needed to talk to my four best mates about this.

**Bradfordboi217: GROUP CHAT NOW **

I drummed my fingers on the keyboard as I waited for the other boys to reply.

**Hazzalovesyou: Heyyy guyz. Did that exchange gurl arrive yet? **

All of a sudden I wasn't so sure I wanted to tell the other guys about Cara. Only Liam had a girlfriend and the rest were always talking and flirting and hooking up with girls without a second thought. It sounded crazy after only knowing Cara for a few minutes, but I would never want her to be subjected to their womanizing teenage-boy ways.

**Blondleprechaun: If so, I call dibs. **

Only Niall would call dibs on a girl he's never even seen before over the internet... and this was just the kind of thing I had wanted to avoid…

**Ihatespoons22: You can't dibs a girl over the internet, Niall -.-**

At least Liam understood!

**Ihatespoons22: Besides you don't even know what she looks like! ;p**

**LouBearTomlinson: Ten quid shes hot**

Typical Louis.

**Hazzalovesyou: hotter than me? ;)**

Typical flirty Harry. I shuddered to think what he would do if he ever got close to Cara.

**Blondleperchaun:…. **

**Ihatespoons22:…..**

**LouBearTomlinson:…. **

**Hazzalovesyou: YOU GUYS ARE MEAN! **

I couldn't help but laugh. Oh Harry….

**Blondleprechaun: I just needa remind everyone that I have dibs**

**Bradfordboi217: NOBODY HAS DIBS **

**Hazzalovesyou: …say I'm hot and I'll agree…**

**Blondleperchaun: In your dreams, Styles**

**Ihatespoons22: R u bringing her to school 2morrow?**

I sighed. Cara would be starting in my form tomorrow, though I had no clue what her schedule would be. Hopefully, I would have all my classes with her, _without_ the rest of the boys. I mean, obviously they would run into Cara eventually… I sighed again and typed back in defeat.

**Bradfordboi217: She's in our form, so yea, guess ill bring her 2morrow **

**LouBearTomlinson: Make ur new "sister" wear something hot, eh? XD**

**Blondleperchaun: afhjkimfibvbk **

**Ihatespoons22: Niall?**

**Blondleperchaun: FUCK**

**Blondleperchaun: Spilled my nandos chicken wrap on my keyboard… AGAIN gtg see u guys 2morrow!**

**Blondleperchaun** has signed off chat

**LouBearTomlinson: REMEMBER: SHE MUST WEAR SOMETHING HOT jk jk bye bye now lads ;)**

**LouBearTomlinson** has signed off chat

**Hazzalovesyou**: **Nobody told me that I'm hot… ****…. Have to go cry now… bye **

**Hazzalovesyou** has signed off chat

**Bradfordboi217: U hav 2 go too Liam?**

**Ihatespoons22: Not yet. Nobody else is online except Danielle + she and I had a major fight last night (**

Danielle and Liam were always fighting, breaking up, and getting back together again. It was pretty damn confusing.

**Bradfordboi217: Christ man, ditch her if you fight that much!**

**Ihatespoons22: U don't understand, u hav never been in love…**

At least that much was true. Sometimes it was scary how well Liam knew me.

**Ihatespoons22: FUCK Danielle is calling, she wants to apologize…. Ttyl!**

**Ihatespoons22: Oh and goodluck with the "sister" ;)**

**Ihatespoons22**has signed off chat

Why does Liam act like he knows everything? I could never date Cara…. She's basically my sister, and plus I barely even know her. Before I could think more about any of this, I got into my bed, pulled out my ipod, and put in some TuPac to drown out the world.


	2. Chapter 2: First Day with the Boys

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #2)

**Chapter #2 (Woohoo! If you are reading this, I love you all, you have no idea, it means so much to me!)**

*Cara's POV*

I woke to the sound of my alarm clock and hopped out of bed. I made my way to the bathroom and jumped into the shower. I changed into a simple outfit: black leather leggings, white Nike high tops, and a simple grey V-neck.

I brushed my hair and applied minimal makeup: powder and mascara. I'm not really one of those girly-girl types.

I grabbed my backpack, navy Juicy track jacket, and my phone (not that any of my friends would be awake to text me) and headed down stairs.

In the kitchen Tricia was making breakfast, and everyone else was sitting down at the table.

I sat in the only empty space.

"How did you sleep?" Tricia asked me, rubbing my shoulders soothingly.

"Great," I said, smiling up at her appreciatively. She handed me a plate of eggs with spinach. "Your program called ahead to warn us that you're a vegetarian, so I made sure not to cook you any bacon!"

I thanked her quickly. Tricia seemed to think of everything!

"Oh and you'll probably want salt. Zayn, pass Cara the salt!" Tricia commanded. My heart fluttered in my chest as soon as I heard his name. Until now, I had avoided looking at Zayn, because I didn't want to blush and give myself away.

Zayn finally looked up from his food and started choking and coughing. His reaction felt like a slap in the face.

_Oh god, I don't look that bad, do I? _ I thought.

Waliyha slapped him on the back a few times.

"No need to die over there, Zayn, we all know she's fit," Doniya muttered into her cereal.

_Fit? I wasn't fit… I only played soccer… _

Zayn shot Doniya a look and passed me the salt wordlessly.

After everyone was done eating, Tricia told Zayn to take us to school.

"And watch out for Cara, its her first day, so introduce her to your mates, and help her with her schedule. She's your sister, now, Zayn," Tricia said to him sternly as we piled into Zayn's car.

Somehow I ended up in the passenger seat, despite my protests. But Doniya had insisted with a knowing smile.

Zayn had made it obvious that he wasn't interested in me, as his sister, or as anything more. He hadn't said a word to me this morning and ended up gagging the second we made eye contact. Yes, Mr. Zayn had made it pretty damn clear he wanted nothing to do with me. The best thing to do was to just ignore him entirely at school: it was obvious that was what he wanted.

We dropped Safaa and Waliyha off first, and then Doniya.

As Doniya was getting out of the car she pinched Zayn's cheek. "Watch out for Cara, will you? You two cuties have fun!" She sing-songed, waving at me.

I turned a horrible shade of pink and pretended that I found the passenger side window design especially interesting. I didn't want to be reminded of the fact that the most attractive boy on the planet didn't like my company. Zayn continued his hostility by ignoring me further. He turned up the radio and found a station playing John Mayer, my favorite singer. This was going to be a long drive….

That was when I noticed how nice Zayn's car was. It was a sleek, black BMW, obviously only a few months old. I wondered how an eighteen year old boy from Bradford could afford such a nice car…

We pulled into the parking lot at school and before I could unfasten my seat belt all the way, Zayn was opening my door for me.

Where did that come from? I thought.

"Thanks," I muttered, trying not to make eye contact with this boy who found my presence repulsive and gag-worthy.

"Do you want me to show you to the administrator's office? She'll have your schedule," Zayn said softly, touching my shoulder.

His fingers brushing my jacket felt like an electric shock. I tried to brush the feeling away and remember his choking at my appearance in the kitchen this morning.

I jerked my shoulder away.

"No thank you. You've already been plenty of help," I said, trying to control the anger in my tone.

With that, I turned on my heel and walked up the stairs into the school. I made my way down a few hallways but by the time I realized I didn't have any clue where I was going I was hopelessly lost.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and spun around.

"Lost?" an adorable blond haired boy asked.

"Yeah, its my first day, I'm looking for the administrator's office…"

"Oh! You must be Cara, the exchange student from the US! I'm Niall Horan by the way," the boy said, breaking into the world's cutest smile. Niall Horan… for some reason that name sounded really familiar to me.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked. _And why do you have an Irish accent?_ I wondered.

"Everyone was waiting for you to arrive," he said, smiling at me again. I felt my knees go a little weak.

"Oh and the administrator's office is this way," he said, taking my hand. _Take that Zayn, clearly not all boys think I'm ugly._

We started walking amid the crowded hallway. There was lots of noise, but I still managed to hear him mutter under his breath "Louis is getting ten quid…"

"We have Music together," Niall said enthusiastically, holding my new schedule. Just as he said that the bell rang, and all the students started rushing past us.

"Do you know where Biology is? That's what I have first," I said, pointing to my schedule.

"Of course. I wouldn't be Niall Horan if I didn't know everything," he said, smirking at me.

"Well I wouldn't be Cara Johnson if I wasn't directionally challenged," I joked. He laughed.

"Let me walk you there?" he asked. I nodded quickly. I wasn't in the habit of denying hot boys the pleasure of my company. Except Zayn that was. I wondered what he would say if he saw Niall and I together. _Scratch that, he wouldn't say anything, because he wouldn't care, Cara! _

Niall took my hand again and lead me down the hall. A minute later, we arrived at the classroom.

"Well here we are," he said, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. I felt shivers slide

down my back.

"Thanks for all the help. If it wasn't for you, I would still be lost!"

"Listen, do you have plans for lunch?"

"Niall, this is my first day, who would I possibly have plans with?" I asked, laughing.

"Zayn?" he asked, worry evident on his face as he extricated his fingers and tucked them in his pockets. It was cheesy to say, but I missed the comforting sensation of his hand in mine already.

"You know Zayn?" I asked. All of a sudden my breathing was becoming a little jagged. I supposed it was completely likely, there was only about a hundred kids in my form, according to the lady in the administration office.

"Of course I know Zayn! I don't just know everything, I know every_one_, too!" I smiled, glad he was back to his normal flirty self.

"Well just to be clear. There's only one person I have lunch plans for, and it's not Zayn," I said.

'You better be talking about me," Niall said, touching my arm.

"Well no shit, Sherlock," I said, which made him laugh.

"See you at lunch then, Miss USA," he said, giving me a final smile.

"Back atcha, Irish Boy," I called down the hall after him. His laughter was still echoing in my mind as I ducked into the Biology classroom.

By the time I arrived, there was only one empty seat in the second to last row, next to a curly-haired boy wearing a grey sweater with a picture of a cat on it. _That's cute_, I thought, and I wasn't being sarcastic. I love cats!

The teacher started her lesson, and I took out a notebook and tried to pay attention.

As soon as the teacher turned around, the curly haired boy slipped me a note.

So you're Cara, eh?

It was weird that everyone seemed to know who I was… I wasn't even remotely well known at my old school. I mean, I wasn't antisocial, but I had my group of friends and that was it. He seemed friendly, and after I did a covert check-out from the corner of my eye, I realized he wasn't half bad looking. Naturally, I had to reply.

Yeah… and you are?

I passed the note back and returned to copying down what the teacher had written on the board. The next note fell on my desk a second later.

The name's Styles. Harry Styles ;)

For some reason, the name sounded oddly familiar, just like Niall's name earlier, as if I had heard it on TV or something. Before I could place it though, the teacher was instructing us to pick a lab partner and Harry was kneeling by my desk.

"Hi Cara," he said, touching my hand lightly. Now that he was kneeling by my desk I could finally get a good look at him. _Oh god, he was beautiful_. He had thick, unruly, chocolate brown curls, the cutest dimples, and the most amazing eyes. I got the impression that he could have asked me to murder puppies, and I would have gone along just because of those eyes. Ok, maybe not quite, but you get the idea. He was quite attractive. And he smelled like Hugo Boss. Score. Part of me wondered why all British boys were so good looking… it just didn't seem fair!

"Hi Harry," I said weakly.

"I take it you got my note," he smirked, picking up my pencil and playing with it.

"After I spent half an hour decoding your handwriting?" I teased. He laughed, and I couldn't help but notice how much I liked the sound of his laughter.

"Hey, my writings not that bad… I'm actually pretty good with my hands, if you want to know the truth," Harry said, looking up at me under his very long lashes.

I burst out laughing at his "sexy face".

"Well I'd have to get to know you first to know if that was true," I pointed out.

"We could get to know each other over lunch…"

"I'd like to, but I already said I was going with someone else," I hedged. Harry clutched his heart in mock shock.

"Zayn asked you first, huh?" he said, not meeting my eyes.

I laughed. "To be honest, I don't think Zayn likes me very much," I muttered. Luckily, the bell ringing drowned out my words.

"Speaking of lunch, that's the bell. If I can't take you out, at least let me introduce you to some people," Harry offered warmly, leading me out of the classroom.

We headed into a small outdoor courtyard, with clusters of picnic tables and a large stone fountain in the center. Other students were already sitting or talking in clumps.

"Louis, Liam, over here!" Harry yelled, signaling to two other boys. When they turned around I sighed in frustration. Oh god, why is the entire British male population so damn attractive? And with my teenage hormones? This was not good.

Both boys approaching us had brown hair. One was wearing stripes, chinos, and Toms, and he shook my hand graciously.

"I'm Louis, or Lou-Bear as the others call me," he said, wiggling his eyebrows at me. I couldn't help but like him instantly.

"And this is Liam," Harry said, slapping the other boy on the shoulder. As soon as I looked up at him I wanted to scream in frustration. He looked like he had taken a page out of Zayn's sex-god handbook, I'll leave it at that.

*Liam's POV*:

Well Niall is winning ten quid, that's for sure. Cara was beautiful in every way I could think of. And the way she bit her lip as she smiled at me uncertainly….

*Cara's POV*

"Niall, over here!" Louis called, waving the blonde over. I felt my heart beat a tiny bit faster in my chest at his approach.

"Hi Niall," I said, trying to normalize my voice.

"Hey babe," he said, smiling at me casually.

"Zayn, come join us mate!" Liam yelled. Oh god, not _him_, I thought before I could stop myself. The last thing I wanted to see was his agonizing perfection. I mean, I already had to live with the damn boy, wasn't that torture enough?

I tried to ignore Zayn as he walked over, deciding to complement Niall on his Supras instead.

When Zayn joined our tight little group, the boys immediately started making plans for lunch.

"What do you want to eat, Cara?" Louis asked kindly.

"Sorry mate, Cara is coming with me," Niall butted in, slinging his arm around me. The familiar butterflies rose in my chest as Zayn looked away in disgust.

*Zayn's POV *

I FUCKING KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN. Why does Niall think he can just…. Just….. just put his fucking arm around _my_ exchange student? I could barely stomach the sight of he and Cara together, so I looked away as quickly as possible. I know it doesn't make sense to feel so strongly about a person after only knowing them for such a short period of time - especially after she blew up at me this morning. But whether she hates me or not, the idea of she and anyone else is just so wrong. I tried my best to ignore the way Niall, Harry, and even Liam, were looking at her. This was going to make our band practices horrible, I reflected, in a brief moment of clarity before I remembered that my band mates were ogling Cara.

It was clear as she and Niall walked hand in hand out of the courtyard that my host sister wanted to stay as far away from me as possible.

**Authors Note: **

**AHHH I am sorry it has taken me so long to upload this, and more will come shortly since I have had a ton of new ideas. **

**Also I just need to say a huge THANK YOU to anyone who had read this far, give me as much advice as you can please (just private message me, I am really friendly, sort of) lol. Anyways thank you again! And sorry there is a lot of angst... hehe I love me some teenage angst! Next chapter up soon xxx**


	3. Chapter 3: A Date?

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #3)

**Chapter #3 **

*Cara's POV*

"This way," Niall said, leading me down a quiet side street. We were only a few minutes away from school, but without the other boys, I felt as if we were in another city.

We arrived at a small café, and Niall found us a table outside.

"Wait here, I'll get the food," he said.

I sat down at the table and thought back to the scene a few minutes earlier. I had tried my hardest to ignore Zayn but I still managed to catch his eye as we walked past. I still wasn't sure what I had seen on his face. Anger, for sure, (at me, no doubt) but perhaps before that… pain? I wasn't sure.

Niall returned with sandwiches, chips, and drinks and we spent the next hour talking and laughing and bonding over our mutual love of food. It was refreshing that he didn't think I was some kind of fat loser because of how much I loved food!

We also seemed to have a lot in common: we both had older brothers, we both were really dedicated to our families, we both loved music, especially Michael Buble, and we both loved candy and thought Justin Bieber was overrated.

Niall was so easy to talk to, and the way his eyes lit up when he looked at me made me want to melt. We were walking back to the school when Niall reached for my hand again.

"Can I ask you something, Cara?"

"You just did," I said, punching him lightly in the shoulder with my free hand. He chuckled.

"Will you go out with me this Friday night? I know a great restaurant close by."

"I would love to, Niall!" and I really did want to. After Zayn's weird reaction today, I knew for sure that nothing would ever come to pass between us. Better to enjoy Niall's company, the boy who actually seemed to want me around.

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday passed in a blur. The boys were busy with band practices, and I was busy trying to make new girl friends. Most girls in my class were nice, but I had only really clicked with Evie.

Evie was a chipper brunette I met in my French class, the one class I had with Zayn. Because of our last names, I ended up sitting next to Evie and after introducing herself the first thing she said was:

"Oh so you're that girl living with Zayn?" I nodded numbly, determined not to turn back and look at the sex go himself, who was seated a few rows behind us. Our teacher, the evil Madame Marshall, who has a penchant for weird pants and can't speak English to save the lives of nine dying chipmunks, glared at us for not speaking in French.

"Oh lordy, that is one attractive piece of man. I've had a crush on him since Year Five. Me and ninety percent of the girls at this school!" I wanted to laugh along with her but my heart sank. Even if Zayn somehow stopped hating me (which was unlikely given the awkward silences we endured every morning on the way to school), there was absolutely no way he would choose me over someone like Evie, who was bubbly and spirited and cute in that cheerleader-way. Nevertheless, I still felt like I should apologize to him about snapping at him in the parking lot.

"He looks like an Arabian Abercrombie model. Somehow it works…" Evie murmured, turning around and staring dreamily at Zayn. He was engrossed in reading a book, however, and didn't even glance her direction.

"Evie, stop staring please, it's a little creepy," I muttered through my teeth.

"Zat ees eet," Madame Marshall screamed in fury, slamming down her copy of _Le Petit Prince_ on my table.

"I zink you 'ave been talking too much for one day. You can no longer zeet 'ere. You will now zeet… um…. Over zere!" she proclaimed, pointing a wrinkled finger towards the only open seat, the seat beside Zayn. I gulped. Not good.

"Hi," I mumbled as I sat down.

"Hi," Zayn murmured back.

Before I could apologize for snapping at him, Madame Marshall started spouting a weird mixture of French and English, and insisted we tell our partner about our plans for the weekend in French.

*Zayn's POV*

I wanted to die. This weekend, I had a bunch of One Direction stuff to do. I only had Saturday night off. Although I hadn't exactly mentioned to Cara that I was in a famous boy-band, I had intentionally been avoiding doing so. Well, it was less intentional and more because she ignored me almost constantly. Even hearing her greet me as she sat down had been a surprise. Still had no idea why she hated me though…

To avoid talking about One Direction (and the only reason I was hesitant to tell her was because, as cheesy as it sounded, if anything happened between us, I would want to know it was because she liked me as a person, not me as a celebrity) I prompted her: "Ladies first."

"Zayn wait I have to say something first. Look, I'm really sorry about how I snapped at you that day in the parking lot."

"Cara it's fi—

Before I could finish, Madame Marshall appeared and begin to yell: "Zees ees not _le francais_! Parlez! Maintenet!" before hurrying off to help that weird Evie girl who always stared at me with some of her conjugations.

"Your plans for the weekend?" I prompted gently. Maybe now I could finally redeem myself, and we could at least be friends. With the way every single guy in school, and especially three of my best mates were looking at Cara, I had no hopes of being anything else.

"Well um tonight Evie is coming over…"

I sighed. I had nothing against the girl personally, but after she transferred into every single one of my classes, and switched her locker so it was in the same hallway as mine, I'd done everything I could to avoid her. This was even before X Factor, and One D gained some real status. It was just weird!

"And she's going to help me get ready for my date with Niall…"

"Date?" I said hollowly. She nodded almost imperceptibly.

"He asked you on a date?" I asked again, shocked.

Cara's POV:

_Yes he asked me on a date, Zayn, after you hurt my feelings and pretended I didn't exist. Sorry I said yes to a sweet, charming, amazing boy_, I thought.

"Yes," I said, turning away so I wouldn't have to look at Zayn. Neither of us said anything for a long moment and when I looked back I saw Zayn swallow and stare ahead.

"Good for you," he murmured hoarsely. _See, Cara, he doesn't even care that you're going on a date with Niall! _I screamed at myself in my head. _Besides, from what Evie says, he has girls throwing themselves at him left right and center, he doesn't need you!_

**Author's Note: YES I am sorry this chapter is very short and rather boring but don't worry things will be turning around for Zayn and Cara pretty soon ;p Shirtless Malik next time, so keep reading! Also please review and private message me! And I really appreciate everyone who has read this far! **_  
_


	4. Chapter 4: Ups & Downs

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #4)

**Friday Evening**

***Cara's POV***

"What about this?" Evie shouted, pulling out a neon yellow mini skirt with a triumphant look on her face.

Evie was in my room, sorting through the few clothing options I had brought in my suitcase, trying to find something suitable for my date with Niall.

I shook my head at her. This date was important, I wanted everything to go perfectly. The last thing I needed was Niall to dislike me, too.

"Hold on, Evs," I said, before I padded down the hall to the bathroom, where I had left my hair spray, which Evie needed to do my hair. She had seen a fancy up-do in _Seventeen_ and insisted on trying it out on me, which made me nervous to say the least.

I opened the door and shrieked as I saw a half naked Zayn.

I slammed the door shut as quickly as possible and started hyperventilating.

"I'm so sorry!" I cried, leaning against the door and breathing heavily. Through my shirt, I could feel my heart beating a hundred miles an hour, and my cheeks felt warm from the blush that was surely creeping up my neck.

I couldn't even process what I had just seen, but let me tell you it had been beautiful. _Oh wow, get ahold of your freaking hormones, Cara! _

I heard a rustle of clothing and knocked timidly on the door.

"Zayn? You ok?" _What a stupid question, Cara, the boy was changing his clothes, not having a heart attack for Christ's sake!_

Instead of answering, Zayn pulled open the door, and I stared slack jawed at his toned abs and muscular upper torso. Evie had been dead-on about the Abercrombie model part.

"Did you, uh, need something, Cara?" Zayn asked, and managed to pull my eyes up to his face, blushing even more than before, if that was even possible. I mean, he had just caught me ogling him shirtless. After I just saw him with barely anything on... well this was awkward.

"I just um… never mind…." His being half-naked was making it hard to think straight. _Too bad Evie wasn't here to witness the show_, I thought bitterly.

***Zayn's POV***

"Cara I actually wanted to…. Um…." _Gah why was Cara so cute when she was nervous?_

"Yeah?"

_God, Cara was biting her lip and it was probably the sexiest thing I had ever seen…_

"Well I was…. Look are you still going on your date with Niall?" I tried to keep all of the emotion I felt for her out of my voice.

Cara nodded stiffly and I sighed in frustration.

"Well have fun," I said halfheartedly. Did Cara even understand how much she was hurting me? The past few days had been hell, and every time I had decided to start up a conversation with her, I thought of Niall's arm snaking around her waist and lost all confidence. It was jealousy, pure and simple.

Cara nodded again and went back to her room.

_At least her checking me out was a small consolation_, I thought to myself, chuckling at the memory of her eyes locked on my chest. For a brief second, I allowed myself to think about why Cara might do that. Did she find me attractive?

With that, a new plan began to hatch in my mind, something that was sure to get Cara to notice me.

***Cara's POV***

I had just put the finishing touches on the outfit Evie had selected for me when the doorbell rang. Evie had convinced me to wear a simple black bodycon dress. I wondered vaguely if it was too… revealing.

"Hold on, Holmes, I'll get the door, you put your shoes on," Evie said, handing me a pair of simple gold sandals before scampering downstairs.

I put the shoes on and followed her.

"Hi Niall," I said, and I couldn't help but smile hugely up at him. It was instinctual: something about him just made me ridiculously happy.

Niall was dressed in dark jeans and a grey blazer. His hair was almost as perfect as his smile, and it took all my restraint not to touch him right then and there.

"Hi Cara," Niall replied.

"Hold on, hold on," Tricia called, entering the hallway with a small silver camera clutched in her hand.

"Your first night out on the town Cara, we have to get this on film!" she squealed in delight. Niall rolled his eyes at me: clearly he was used to Tricia's over exuberance. I mean, Niall was practically Zayn's brother, and almost Tricia's second son. I reminded myself for a final time to forget Zayn. At least for tonight.

We posed for a few pictures before Niall finally led me to his car.

"You look so beautiful," Niall said, helping me into my seat. I couldn't help but notice that like Zayn, he had a really expensive car: a brand new Range Rover, with black leather interior.

"You don't look half bad yourself. For being Irish," I teased.

"Hey, how did you know I was Irish?" he joked, laying his accent on really thick.

"Why don't you answer one of my questions for a change: where are we going?" I asked as Niall started driving. Even in the dark, he seemed to know the route well.

"Only the best place on the planet. Trust me, you'll love it."

"Well they serve food so I'm pretty much guaranteed to love it," I replied, sticking my tongue out at him.

As Niall drove, he kept on looking over at me. "Can I just ask you something: I don't even know you're last name?"

"It's Johnson. Cara Johnson. Boring, I know," I said.

Niall shook his head slowly.

"You don't seem to realize it, but nothing you do could ever be boring," Niall proclaimed. _He's so sweet!_ my inner girly-girl gushed.

"Here we are," Niall said a few minutes later, as we pulled into the last open parking space in the parking lot. I got out of the car and inspected my surroundings. There was only one building in front of us.

"This is, drum roll please, the best restaurant in the entire world: Nandos!" Niall was so excited his face looked like a kid on Christmas morning. He took my hand and we speed walked inside.

It seemed Niall had called ahead or something because they led us right to a private room.

"How come we get a private room?"

"Its only cause I'm famous," he said, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Oh yeah, you're soooo famous…" I said, laughing to myself.

Just as Niall was about to say something about this boy band he was in, my phone rang.

"Oh its Evie," I said, glancing at the caller id.

"Do you mind if I answer it? I don't think she would call me unless it was something important…"

"The girl who's stalking Zayn?" Niall chuckled good-naturedly. "No go ahead."

"Hi Evie," I said, getting chills as Niall took my hand from across the table and started playing with my fingers idly.

"OH MY GOD!" Evie screamed, and I yanked the phone away from my ear. She was talking so fast it was hard to make out a single word.

"Slow down, Evie, you're giving me a migraine!"

On the other end of the phone, I heard what might have been hyperventilating, followed by a few deep breaths.

"Zayn asked me out to a movie on Tuesday night!" Even though I was staring at the most lovely eyes in the world (Niall Horan's, of course) I still felt the nauseating sensation of the first drop of a roller coaster upon hearing Evie's words.

"That's great, Evie, look I'm sorry but I have to go," I muttered quickly, before ending the call and and slamming the phone down on the table. I felt dislocated from my body and numb. _Of course_ Zayn didn't like me! _Of course_ he had asked Evie out...It was stupid to have even thought it a possibility…

"What's the matter?" Niall asked, rubbing soothing circles into my hand with his thumb.

"Nothing. Evie is just… going on a date with Zayn to the movies next Tuesday," I admitted. Even saying those words out loud had seemed physically painful.

Before Niall could reply, the waiter brought us our food: two chicken wrap sandwiches.

"Classy," I teased, before taking a bite.

"It's a Niall Horan specialty. Right up there with singing and playing the guitar," he replied.

"Too bad you're not as hot as Justin Bieber," I teased again.

"Oh shut up and eat your chicken wrap," Niall said, laughing.

The rest of the meal was lovely: Niall told me about the rest of his family, his first time to Nandos, and how he and the boys were going on a business trip for the next couple of days. I didn't want to think of any of them leaving, even for a short period of time. Who would I have to talk to at school? Well Evie, but I'm sure all _she_ would want to talk about was Zayn.

"Do you really have to go?" I asked. I wasn't being serious, I was sure it was important to them, but I had to at least try and get them to cancel.

"Yeah, love, its kind of an important trip," he said, taking my hand and leading me from our table and out into the night air.

"What kind of business do you even have to do?" I wondered, getting in the car.

"Well, we're in the music business, _if you must know_," Niall said, fastening his seatbelt and flashing me a blinding smile.

When we reached my house, Niall walked me to my door.

"So about Tuesday… we all get in late Tuesday afternoon, so if you want, we could go to the movies with Zayn and Evie."

"Do you really want a second date?" I couldn't help but be surprised. Yes, things had gone well. But being with Niall was so comfortable it hadn't seemed like a date at all!

"If I'm honest," Niall said, putting his hand to my cheek and leaning in so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath, "I don't just want a second date. I want a third and a fourth and a fifth. Actually, Ms. Johnson, I kind of want to date you and never stop."

And with that he leaned in, erasing the distance between our faces.

His lips met mine and I felt the tingling he always caused in me but ten times more intense.

I pulled away a minute later only because I was gasping for breath.

"Don't miss me too much, Ms. Johnson," Niall smirked, before giving me a final kiss on the forehead. "And just remember, no matter what Zayn, Harry, or even Liam try to make you believe: you're mine."

**AN: Ok guys I am so sorry for not updating sooner! And here is finally a longer story! I am traveling in China (I'm not Asian though, nor do I speak much Chinese :P), and internet is not the best, but I have a bunch more chapters already written, so it is just a matter of finding time to upload them! **

**Also THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES to anyone has reviwed the story or even bothered to read it :) Please review more, you guys! It honestly means so much to me, and encourages me to continue posting what I have written! SO PLEASE REVIEW OR LIKE THE STORY! Thanks :) **


	5. Chapter 5: The Zayn Issue

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #5)

***Cara's POV***

The past few days had been a blur. Evie was still my only friend at school, and I had been beyond lonely without all the boys around to amuse me. Especially Niall.

Evie was actually getting on my nerves, since she had been texting Zayn nonstop ever since he and the others left, and telling me everything they were saying to one another.

I know it shouldn't have bothered me: I had been texting Niall, Louis, Harry, and Liam just as much. But still. It was _Zayn_. I couldn't not care, even if it made me feel stupid.

At least the boys would all be back in a few minutes. Evie and I were in the living room watching Jersey Shore with Doniya, Safaa and Waliyha.

Suddenly my phone lit up, and I stared down it in anticipation.

"1 New Message from Niall Horan" :

**We're here FINALLY. Where's my hug, babe? Xx**

I jumped up instantly, flung the door open, and ran along the driveway and into Niall's waiting arms. I tried to ignore the temptation of search for Zayn's face.

Instead, I pulled Niall closer, so that our noses were touching and our lips were only a few centimeters away.

"I missed you so much," Niall murmured, before leaning in and kissing me, right on the lips.

"Oh guys, get a room!" Louis yelled, rolling his eyes as we pulled apart. He was the only one smiling and laughing at the situation. Liam, Harry, and Zayn had all crossed their arms and were scowling. _Did they have some kind of argument?_ I wondered.

"Zayn, there you are, baby!" Evie called, shoving her feet into her Uggs and running up to him. She flung her arms around his.

"Oh, um, hi Evie," Zayn said, looking at me quickly, before returning her hug. He took one more look at Niall and I.

"My god, you look even hotter than last time," he exclaimed, grinning down at her. I felt myself going weak with anger and jealousy.

"Niall, um, there's something I have to do inside…" I choked out.

Thankfully, Niall seemed to be completely oblivious to my discomfort, and he followed me inside the house without a word.

We went up to my room, and lay down and talked and slowly the world slipped back into focus.

"How was the trip?" I asked.

Niall just shook his head. Very slowly, he started kissing me, and by the time there was a knock on the door, I had forgotten all about Zayn Malik.

"Cara, Niall, hurry up, Zayn says its time to go, or else we'll miss the previews!" Evie called. I sighed but pulled myself into a sitting position.

Niall wrapped his arm around me, sensing my hesitation.

"Look, we don't have to go with them if you don't want to. If something's bothering you, we can just stay here…"

It was a tempting offer, but I couldn't just pretend that Zayn didn't have feelings for Evie. Better to just face the fact and get it over with.

"No, it will be fun!" I said, forcing a smile on my face and taking Niall's hand.

We went downstairs, outside, and then got into Zayn's car. He was playing a Coldplay album in his stereo, one of my favorites of all time. I wanted to say something about how much I liked it, but before I could Evie got in the car and slammed the door loudly.

The entire drive, Evie was leaning over to fiddle with Zayn's hair or touch his arms and hands.

I just held Niall's hand like a life raft, praying that I could make it through this date in one piece, without breaking down out of sheer frustration.

Finally, we arrived at the movie theater. Niall found us four seats together and we settled down to watch the movie. It was a scary movie, so I held on to Niall during all the freaky parts. There was something magical about sitting with him, his eyes lighting up in the dark.

When Niall left halfway through to use the bathroom, or loo as my host family would have said, I couldn't stop myself from looking over at Evie and Zayn, though.

Evie was kissing Zayn's neck, with her hand on his leg, and Zayn was staring straight ahead with a strange look on his face. I wanted to die.

After the movie was done, Niall went to go get the car, and Evie went to call her parents and tell them we were heading home.

I found a bench in the lobby and sat down. A few seconds later, Zayn took a seat beside me.

"What did you think of the movie?" he asked playing with his hands. I stared at his wrist absentmindedly, trying to come up with an appropriate answer. Wow, he had a Rolex watch.

"Oh it was fine," I said, still focused on his watch._ How much cash did this boy have?_

"Just fine?" Zayn said, catching my eye.

"Yeah it could have been better…" I murmured.

"Better how?" Zayn asked, staring at me intensely.

_Better if Evie hadn't been all over you!_ _Better if you and me had been togethe_r! I shouted in my head. But for some reason I couldn't say the words.

"Just better…" I whispered weakly, trying to hold back tears.

"You and Evie seemed to have fun," I remarked, trying to regain control over my voice.

"She's a nice girl…" Zayn said.

"Yeah you're really cute together," I said, giving him a friendly punch in the shoulder.

***Zayn's POV***

Cara thought Evie and I were cute? Clearly, my plan had failed in every possible way: Cara wasn't jealous at all.

"There you guys are!" Evie cried in excitement, before pulling me to my feet.

She led me back to the car and proceeded to get into the front and then move my arm so it was draped around hers.

_Stop, I really can't stand you, I have no feelings for you whatseoever, I'm only using you to make Cara jealous_, I wanted to scream at her.

As soon as we dropped her off at her house I relaxed though. I dropped Niall off next, and watched in horror as Cara leaned in to kiss him.

"I'll call you soon," I heard Niall whisper to her before he waved and headed back inside.

Neither of us said anything in the car ride back, and as soon as I stopped the car, Cara got out and ran up to her room.

I went into my room and put on my favorite Coldplay album. Perfect for heartbreak.

***Cara's POV***

Cara just ask him, I commanded myself. I had been pacing around my room for the last half hour, listening to another one of Zayn's Coldplay album filtering through the walls, trying to get up the courage to do what I was about to do.

After waiting a few more painful seconds, I pulled myself together, opened my door, walked to Zayn's room, and knocked on his door.

He didn't respond so I knocked louder.

"Zayn?" I called through the door.

"Oh hold on!" Zayn called back. The music shut off and Zayn opened the door.

"Hi."

"Hi," Zayn replied, giving me a tired look. Was it just me, or did his eyes look a little red? Had he been crying?

"Look, I know I said the movie could have been better…."

"Yeah?" Zayn asked softly, looking at me hopefully, his eyes burning.

"Well I have a better movie to watch. If you want to watch it with me, that is," I said, looking away and feeling stupid.

"I'd love to," Zayn said simply. "Here," I said, handing him the DVD (of one of my favorite movies of all time, Slumdog Millionaire).

"Slumdog Millionaire?" he asked, giving me a weird look.

"Yeah, it's my favorite movie," I said, moving to sit on his bed.

"Mine too…" Zayn said , smiling, before putting the DVD in. We sat in silence all through the movie. The entire time, I felt this electric current running between us in the dark. When we got to the reunion between Jamal and Latika, Zayn paused the movie and looked over at me.

"Cara, I need to tell you something."

"No, Zayn I need to tell you something first," I said, struggling to find the words. "I know Evie is a great person. I know she is really nice and way more attractive than I will ever be. But I think you're amazing. I just had to say that," I said, looking away. My face was burning, and breathing had become very difficult.

***Zayn's POV***

Cara thought I was amazing? I hadn't even let myself hope that she would like me back. I was speechless.

***Cara's POV***

"Zayn say something back!" I pleaded. I had always assumed he didn't like me that way, but now I was sure. As tears streamed from my eyes, I ran from Zayn's room and into mine. I collapsed onto my bed and began to cry in earnest.

Then a pair of strong, toned arms wrapped themselves around me. I jerked my head up to see Zayn's eyes a few inches from mine.

"Cara… you…I can't even believe I didn't tell you this earlier. I was only using Evie to make you jealous, because she has been stalking me forever and I knew she would say yes if I asked her on a date. But I don't want to be with her, Cara, because I think you're amazing, too. I've thought that since I met you, and I can't believe I wasted so much time. You're beautiful Cara, and I need to have you."

I wanted to cry, but tears of happiness.

"Zayn I'm so sorry everything got so complicated," I mumbled, stroking his arm.

"No it was my fault, all mine. Please just let me have a chance?"

I didn't know what to say.

"But Zayn what about Niall?" For the first time, Zayn faltered.

"You're best mates. You're in a band together…." I added guiltily.

"For one moment Cara, I want you to not think about Niall, not think about anything," Zayn said, his brown eyes smoldering.

Then, very gently, he kissed my hand, my bare arm, my shoulder, my neck, my cheek, and finally my lips.

I felt something welling up in me, something that made me dizzy and excited. Before I could deepen the kiss a loud beeping interrupted us. I glanced over at my phone:

"Incoming Call From Niall Horan".

Fuck.

**A/N:**

**Hi guys, sorry this chapter is pretty short! I have a ton more longer chapters written I promise, I just have to edit them and upload them, which is hard since I'm in China. **

**Also, thank you to anyone who has reviewed the story! I appreciate every single review :) Please keep reviewing honestly it is the only thing that motivates me to keep writing and editing because I have a ton of ideas! And please pass this story along to other people! Thank you :) **


	6. Chapter 6: Confusion

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #6)

***Cara's POV***

Zayn and I both stared at the phone in horror.

Finally, after what felt like forever, I picked it up and pressed the 'answer' button.

"Hey," Niall said, his thick accent flooding the phone.

"Hey," I murmured, staring at the pained look crossing Zayn's face upon hearing Niall's voice.

"Is everything okay, Cara? You don't sound good," Niall remarked, his tone filled with concern.

"Look Niall, I'm in the middle of something right now. Can I text you later?"

"Sure… and one more thing Ms. Johnson…."

Even just listening to his voice was excruciating after knowing that Zayn and I had kissed.

"Yes Niall?"

"Remember that you're mine, ok?" Sitting beside me, Zayn flinched.

"Ok. Bye. Talk to you later," I mumbled numbly.

I turned to Zayn, eager to explain to him all the reasons why our kiss had been a mistake.

"Zayn, look, I know Niall and I aren't official yet, but we're dating, and -"

"No _you_ look Cara," Zayn said, his words overpowering mine. "I like you and I'm not going to stop liking you just because of that fucker Niall!"

"Don't blame Niall!" I cried, then paused, trying to word it properly.

"Zayn I can't keep cheating on him. Its not fair to him or to you." Even I knew I wasn't that low, the kind of person that could cheat and think nothing of it.

"Fine. But I can't stop wanting you," Zayn said defiantly. He looked out my window, and pointedly avoided my gaze.

"Look, I want you too," I whispered, reaching out for his hand.

"This isn't just hard for you, you know. It's killing me too," I added softly, stroking the back of his hand.

"Good," Zayn retorted.

"What's that?" he asked suddenly, pointing at the ceiling. I looked up immediately, and before I could find what had caused him to exclaim, he picked me up koala-style and was carrying me from my room to his.

"Zayn put me down! What the fuck are you doing?" I whispered furiously. Zayn dropped me softly on his bed.

"I don't think Niall would mind too much if we shared a bed tonight. I mean… after all we're sister and brother…" Zayn said with a smirk.

Zayn locked his door, shrugged off his jacket, and all my feeble protests died in my throat.

"I suppose Niall would understand," I said weakly. _Not that I'm going to tell him_, I added silently.

I got into Zayn's bed, and watched as he took off his shirt.

Zayn caught me staring… again. "Just doing you a favor, I saw you checking me out in the bathroom earlier." I gasped and then pulled the covers over my face. "Oh shut up," I muttered.

Zayn got in beside me and dimmed the lights. He wrapped his strong arms around me once more and I let out a little sigh.

For once I was completely happy.

* * *

**The Same Night, Evie's House:**

***Evie's POV***

I sat in front of my laptop, staring at my email. No new messages. I had texted Zayn nearly twenty times, after our date. Maybe I had been too forward at the movies? Maybe I shouldn't have kissed his neck, or put my hand on his leg? Maybe I shouldn't have touched him at all! Maybe that was why he wasn't responding?

But he was so attractive, it made me weak at the knees. And he was a famous member of One Direction. What more could a girl want? Besides, I had had a crush on him since forever. And when he had finally returned my interest, realizing the undeniable chemistry between us, of course I agreed to go to the movies with him!

And now he was ignoring my texts!

If only Cara would text me back, to let me know what was going on, but she wasn't answering my texts either. It was a bit late, I supposed, almost midnight, actually.

I was so desperate to talk to Zayn about what had been the most amazing date of my life that I had resorted to emailing him.

I sighed with boredom and clicked onto chat. Neither Zayn or Cara was online. In fact, the only person online was Louis, one of Zayn's bandmates. Part of me warned me not to talk to him, I mean the last thing I would want would be for him to fall hopelessly in love with me…. Cause that would make Zayn jealous! But I was desperate to know what was going on with Zayn after our date….

_Oh Evie, what the hell, just message the guy, cause like, yolo! Oh god, Evie, I cannot believe you just thought that…._

I clicked the "chat" icon and typed out my message before I could change my mind:

**Evieluvsboys: Hey, I'm Evie, don't know if u know me, but I go 2 ur school, and I need your help! **

I banged my head against my desk as I waited for him to reply.

**LouBearTomlinson: I know who u r…. What do u need help with? **

All of a sudden, it hit me: I was talking to a singer from my favorite band over the internet. What should I say? Finally I came up with something halfway decent.

**Evieluvsboys: It's about Zayn…**

Yep, there we go.

A few seconds later, Louis replied:

**LouBearTomlinson: O yea, u guyz went on a double date, rite?**

**Evieluvsboys: Yea, but he hasn't texted me back. Did he say n e thing to u? **

**LouBearTomlinson: No…**

I sighed.

***Louis' POV***

It felt weird talking to Evie. I had never thought about her much. She was always known as the creepy Zayn-stalker among my group of friends. Even before One Direction, she had had a huge thing for him. It was kind of cute, in a way. In fact, she was kind of cute, too, the more I thought about it. But I might have just killed my conversation with her… I hurriedly typed back:

**LouBearTomlinson: I could ask him, tho! **

**Evieluvsboys: No that's k, I will ask him l8ter.**

**Evieluvsboys: Also, I liked the stripy shirt u wore yesterday.**

What? I know that was kind of weird, but for some reason I felt sort of flattered. I was used to girls at my school noticing the other guys. Niall, Zayn, Harry, and Liam usually had girls throwing themselves at them, and none of them ever had trouble finding prom dates and such…. not that I struggled in the girl department. I had had lots of hookups and flings, too.

But it was nice to hear that Evie had noticed such a tiny detail about me.

**LouBearTomlinson: Thanks **

Before I could think about what I was doing, I clicked on Evie's profile picture. In the photo, she was standing beside Cara, and both girls were making goofy faces. Even crossing her eyes and sticking out her tongue she looked nice, though.

_Oh Louis, stop, you can't like her_, I commanded myself. _She's into your best mate, remember? _

**Evieluvsboys: Hav to go, text me if u hear from Zayn? **

**LouBearTomlinson: Don't hav ur #? **

**Evieluvsboys: 899-0547**

**…..**

**Evieluvsboys: U? **

**LouBearTomlinson: 547-3301**

**Evieluvsboys: Thanks Goodnight, LouBearTomlinson **

**Evieluvsboys**has signed off chat.

I stared at the screen in shock. Had I just voluntarily given Zayn's maybe-girlfriend my number? And more importantly, had I just _enjoyed_ my conversation with her?

Before I could do any more 'thinking' I grabbed my phone, and added her number.

* * *

***Cara's POV***

The next day, Zayn and I had to go to school. And I still hadn't decided what to say to Niall.

Luckily, I didn't have to decide right away. I sat next to Harry in Biology, as usual, but he seemed quieter, more subdued.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, as soon as the teacher gave us our homework to work on for the next class.

Harry only shrugged.

"Come on, you can tell me," I said, patting his hand gently.

"I just… Let's talk about you instead. How was your double date with Niall?"

"It was... nice," I hedged.

The bell rang shrilly.

Harry seemed to become more upset, if that was possible. "I'll see you at lunch," he muttered, before grabbing his backpack and abandoning me.

In English, I sat with Louis, and tried to focus on reading our assignment. The three girls sitting in front of me were being super loud, though. I didn't mean to be rude and listen, but they were so loud, it was impossible _not_ to listen.

"… such a good song. Did you listen to _Moments_, too? I almost died."

"And they're all so hot!"

"Yeah, One Direction is like, my life!" a small brunette piped up. Suddenly, all three of them looked quickly at Louis and I.

"Just ignore them," Louis murmured softly, refocusing on his reading.

I just shrugged. I didn't know what this One Direction band was all about, but I didn't want to find out… not if all the other girls were already obsessed with them.

Before Music, my one class with Niall, where I had been planning on confronting him about the Zayn issue, we had a school wide assembly. I sat with the boys in the back, sandwiched between Liam and Harry, with Zayn and Louis beside each of them.

"Guys, where's Niall?" I asked. The assembly was about to start, and if he didn't hurry, he might not make into the auditorium in time.

Harry just rolled his eyes, Zayn looked pained, and the rest of the boys gave me blank expressions.

The choir began a performance, but I kept looking for Niall in the audience. I vaguely registered the ending of the choir's last song.

"Um, excuse, can I have your attention for just a moment?" My head moved towards the stage and my heart instantly fluttered. Niall was standing up by the podium. For some reason, the sight of him, alone and vulnerable made me unsure of myself.

"I need to ask Cara Johnson to come to the stage," Niall continued. Everyone swiveled around to stare at me, and Zayn started shaking his head desperately.

"Well go on then," Liam muttered, pushing me out of my seat. I walked towards the stage with shaking legs, and walked up the few short steps wanting to die. I hated being the center of attention.

"Hi," Niall whispered mischievously, getting down on one knee.

"Cara, will you be my girlfriend?" I heard the crowd behind us roar with excitement.

I stared at Niall, his leprechaun-smile, his gleaming eyes, his blond hair. He was biting his lip. And he was looking at me like a kid on Christmas morning, who's about to unwrap the best gift ever.

But something in me forced me to look out at the crowd, to catch Zayn's smoldering brown eyes, lit with a fiery intensity. If Niall was looking at me like I was amazing, I don't have words to describe Zayn's look.

I turned back to Niall, and just looking into his eyes was all the answer I needed.

**A/N:**

**Finally a bit of a longer chapter for you guys! Don't worry, I am working on writing more and I already have a few more chapters written, but I'm in China and its hard to update, also I have finals soon, so I won't have much time to upload, but I'll do my best. **

**A HUGE THANK YOU TO ANYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED THE STORY! YOUR REVIEWS ARE LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I KEEP WRITING THIS STORY! PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING :) They motivate me so much! Thanks again! :) **


	7. Chapter 7: Surprises

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic

**Chapter #7**

"Yes, Niall, of course I'll be your girlfriend."

Niall's entire face lit up and he picked me up, twirled me around, and kissed me on the lips, holding me close, in front of the entire school. Then he took my hand and raised it with his, and the rest of our classmates jumped to their feet, shouting and cheering.

For a second, I was the happiest girl on the planet.

And then I saw Zayn's face, and I was the most depressed.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, until French class. Zayn was absent and Evie was too…weird. I forced that thought out of my mind though. Better not to think of Zayn after what had happened at the assembly... that would just mess with my emotions too much.

On top of that, all the girls in my class kept giving me dirty looks.

I sighed in frustration. Niall offered to give me a ride home, since Zayn was MIA. I agreed of course. We got into the Range Rover and I just stared at him happily. As long as I didn't think about Zayn when I was with Niall, things were perfect.

As he drove to my house, neither of us said anything, we just looked at each other in comfortable silence. For the first time I realized how disappointed I would have been if Niall hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Niall said, sighing despondently.

"You could come over tonight?" I asked, hopefully.

"No, sorry, band practice."

"You're too busy with your 'music business thing'," I said, chuckling.

"I'm not sure you have time for a girlfriend," I teased, grabbing my backpack and getting out of the car.

Niall got out too, and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'll always have time for you," he said seriously, studying my face intently.

"Come on, smile! You're too serious!" I joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I like it when you smile. You look cute when you smile," I added, running my hands through his soft blond hair.

"Thanks for being my reason to," he said, before pecking me on the lips.

I watched him drive away contentedly before I made my way up the steps.

In the hallway, I was confronted by the sound of blatant making out coming from the living room.

Did Doniyha have a boyfriend? I decided to peek in and see.

I turned the corner and felt my heart breaking all over again: Zayn and Evie were sitting on the couch, making out. Zayn even had his hands dangerously close to her boobs.

I coughed awkwardly and they broke apart. Zayn pushed Evie away from him, stood up, and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand in one quick movement.

He gave me a look I couldn't identify and jogged up the stairs. I stared at Evie in horror and then followed Zayn upstairs. He shut his door with a bang, and I moved to my room, locked my door, and sank into my pillows, sobbing quietly.

Eventually, I forced myself to get up, change into my pajamas, do my homework, and clean my room.

Finally, I fell back on my bed, felling horrible, and fell asleep.

**Band Practice.**

***Zayn's POV***

"Let's start it from the top," Liam insisted, shooting me an annoyed look. I had been messing up ever since I got to practice.

Luckily, Harry spoke up.

"Look, Louis, let's just take a little break, OK?" I sighed in relief and collapsed on the couch in the recording studio.

How could I have been so stupid as to kiss Evie? I didn't even like her! I just hadn't wanted to be alone, while Cara had been living out her fantasy fairytale in front of the entire school! But once again, I had managed to ruin everything.

Harry and Liam seemed upset, too, but about what, I had no idea. In fact, Louis and Niall were the only ones who were putting any effort into rehearsing whatsoever. And even Louis was somewhat distracted, always fiddling with his phone, typing out texts and then quickly deleting them.

At least Cara didn't know about One Direction yet. The last thing I wanted was for her to think that I was a different person because I was a famous musician.

"Look at me!" Niall exclaimed, with his mouth full of chicken strips and ketchup. He was balancing his guitar on his head.

Louis laughed, and everyone else shot Niall dirty looks, myself included.

"Guys, focus, we are going on our Australia tour in just a few short weeks!" Liam reminded us sternly. He himself, though, was staring at the clock out of the corner of his eye.

Oh god, I couldn't imagine leaving Cara, even for work. Even though I knew I had just treated her like shit.

I knew I should be mad at her, but for some reason I felt guilty, not mad. I knew that made no sense. I only kissed Evie in private, she kissed Niall in front of the entire school. Besides, I didn't have feelings for Evie, whereas she clearly had feelings for Niall.

Even though I tried not to, I thought about the things I liked about Cara: her smile her laugh, her kindness, they way she kissed me. And I decided once and for all to get her back. It might take time, it might take a very long time, actually, but I was willing to do it. Friendship first. Then maybe something more. If I was lucky. If Cara ever talked to me again.

***Louis' POV***

Band practice was going like shit. I couldn't focus. In fact, ever since Evie and I had exchanged numbers, I hadn't been able to focus on anything. In between songs, I kept pulling out my phone, and writing messages to her. I would delete them before I ever sent them, since I didn't want Zayn to be mad.

Although Zayn had seemed upset all night. Maybe he and Evie had gotten into a fight? Or maybe I was just getting my hopes up?

Liam started talking about the Australia tour and I zoned out, staring at the clock above Harry's head.

All of a sudden, I felt my phone vibrate. I clawed it out of my pocket as fast as I could.

"1 New Text From Evie H". I clicked on it five times and tapped my foot impatiently as the text loaded.

"_I really need someone to talk to. Come over?"_ I hadn't even finished the text before I was standing up, yelling out a half-planned excuse.

I rushed out of the recording studio, and to my car. I leaned against my Porsche, putting the finishing touches on my reply to Evie.

"_Ill be at ur house in five",_ I typed. I got in my car and drove as fast as I could. Bradford wasn't a huge city, and I'd gone to almost all of my classmates houses at one point or another, so finding Evie's house was pretty straightforward.

It was a large stone house, set back from the street by a large gravel driveway. The house had ivy clinging to the walls, and a cheery red door. However, because of the dark night-time, it looked somewhat grim. I hadn't been here for years, probably not since one of Evie's birthday parties in primary school, I reflected.

I parked, got out of the car, and walked to the door. Evie opened it immediately, almost as if she had been waiting for me.

She was wearing a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and a baggy sweater. There was no makeup on her face but I still had to force myself not to stare at her. She was gorgeous.

"Come on in," she said, opening the door wider. I stepped past her into the hallway. She closed the door and leaned against it.

"What's the matter?" I asked, noticing for the first time the pained look on her face. Suddenly she crumpled to the ground and began to sob.

I picked her up as gently as I could, and took her into what looked to be the living room. I set her down on a couch, covered her in an extra blanket, and sat down beside her.

"Tell me what happened," I prompted.

"Well… Zayn and I…" It was hard to understand what she was saying through her tears, so I moved my hand to her back and rubbed slow circles. Slowly, she stopped crying.

"Zayn said he had been having a rough day, so he convinced me to ditch class and go to his house. He said we would just be relaxing. And then we… kissed. And then Cara walked in on us kissing, and Zayn just threw me to the side and stormed off. And neither of them have talked to me since. And I know he was using me to make Cara jealous."

I tried to control the intense hate I felt towards Zayn at that particular moment.

"I wonder what it would be like to be breathtakingly beautiful," Evie continued. "The kind of girl guys would never want to hurt…."

I couldn't believe I was doing this, saying this. But I had to say it; to not say it would be a lie. I turned to Evie, looked her full in the eyes and just said it:

"If it helps, I think you're breathtakingly beautiful."

Evie stared at me openmouthed, then turned away.

"I know that's a lie. But I want it to be true," she murmured, a tear sliding down her pale cheek.

"It _is_ true. I'm not Zayn. I'm not using you," I said. But even then the words felt flat and stale in my mouth. Evie gave me a sad look.

"I don't know what to say. Prove it to me, I guess," she said.

"Prove what?"

"I don't know, Louis, that you like me? That you want me? It's not enough to say you're different. You have to make me fall in love with you."

I took another look at her. Even with the shadows of the living room, even wearing baggy clothes, even acting bitchy towards me, she was still the only thing I could definitely say I wanted.

"Challenge accepted," I said, sticking out my hand.

A/N:

Hi Guys, I know I haven't written in quite a while. I'm so sorry, travelling has been crazy, and I won't be able to update for the next week, since on Tuesday, I leave for LA.

Anyways, please keep reviewing! I appreciate them so much :) They are the only reason I keep writing! Thank you to anyone who has read this far! I love you all!


	8. Chapter 8: Shock

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #8)

***Cara's POV***

The next month passed in a blur. For the most part things had settled into an uncomfortable but manageable routine. I ate lunch with the boys and Evie, I went to class, and I spent my free time with Niall.

Of course, all the girls at my school kept giving Evie and I bitchy looks whenever we spent time with the boys. But I understood it, to a degree: the boys were all so good looking.

I still hadn't figured out where Zayn and I stood. We had gotten closer, though, and I wasn't even sure how. We had started talking about music and movies, since we seemed to have the same taste. And it had soon progressed to him coming into my room at night to continue the conversations. He liked comic books and reading, just like I did.

We would put on music and tell each other everything about our days. Except for Niall. We both made a point of never mentioning Niall's name. And I was pretty sure neither Zayn nor I had mentioned our conversations to Niall himself. _There wasn't any point in bringing it up_, I always reasoned to myself, _because nothing ever got physical_. I wasn't even sure if the way Zayn and I were together would be considered flirtatious or not.

It was just so relaxing being with Zayn. There was never any pretenses, and I was always amazed at how much he knew about things, music especially. I had almost considered asking him about this One Direction band all the girls at my school seemed to be obsessed with.

In fact, I now considered Zayn to be one of my closest friends. He was always doing nice things for me. For example, he had offered to drive Evie and I to the mall today. We were supposed to be leaving in a few hours, so I was stretched out on my bed, adding the finishing touches to my French essay for school.

***Evie's POV***

I was sitting in my kitchen, finishing up my French essay for school. My parents had just left for a weeklong trip to Paris, so I was home alone, waiting for Zayn and Cara to come pick me up in a few hours time. Surprisingly, everyone in our little group of friends was getting along. Well, except for Harry and Liam, who always started scowling whenever they caught glances of Niall and Cara together. But at least Zayn seemed to have gotten over her, since he was always friendly towards her now, and nothing more.

I was working on a particularly tricky translation when I heard a knock on the door. I skipped to the door and pulled it open.

Louis was standing in front of me, holding a DVD.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. For the past few weeks, Louis and I had spent a lot of time together. But I didn't know if I was ready for things to go any further. I was still incredibly hurt from what Zayn had done. I was no longer angry at him, but I knew I would always carry the pain of being used around with me. I wasn't sure if Louis could handle that. But I couldn't deny that when I looked at him, I saw something beautiful.

"It's called _Something Borrowed_. It's about a girl and her best guy friend and how they confront their separate issues and realize that they're supposed to be together."

My breath caught in my throat as I caught Louis' eye.

"Ok, lets watch it then," I said softly, walking to the living room. I put the DVD in and sat beside Louis on the couch. I dimmed the lights and speeded through the previews, and watched as Louis snaked his arm around the back of the couch. But not exactly around my shoulders. I shivered.

"Oh, are you cold?" Louis asked. I shook my head and stared straight ahead. If I looked at his eyes, those amazing eyes, there was no telling what kinds of choices I'd be making.

I enjoyed the movie. But I made the mistake of looking over at Louis during the credits. His eyes were like liquid chocolate, drowning me.

"Can I just say something? I really want you. And I really want you to really want me."

I watched his lips as he talked.

"Well, I really want to kiss you," I murmured. Realizing what I said, I began to blush.

"Then you should. Cause I won't stop you," Louis said.

I moved closer and our lips met and it was all of those feelings you read about and more. Before I knew it, Louis had me lying on the couch, his arms trapping me in. He was kissing my neck, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Stop, stop, you have to leave, I'm going shopping with Cara," I explained, still laughing a little.

Louis frowned. "But…" I sighed. I knew what he meant. For the past month I had wanted him, too. It would be cruel to stop now.

"Fine, I'll just text her that I'm sick," I decided.

"That's better," Louis said, smiling, and unbuttoning the top button of his shirt.

*Cara's POV*

I was still on my bed, slogging through the last paragraph of my French essay. In a second I would get Zayn, and we would head over to pick up Evie.

Suddenly, my phone lit up:

"1 New Text From Evie H"

"_Hey babe, can't go to the mall, I am too sick to go"_ I read aloud.

A wave of disappointment rolled through me. Niall was away at a soccer tournament, Liam had a track event, and Harry was visiting his cousins, so now that Evie had cancelled, I had no other plans to fall back on.

I sighed. Better go tell Zayn that he was off the hook about driving us to the mall.

I walked to Zayn's room. His door was half-open but I knocked anyways.

"Come in," he called. He was sitting on his bed, tuning his guitar, but looked up as soon as I walked in.

"Hi," he said brightly, setting his guitar to the side and patting the space beside him on his bed. He was wearing only sweat pants and a T-shirt, nothing fancy, but I liked him better this way. Even like this, he was still stunning to me. That was one thing… I thought maybe us being friends would make me find him less physically attractive. But the opposite had happened.

"Evie's sick and can't go to the mall, so don't worry, you don't have to drive anyone anywhere," I said.

"Is she alright?" Zayn asked, his fingers moving closer to mine on the bed spread.

"Oh she's fine, she just can't go to the mall," I said, shrugging sadly.

"Here, I'll take you," Zayn said, smiling and grabbing his keys.

I shook my head quickly.

"You don't have to do that, Zayn!"

Now he was the one shaking his head. "I _want_ to go with you," he said.

"No you _don't_," I insisted, rolling my eyes at his childish ways.

"Cara why won't you just believe me when I say I want to take you out? Niall isn't the only boy on the planet who likes your company!" Zayn stated forcefully, touching my arm.

I felt the same jolt I felt whenever he touched me, and reacted as I always did: I looked down at my phone, specifically the background picture of Niall and I, together, _happy_.

_But Niall would want you to have a good time without him_, I reasoned in my head.

"Ok fine," I relented. Zayn grinned. "There we go."

I followed Zayn out to his car and got in the passenger side. Zayn put on a mix tape of Kid Cudi songs and we drove without speaking to the mall, both enjoying the music.

At the mall, Zayn took me to the McDonalds, sat me down at an empty table, and then went off to get our food.

A few minutes later he came back with a tray laden with fries and ketchup for me and a cheeseburger for him.

"You remembered I'm a vegetarian!" I exclaimed in surprise. Even my own parents back home were constantly forgetting about that.

Zayn smiled at me. "I know a lot more about you than you do about me," he stated matter-of-factly, grabbing one of my fries.

"That sounded insanely creepy and stalker-ish," I replied, dipping some fries in ketchup and eating them. Zayn laughed too.

"And if I WAS stalking you? Would that be a problem? Would you mind?" Zayn questioned, looking up at me under his thick, dark lashes.

I stared at Zayn slack jawed, trying to come up with an appropriate response. Because the truth was that if Zayn was stalking me, I wouldn't have minded at all.

As I struggled to find words, Zayn leaned closer and used his thumb to wipe a smear of ketchup from the side of my mouth. Just that tiny piece of physical contact sent chills through my body.

"Excuse me can I get an autograph?" Zayn turned away and stared at the little girl standing by his elbow.

"Oh, um, sure," Zayn replied, taking her pen and the signing the paper she handed him.

I stared at them uncomprehendingly.

"And a picture?" the girl asked, pointing to a lady holding a camera, probably her mom.

A wave of nausea passed through me.

Zayn caught the expression on my face.

"Um, I'm sorry, now isn't really the best time," Zayn said curtly and the little girl walked away with a sad look on her face.

"Okay, Zayn, you have ten seconds to explain yourself: what the FUCK was that?" I hissed through my teeth.

***Zayn's POV***

Oh fucking hell. This was one conversation I had never wanted to have with Cara. I mean, I knew it was inevitable. One Direction was who I was, it was what I did, it was the most important thing in my life, after my friends and family. But the bottom line was that I had needed to know, at least in the beginning, that Cara would like me for who I was. Not the boy in the magazines and on the tele, but the boy standing in front of her, in the here and now.

But now I had to explain.

"Well you know how the boys and I are in a band…." I began.

Cara looked dangerously close to exploding.

"Well we went on X-Factor last year, which is basically a televised singing competition…"

"Zayn, I know what fucking X-Factor is," Cara interrupted, her eyes the most stormy I had ever seen them. Under different circumstances, circumstances less dire, I might have made a comment about how sexy she looked when she was pissed off. Instead, I was wildly racking my brain for words.

"Well we got third, and now we have, um, a record deal, and a manager, and we work with Simon Cowell, and were going on tour soon, and we're called One Direction, and I guess we're kindofalittlemaybefamous" I said, slurring all my words together, and grimacing at the last part.

At least now, for better or worse, Cara knew the truth. I thought that when I finally told her, a great weight would be lifted off of me, and that I would feel at least somewhat relieved.

Instead, seeing the look of betrayal on her face added a new sense of crushing guilt. _Zayn, you're practically in love with the girl, how could you have done this to her?_ I asked myself desperately.

***Cara's POV***

I couldn't believe him. The boy I had very complicated feelings for had been lying to my face since Day 1. He had hid half of his life from me. Hell, he was some kind of rock star, and yeah, maybe it was funny to play a joke on the exchange student girl. I'm sure they laughed about how naïve I was behind my back, he and Niall.

I couldn't take it.

"Don't sit there like this, just staring at me Zayn! I don't understand how you can do so many horrible things and still act like you're a decent human being. You make me pity every single person who talks to you. Or maybe I don't. You're probably not telling them the truth either," I spat.

Maybe it was harsh, but he had lied to me, about perhaps the most important part of his life. It wasn't even that he had made me look foolish. It was more than just that. He hadn't trusted me to look past his fame, look past his awards and titles.

Zayn said something in a voice hinging on desperation, but I turned away and ran.

As I ran, I was vaguely aware of Zayn chasing after me, but I gritted my teeth and ran faster. Up ahead, a crowd of people were swarming around a fountain. I ducked into the crowd and dodged a group of old ladies and several small children. I looked behind me and Zayn was nowhere in sight, so I moved behind a final person and made my way through the exit. As soon as I was outside, I let out a sigh of relief and collapsed against the firm brick wall.

A drop of rain hit my shoulder and I stared up at the sky in disbelief as the first peals of thunder echoed in the distance. _Looks like walking home wouldn't be an option. _Maybe that was for the best though, I would have probably gotten lost anyways. Maybe I would have asked for directions, but, _silly me_, that wouldn't work because somebody would probably just LIE TO ME.

I reached into my bag for my phone. I didn't really want to talk to any of the boys, least of all Niall, who had lied to me just as much as Zayn had, maybe even more.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

I clicked the number of the only one of the boys I could stand to think about. The line only rang once before he answered.

"Harry," I said, trying to hold back my tears.

"Cara, are you okay?" Harry asked, his voice thick with worry.

Now, I started to cry in earnest.

"No, I'm not okay, Harry," I mumbled, through my tears.

"What's the matter?"

"I'll explain later. Are you back from visiting your cousins?" I asked, wiping at my eyes desperately.

"Yeah, I just got off the train," he replied. "I'm really worried, here, can you please tell me what's going on? I'm dying here!"

"Can you just come and pick me up?" I begged.

"Of course, of course. Where are you?"

I gave Harry the name of the mall and a few short minutes later he was jogging through the rain to where I was huddled beneath an awning. Rain had soaked through my jacket and my hair was matted against my forehead. I could feel my mascara dripping from my tears. I looked like a wreck.

There were drops of fine mist clinging to Harry's curls and his face was contorted with worry by the time he reached me.

Thankfully, he didn't say anything, he just wrapped his jacket around me and led my shivering form to his car. He helped me in and fastened my seat belt, his hands lingering for a second longer than was strictly necessary.

He got in the drivers side, and started driving. Like Zayn and Niall, his car was expensive, an Audi R8. _That all made sense now, though_, I thought bitterly. The fancy cars. Zayn's nice house. The Rolex. _They're probably all fucking millionaires. And I'm the last to know! _

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?" Harry asked, taking my hand in his as he drove.

I faltered. Harry hadn't exactly told me about One Direction either. But then again, he hadn't hid it from me the way Zayn and Niall had. And he and I hadn't been romantically involved. It was different.

I felt another round of tears coming, but I wiped them away with my free hand.

"I didn't know that you and the others were in a famous band… and Zayn and Niall didn't even have the decency to let me know. I only found out because someone at the mall asked for Zayn's autograph!"

Harry stared at me incredulously, his eyes lingering on my face.

"You didn't know about One Direction?" he exclaimed, his voice full of genuine surprise.

"Look, Harry, you guys aren't _that_ famous. And I'm just not one of those girls who spends her free time obsessing over teenage boy bands!"

Harry gave me a simple smile.

"That's one of the things I like about you, Cara," he said.

"And I'm sorry if you think I lied to you, too," Harry said. "But I honestly thought you knew."

I shook my head.

"No, I don't blame you. I'm just mad at Niall and Zayn. They had thousands of opportunities to tell me, but they both decided to treat me like I was some kind of idiot, not to be trusted. I bet they even laughed about it together behind my back," I muttered.

I fell back against the leather of my seat, brushing away more tears.

Harry frowned. "As much as I hate so say this, considering how they've both treated you, I really doubt they did that. Look, they're not angels. None of us are. But they're not devils either."

"And you have to give them some credit: they have impeccable taste in women," Harry murmured, pointedly ignoring my eye contact, with a weird smile on his face.

"We're here," he announced half a minute later. Until that point, I hadn't realized we were driving any place in particular. I stared down the long driveway at Evie's house.

_Did he read my mind or something? _Out of all the places in the world, the one I most wanted to be right now was this one, with my best friend.

"How did you…" I wondered aloud. Harry shrugged.

"She's your best friend. If I was in your position, I would want to be with my best friends, too. I would have taken you to my house. But I'm just some guy who gives you rides," Harry said, getting out and opening my door for me.

I got out and stared at the boy in front of me, long and hard.

"Ok, Harry, you're right, you're not my best friend. But that doesn't mean you couldn't be…" I said, reaching for his hand, rubbing warmth into his fingertips.

"But you know what? You're definitely not _just some guy I ask for rides_. You're a hell of a lot more important than that."

Harry let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me.

I hesitated. The parts of my brain that normally revolved around Niall and Zayn were oddly silent. What was left was a longing for Harry, a longing I hadn't previously recognized. Slowly and deliberately, I wrapped my arms around him too. For the first time since founding out the truth about One Direction, I could breathe. Actually breathe.

The rain was still showering lightly, but my need for Harry's arms around me was too great to make me consider leaving. I moved my head to rest on his shoulder. Silently, we watched as the ghosts of our breath mingled in the dark air around us.

I felt Harry's fingers combing through my damp hair. I focused on inhaling Harry's scent: musky aftershave, the freshness of water, something unique to him that I didn't have a name for.

After what felt like only a few minutes, but what was probably much longer, Harry kissed my forehead and pulled away.

"Go on inside. You can always text me if you get lonely, I'll come right back and pick you up," he said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

I knew he was right. I couldn't just stay in his arms forever, no matter how much I wanted that.

Harry gave me a final hug before getting back in his car.

I waved as he drove away, and then trudged up to Evie's door.

I rang the doorbell, blowing on my fingers to keep them warm.

No answer. I rang it again. Evie's parents' cars weren't in the driveway, only a Porsche that looked vaguely familiar. But Evie was sick, and I knew for sure that she would be at home.

Still no answer. I rang the doorbell one final time, pulling out my phone, ready to call Harry.

Then I heard a rustle, and two pairs of footsteps on the other side of the door. A breathless Evie pulled open the door. Her chest was heaving and her cheeks were flushed. Her shirt was on backwards, and her shoes were only half on.

"Hi Cara," Evie exclaimed, looking extremely guilty.

And that was when I noticed the shirtless guy behind her, his face half covered by the dark shadows of the hallway.

But this wasn't just any guy. This was a guy I knew quite well.

"Hi Cara," Louis said, stepping out of the shadows.


	9. Chapter 9: Nothing I Ever Expected

This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFic (Chapter #9)

**Cara's POV:**

I stared at Louis blankly, at the guilty look etched on his face.

"Louis?" I choked out. My mind was flying in a thousand different directions.

"He's just leaving," Evie said, practically shoving Louis out the door, but simultaneously grabbing my wrist and pulling me inside.

Clearly Evie and I had a lot to talk about.

Evie led me into her kitchen and poured me a tall glass of diet coke, neither of us speaking. The tension flowed between us openly.

She sat facing me at the kitchen table as I drank my coke. In the background, a clock ticked, making our lack of conversation even more painfully obvious.

Finally, she broke the heavy silence that pressed down on me like a wet blanket.

"It's not what it looks like. With me and Louis, I mean. I just…. I've had feelings for him for a while, and I only really confronted them today…"

"Really? It's really not what it looks like? _Because it looked like you were fucking Louis_," I spat with ice in my voice.

I was in no mood to be pleasant. I had already found out that two of the people I cared about most in the world had deceived me. And now my closest friend was fucking their band mate. I just couldn't sit here and smile at Evie and tell her congratulations. I couldn't be that fake.

**Evie's POV:**

I didn't know what to tell Cara. I had already complicated things between her and Zayn, without realizing it. And now she thought I was sleeping with one of Zayn's best friends, Louis.

And I wasn't. At least, not yet.

The only thing to do was explain things as best I could and hope she believed me.

"As I was saying, I only really confronted my feelings for Louis today. And we got a bit carried away. But we _didn't_ have sex. We didn't go any farther than second base, actually."

As I explained, Cara's face became less and less stony.

After I finished, she looked at me carefully.

"So you and Louis are a thing?"

I nodded.

"Then I'm happy for you. I really mean that. Louis is a great guy. I'm sorry that I got so upset earlier, I just had a really hard day, and I was surprised, that's all."

Ok good, it looked like Cara and I could at least be friends again. Without dwelling any more on the matter, I got out of my seat and hugged her. She hugged back fiercely, before pulling away to start speaking, her voice shaking with emotion.

**Cara's POV:**

"I didn't know that Zayn, Niall, and all the others were in a famous boy band. And then, at the mall today, a little girl came up to Zayn and asked for an autograph. And I'm just so mad at both Zayn and Niall for not telling me, even though it's probably the most important part of their lives," I said glumly.

"I didn't know how famous they were either, until Louis told me," Evie said, patting my hand."I mean, I knew they were on X-Factor, but they only got third, so I was kind of shocked that now they have a record deal!"

"Can we please just watch girly movies and forget all about boys?" I asked. _Except for Harry_, I amended in my head. There was no forgetting him.

Evie quickly agreed, and we went up to her room. She laid out two sleeping bags on the floor in front of her TV and handed me a pair of her pajamas. They had fuzzy cats on them, and for a moment I thought about taking a picture and sending it to Harry. That boy sure loves his cats. But I decided not to. For once, Evie and I were spending time NOT obsessing about boys, and I wanted to enjoy it.

I put in the DVD we had decided on, _Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging_, and a few seconds later Evie joined me on the floor with steaming cups of hot chocolate and a gigantic bowl of popcorn.

During the previews, I checked my phone absentmindedly. There was a crap load of messages from Niall. I hurriedly deleted them all, without reading them. There were also four new text messages form Zayn:

The first was pretty straightforward.

_Cara where the hell did you go? I've looked 4 u everywhere we need to talk!_

The next two were more of the same:

_Seriously where r u?!_

_I'm having security look 4 u!_

But the last made me slam my phone down on the hardwood floor in anger. It read:

_Cara, I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt u. I feel horrible. I'll explain everything when we talk. _

Ha. He thought I would forgive him? That's cute.

Why did Zayn always have to mess with my emotions so much? Or, more importantly, why did I always let him?

The sound of the doorbell ringing downstairs pulled me abruptly from my thoughts.

**Zayn's POV:**

I slammed my fist against the steering wheel and let out a cry of frustration.

I had checked everywhere! Cara had only been in Bradford for a month, so she only knew a handful of places, and I had checked them all: the café Niall always took her to for lunch, my house, the school, Nandos, the park in our neighborhood. And I had had the security guards scour the mall.

There was still no sign of her!

I dug my phone out of the pocket of my jeans and typed out a new message, my fingers flying across the keyboard:

_Guys, Cara is MIA! Help me track her down! _

I clicked on the 'send message to' option and selected Harry, Louis, and Liam's numbers.

I sighed and then added Niall's number too. After all, he had been the one dating Cara. Maybe he knew something about her whereabouts that I didn't. Although, judging by Cara's horrible reaction today, it looked like whatever she had shared with Niall was pretty much over. Or would be soon anyways.

_Either way, he still deserved to know what was going on_, I reasoned, before clicking 'send'."

**Cara's POV:**

As soon as Evie heard the knock on the door she got up and paused the movie.

"Maybe Louis left something," she muttered before padding down the stairs, trying to hide a smile.

I stared at the patterns in the hardwood despondently. It sounded stupid, but I just wanted to be with Harry, with someone who could protect me from the big wide world, from people like Zayn and Niall. Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't really angry with either of them, just sad in innumerable ways. _Did they really consider me that untrustworthy and that unimportant?_

"Cara, its for you!" Evie shouted up to me.

_It must be Harry_, I thought happily, since besides Louis, he was the only person who knew where I was.

I skipped down the steps eager to see him again. I knew that just looking at his familiar smile and curls would make everything more manageable.

But as soon as I saw the person standing in front of me, I paused.

The brown haired boy standing awkwardly in the doorway, staring up at me with a sheepish look on his face wasn't Harry Styles. Far from it.

"Liam…" I exclaimed in surprise.

"What are you doing here?"

"Zayn sent out a mass text message telling us to help him look for you. He's going insane, Cara," Liam said. His gaze kept flickering between Evie and I.

"Maybe he should of thought of that before he lied to me," I replied, making my voice as flat and cold as I could.

"I'll, uh, leave you two alone then," Evie interjected, before retreating down the hall into the kitchen.

Liam huffed and for the first time since his arrival I looked at him closely. He was wearing a track suit, and his track jacket was soaked through from the rain.

"Liam did you RUN here?" I gasped.

He nodded and shivered violently. "As soon as I got Zayn's text, I left my meet, and jogged around town looking for you. I had a suspicion all along that I'd find you here, though."

"And you're coach isn't mad?" I fretted.

"Oh, he's pissed as anything. But he'll get over it," Liam said, shivering again.

"Here, come on," I said, leading him up the stairs to Evie's bathroom.

"You're soaking wet, Liam!" I exclaimed, handing him a fresh towel. Liam shrugged off his jacket, and then pulled off his shirt. I immediately looked away.

Or rather, I tried to look away. But he was toweling off his abs. His very toned abs. And now he was toweling off his arms, too. _And oh wow, god, stop that, that's turning me on,_ I thought, blushing a ridiculous shade of red.

"I can leave if you want," I offered, running my fingers through my messy hair, which I hadn't thought of combing since being out in the rain.

"Oh, no, no," Liam said quickly. "No, its, um, kind of nice in here," he added, scratching the back of his neck and looking away.

I felt a wave of heat rush through me. It was _very _nice in here, actually.

"I know you found out about One Direction," Liam said, picking up a bar of Evie's soap and playing with it, still not meeting my eyes.

I sank down to the floor and leaned my head against the lip of the bath tub.

"I'm honestly not mad at you, Harry, or Louis._ You_ all thought I knew. But Zayn and Niall both deliberately hid it from me. I'm not sure that I can ever forgive them. I just don't think what they did was forgivable," I said slowly.

Liam moved to sit beside me. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye. His shirt was still definitely _not_ on.

"You know, very few people only date one person their entire lives. I guarantee there will be others," Liam said, quietly, reaching out to stroke my cheek.

His touch reminded me of Zayn and Niall, and I began to cry in earnest, the stress of the day overwhelming me. Liam pulled me onto his lap and I buried my face in his bare collarbone. In between my tears, I managed to form a full sentence:

"The thing is, Liam, I don't think you're right at all. What _others_? Clearly I'm not even worth the truth. What guy is possibly going to want me?"

"Well…" Liam paused, and I pulled my face up to his level. Our noses were almost touching.

I felt my breathing hitch as our eyes connected.

"…for starters…" He stared at me for another long second. Then, very slowly:

"For starters, I want you."

I gulped.

"But I know I can't have you," he continued, tracing the outline of my lips with his pinky.

I chucked darkly.

"Liam Payne, I don't think you realize just how easily you can have me."

And with that I kissed him, long and hard, with the knowledge that whatever we might have in the future would be untainted by lies and pettiness.

And as we kissed, I tried to let him know that I understood that he was a famous singer, that I knew things wouldn't be easy, but that none of it would matter. After all, I didn't need easy; I just needed possible.

Liam pulled away and there was a light in his eyes I had never seen there before.

"Thank you," I murmured, speaking into his collarbone once more.

"For what?" He queried, laughing lightly as he held me firmly.

"Thank you for reminding me that some people, like Zayn and Niall, are just bad news. That even if you love them, they aren't good for your life. And you have to give the time to grow up."

Liam nodded. "I know what to mean, Cara. But while they're growing up, maybe we could grow together?" He held up our intertwined hands for me to see. They looked so right together. I kissed him again as my answer, slowly and with everything I had.

Together, we made a bed of towels on the bathroom floor and fell asleep, his arms wrapped tightly around me.

**A/N:**

**Hi guys, it's taken me forever to update and I'm super sorry about this. Believe it or not but I have already written almost the next ten chapters! **

**Also, thank you SO SO MUCH to anyone who has taken the time to follow this story, review it, or even just read it. I say this every time, but your reviews are the only reason I keep writing! **

**PLEASE, keep them coming. They motivate me so much! **


	10. Chapter 10: Afternoon With Liam

This Life I Live: A One Direction Fanfic (Chapter #10)

**Cara's POV:**

I woke up with my head in Liam's lap. He was already awake, and staring down at me with a sad look on his face.

"I better get you home," he said softly. I nodded in assent as he helped me to my feet.

Together, we cleaned the bathroom quickly. Liam put his now-dry shirt and jacket back on, much to my disappointment. At least I could breathe normally now, _ha ha. _

Evie was still asleep, but I left her a note thanking her for letting me stay over.

Liam and I got into his car and he drove to my house as slowly as possible, purposefully missing lights. Normally, I might have said something about this, and teased him for it. But today, I was just glad to spend a few extra minutes with him.

When we finally did reach my house he gave me lingering kiss and let me go. I waved as he backed out of the driveway, and he gave me a small smile and held up his phone. "Text me," he mouthed and I nodded hurriedly.

As I rang the doorbell, my stomach dropped as I realized how worried Tricia and the rest of the Malik family must have been. I felt awful. Running away had been such a stupid idea. I'm sure Tricia was out of her mind with nervousness: while I was staying with them, I was completely here responsibility! Oh god, they were really going to hate me.

The door opened with a bang and Zayn stared out at me, silently.

"Hi," I murmured, looking down at my shoes. When he didn't reply, I dragged my eyes to his face and a stab of pain shot through my body.

Zayn looked awful. He was pale, and there were dark circles under his eyes.

"I was up all night waiting for you to call," he responded, reading the question in my look. His tone was so harsh it felt like a fresh slap to the face. Suddenly, all of my anger from earlier came bubbling to the surface.

"Zayn, you have no right to be upset at me! You lied to me for over a month! Don't stand there and try and guilt trip me. You're not the victim here!" I spat.

"Well you should feel guilty! You ran away for an entire night, leaving me no hint of your whereabouts. And don't think I don't know about Liam! I saw him fucking dropping you off!" Zayn said, his eyes flashing.

"Zayn, I'm not going to stand here and deny that nothing happened between Liam and I. _I'm_ not a LIAR. But you hid the most important part of your life from me! Don't blame me for needing someone to treat me decently after _you_ treated me like shit!"

Zayn fell silent.

I gave him a final look of disdain before I pushed past him, fled up the stairs, and slammed my door.

The first thing I did was call Liam.

He answered right away. "Hi." One word and I started getting this stupid smile on my face.

"I just need to be with you," I told him. Unlike with Zayn or Niall, it was so easy to tell him exactly what was on my mind.

"Come over," Liam replied, simply. He gave me his address, and I didn't even hesitate: I grabbed my purse and some bus fare.

I changed into a fresh pair of jeans, and my favorite gray v-neck. I stuck my feet in my Toms, ran a brush through my hair, and grabbed the jacket I had worn last night. _Harry's jacket_, I realized. I must have kept it after he gave it to me. A lump of guilt rose in my chest and I quickly exchanged it for another.

I ran downstairs, wrote a long note to Tricia, explaining how I had stayed over at Evie's working on a project last night, and how I would be going over there again today.

I apologized profusely, signed my name, and then left. I walked to the bus stop, still fuming over Zayn's words and consulted the schedule, then got on the bus.

A few minutes later, I was standing at the edge of Liam's driveway. His house was just as big and fancy as I knew it would be. It looked like a smaller version of Versailles. But not that much smaller. It had a well manicured lawn dotted with statues, and a big ornamental fountain dividing the driveway. The house itself was made of an attractive grey stone, with columns flanking the front.

I rang the bell hesitantly. I half expected a butler in seventeenth century clothes to open the door or something. Thankfully, Liam answered.

"Hey," I said meekly. Standing on his door mat, at his super nice house, in front of him, I became shy. I didn't say anything, but he picked up on it intuitively.

"It's just us at home, everyone else is out. They'll be gone all day," Liam assured me. I felt a wave of relief rush through me. I just wanted to be with Liam, I didn't want to have to explain my visit to his parents. _Awkward_.

"Have you had breakfast?" Liam asked, touching the small of my back. For a second, I forgot the majority of the English language, but eventually I cam up with something rather brilliant to say:

"Um, no." _Cara pull yourself together_, I commanded myself.

"Then you must be starving. Don't worry I can cook," Liam said, taking my hand and walking towards the kitchen.

"I can't lie, I'm incredibly skeptical of your cooking abilities, Mr. Payne," I teased. It had been so long since I had felt like joking. What could I say? Liam's presence alone made me happier.

Liam gave me a sly look. "Prepare to be amazed," he teased back.

We entered the kitchen, which was huge, with marble countertops and a million gleaming appliances and freshly sanded cupboards.

Liam picked me up and set me down gently on one of the countertops.

"Just watch," he said, as he deftly mixed flour, eggs, water, a handful of chocolate chips, and a pinch of salt into a large mixing bowl. He measured, stirred, and poured the batter in a flurry. I stopped paying attention to what he was doing and just kind of stared at his arms which were very nicely, um, muscled, to say the least.

Before I knew what had happened, Liam was handing me a plate of chocolate chip pancakes, complete with whipped cream and sliced strawberries.

"Ok, fine, I take back what I said about you being a bad cook," I said, smiling up at him. Liam leaned in and kissed my nose. Be brave, Cara, I screamed at myself internally. I reached for the back of his neck and started kissing him full on the lips. He smiled into the kiss, and we both pulled away breathing heavily.

He pulled himself up to sit beside me on the counter and we began to eat.

Neither of us needed to say anything.

Afterwards, we did the dishes together, me drying while he washed.

Once we finished, he led me up to his room and I lay down on the bed. We were both on our sides facing each other.

"I'm so tired," I said quietly, not expecting him to reply.

"Let me put in a movie, then," he suggested. I felt like all I had been doing lately was watching movies, but instead of protesting I just nodded my agreement.

Liam put in Toy Story, and I laughed at his choice.

"You're such a little kid," I remarked tiredly, grabbing his hand and pulling him back onto the bed.

"Sorry for appreciating the best movie ever made," he retorted. "Just kidding. Toy Story 3 is way better." I laughed, as he wrapped his around me and let me lean my head against his shoulder.

Halfway through the movie, we both fell asleep.

When I finally woke up, Liam was sitting beside me, writing down what looked like song lyrics.

"What time is it?" I asked sleepily.

"Almost five," he replied.

"Oh. Sorry I slept for such a long time," I said chuckling. He laughed too.

"No, I needed time to work on these lyrics anyways."

"Are they for a new song?" I still wasn't too comfortable talking about One Direction, to be honest, but clearly if I was going to be with Liam, I would have to get used to that.

"No, not really. An old song, actually. It was on the last CD. But they have a new meaning now…." He trailed off, catching my eye.

"Do they?" I asked innocently. "Why do they have new meaning?"

"Because of you, of course," he said, laughing and tousling my hair.

I looked down at the lyrics.

_You light up my world like nobody else. _

I felt a shiver go through me. It was like Liam had taken the thought right out of my head! Even asleep, I had been dreaming of how I had never felt the way I did about Liam before. Not even with Zayn or Niall. Because with Zayn and Niall, everything had just been a very complicated lie.

When I broke out of my reverie, Liam was staring down at me.

"I like your smile," he said quietly. I giggled.

"I like your everything," I replied.

Liam's arms came out of nowhere, and he pinned me to the bed and kissed me gently.

"Liam, tell me something. How long did you like me?"

He looked at his hands, a sad smile playing on his lips.

"I had always had problems with my old girlfriend, Danielle. I don't know if you've met her, she's a grade above you. Anyways, I just remember meeting you and being stunned. And then I saw Niall ask you out. And it made me so angry. I don't have words to describe how it felt. It sort of hurts to talk about it," he said, getting up and looking out the window.

I got up slowly and hugged him from behind.

"They don't tell you girls can ruin your life," he said, to himself. "They don't tell you how happy they can make you, either."

I smiled to myself. It was cute to hear him talk about me as if I couldn't hear him.

"Do you need a ride home?" He asked, turning around. My arms fell away and I nodded.

Liam drove me home, taking several wrong turns "by accident" so we could keep talking. We talked quietly about trivial things, only, though. Neither of us mentioned Zayn or Niall.

As much as I didn't want to admit it to myself, I was still completely torn up about them. Though Liam had made me feel a million times better, I still felt numb that they could have both been so cruel. A hurt like the one they had inflicted upon me was going to take time to heal.

Luckily, the door was open, so I slipped into the house unannounced, and went up to my room. Even though all I had done today was eat, watch a movie, and sleep, I was still very tired. I threw on a pair of shorts and a baggy shirt and flopped down on my bed.

There was a knock on my door. Most likely Tricia, asking me about how the project with Evie went.

"Come on in, its open," I called out.

Niall walked in, slowly.

"Niall, what are you doing here?" I exclaimed. Of all the times to look like shit, he had to see me now...

"Zayn let me in. I figured I had a right to talk to my _girlfriend_ after she went missing," he practically shouted. Even with an angry frown on his face, he was still so good looking. His blond hair was disheveled, as if he had spent the past day running his fingers through it. He was wearing dark jeans, his white UCLA sweatshirt, and his classic white Supras. His cheeks were flushed with anger and his blue eyes were electric.

Part of me wanted to forgive him right then and there. Part of me wanted to run up to him, tell him I was sorry, and ask him to forget this whole mess.

Instead, I looked in the opposite direction and swore in my head:

_Your stupid perfect face is ruining my life and I hate you!_

"I'm NOT you're girlfriend, Niall. I never was. Not really. I mean I thought I was dating a _normal_ boy, not some famous singer! You fucking lied to me, Niall!" I shouted back.

"Cara, I thought you knew! I told you countless times! I was always talking about the music business! I was always mentioning concerts. I was always talking about band practice. I even told you at the private room at Nandos because I was famous!" He was shouting now, for real.

Every single argument I had had against Niall died in my throat.

Oh god. He was right. He _had_ told me. Countless times. I just hadn't thought he was serious. When he said 'concerts' I thought he meant they performed at coffee shops. I had thought he was _joking_ about being famous at Nandos, for Gods sake!

I explained that, and Niall gave me a sad look.

"Cara, I would never want to hurt you. But I didn't lie to you!"

"I know that now, Niall. I'm sorry, too. It's all my fault, after all!"

"It doesn't matter. I just need you to know that you're the most important thing in my life, One Direction included. And the only things I plan on changing about you are your name, address, and viewpoint on men."

I couldn't help myself. He was staring at me so intently, with such determination.

I ran up to him and hugged him. We rocked back and forth hugging for what seemed like ever.

"I need to take things slow, though, this time Niall. I want to do things right," I said.

Niall nodded, taking my hand and leading me to the bed.

He reached over and dimmed the lights.

"I'm tired," I mumbled, lying down, stretching my legs out, so that they crossed over Niall's.

"Same," he mumbled. "Let's just get some sleep."

I took his hand in the dark and clung to his fingers. It wasn't the same feeling I got with Liam. I had completely forgiven Niall, true. And yes, I wanted to be with him. It wasn't fair to him to end our relationship after he had done nothing but tell the truth.

But in the time that I had been mad at him, I had discovered my feelings for Liam. And it wouldn't be fair to him to just ignore them.

Before I could formulate a plan, I let the exhaustion I had felt all day engulf me once more, and I fell asleep.

**A/N: Hi guys, sorry I didn't update for such a long time! I don't have many excuses, but just school has been really busy, and I went to the East Coast for a while so I was busy with that. And then there's this boy haha. Also, my anorexia has sort of come back, so that has been hard to deal with. **

**BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME, I will updating lots more soon, I promise! I will be adding more chapters almost daily (hopefully). Also, I know there is no Louis and Evie in this chapter. Don't worry that is coming soon. They will have some adventures and drama of their own! **

**I hope you guys like this chapter and please please please review it! I say it every time, but the reviews are the only reason I keep staying up so late to write and edit these stories :p So keep reviewing, it means so much to me! Thanks! :) Oh, and have a lovely Thanksgiving everyone! **


	11. Chapter 11: More Confusion

**This Life I Live: A One Direction Fanfic (Chapter #11)**

**Cara's POV:**

"Morning, babe," I turned to the source of the thick Irish accent and smiled despite myself. I was cuddled against Niall's chest, breathing in the familiar scent of him. His hair was adorably messy and he looked as if he hadn't fully woken up yet. Of course, he had that annoying habit of looking like he had just stepped out of a commercial for slept-in clothes. I bet I couldn't say the same for myself...

"I forgot you stayed the night," I admitted to Niall, sitting up in the bed and taking his hand absentmindedly.

Niall leaned in and kissed me. "I hope you weren't _too_ disappointed," he mumbled whilst pulling away.

"Not at all," I replied with an idiotic smile.

"I should go." _Grr, well, yes, he probably should, before the Malik family, or god forbid Zayn find out he stayed over_, the rational part of my brain told me. Didn't mean I couldn't pout, though. Niall laughed when he saw the frown on my face, but it didn't seem to change his mind one bit about leaving.

He got up, put on his jacket, shoved his feet in his shoes, and gave me one final, slow kiss before closing my door.

I felt much better than yesterday, so I decided to shower and be mature and finish up the rest of my homework._ Wow, this is really out of character_, I reflected sheepishly as I sat down at my desk.

Thank god we didn't have school today because it was a teacher conference, or something.

I sat at my desk and worked until I reached my English assignment. I was supposed to write a personal letter. Yep, I had probably the most uncreative teacher ever.

I grabbed my pen but before I could plan what I was going to say, I started scrawling.

"Dear Liam..."

I didn't really know why I was writing, just that I knew this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have through text. I continued:

"I don't know what to say, except that I know I need to say something. I guess what I mean is that I don't have feelings for you. Yesterday was a moment of temporary insanity. I think you should get back with your ex-girlfriend. She's better for you than I ever could be. But I need you to stay in my life. As a friend. Please don't hate me for saying this. Because I honestly couldn't hate you if I tried."

I signed my name and then let out a huge sigh. I would give it to him tomorrow, and that was that. I still couldn't believe what I'd been doing the past two days! It was such a slutty thing to do... I mean I'd practically run into both Harry and Liam's arms the second I'd thought Niall had lied to me. What was my problem? _I really need to get my shit together. _

I felt my stomach grumble, so I went downstairs to the kitchen. Zayn was sitting at the kitchen table, an untouched sandwich and a glass of milk in front of him.

My instinct was to turn around and run back upstairs. But that action stunk of cowardice, and if there was one thing I wasn't going to do it was let Zayn Malik walk all over me.

I braced myself, and sat down facing him. His dark eyes watched me intently, and I couldn't read the expression in him. The silence stretched between us infinitely.

Zayn spoke first:

"I'm sorry I didn't tell the truth. I never wanted to be that kind of person," he said, his eyes locked on mine.

"Do you know you're an asshole, or does it just come naturally?" The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I'd said. _Oh my god, Cara why did you say that? Just tell him the truth, that you're hurt not mad! _

Zayn was shouting now.

"Cara, I'm trying to apologize! I know I lied to you. But I did it because I wanted you to like me for me, not for being in some famous boy band! That's why I did it!"

"Oh _sure_, " I muttered. Part of my brain though was wondering if he was telling the truth. That maybe he did actually want me to like him for him.

"Why do you have to be such a bitch about this?" Zayn cried, slamming his hands on the table in frustration.

"Don't call me a bitch! If I were really a bitch, I would make your life a living hell! After all, you _do_ deserve it," I spat.

Zayn closed his eyes for a long second and then opened them to stare at me once more. "I know you don't believe me. But I need you to believe me. Because I can't go on like this, with us fighting and not getting along. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. I hurt people. But when I say sorry, I mean it."

I sighed.

"I believe you. I really do." And I did. For some reason, I did. I couldn't explain it.

"But this can never happen again. From now on, I need the truth, always."

Zayn nodded.

"But in return, I need the truth from _you_," Zayn said slowly. It was my turn to nod, now.

"Let's start right now: do you see me any differently now that you know I'm famous?"

I felt my mangled heart speed up.

"Zayn, I always see you the same way," I said quietly looking down at my hands.

"And how do you always see me?" he asked, moving closer and kneeling by my chair.

I wanted so badly to lie to him, to save some shred of my dignity. I looked away, and he moved my chin so I my eyes met his.

"Every time I see you, you give me the kind of feeling people write novels about," I muttered, looking down.

Zayn gave me a long look.

"That's too bad, though, because of Niall and Liam," he said, his voice cracking.

"Liam and I... that was a mistake. I wrote him a letter explaining that."

"And Niall?" Zayn countered. His eyes were searching mine.

"I can't cheat on Niall," I said simply.

"You're not that kind of person, I already know," Zayn said standing up, and extending his hand towards me. I took it and stood up, too.

We had reached some kind of stalemate, it looked like.

"Besides, it wouldn't be right: you're my _sister_," Zayn said, dropping my hand. He gave me an abrupt, pained smile. I quavered. I didn't want to be Zayn's sister. Even after everything with Liam, Harry, and Niall, I still wanted to be the reason Zayn got up in the morning. _Oh gosh, this is really messed up_, I thought.

"I have to go, I have band practice," Zayn muttered, grabbing his keys and closing the door with a bang. I heard his car exiting the driveway. I sunk back down into my chair and laid my head in my arms on the table. I felt like a mess. Why couldn't I seem to choose between Zayn and Niall? It was true, I had feelings for them both. A million girls would be clamoring to date either of them.

The shadows slowly pooled into darkness as I sat. It was alost night time.

I felt my phone buzz, and I pulled it out. I noticed the time: two and a half hours had elapsed! And what had I been doing? Just running through pointless what-if scenarios in my head.

It was Niall:

**_Band practice is over, everyone else is going to the pub, come over plz? Xx _**

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to see Niall… I was so confused about everything. But in the end, I decided to go. I grabbed my phone, some bus fare, and then walked to the bus stop. I caught the bus to Niall's apartment. Niall buzzed me in, and I made my way upstairs, to the thirty second floor.

I had been to Niall's apartment a few times before, after Niall and I first started dating, but I was still shocked by the amazing view of the surrounding city.

Niall lived alone, since he was originally from Ireland. He had only moved to Bradford to be closer to the other boys, but unlike the other boys, his family hadn't moved with him. Which was kind of nice, in a way, although I did want to eventually meet the rest of the famous Horan clan. Niall called them all the time, it was obvious he was close with them, which I found cute.

Speaking of Niall.

He hung up my jacket and turned to face me. He was wearing his navy UCLA sweat pants, his signature white Supras, and a white UCLA sweatshirt with blue lettering. His eyes were alight with mischief, and his hair was messy, the way I liked it best.

"How was band practice?" I asked trying to hide the uneasiness in my voice, as he took my hand and led me over to the couch.

"Fine. We're leaving for Australia soon, on tour." I nodded, not really paying attention.

"Nice beaches there. You'll have fun," I said, playing with his fingers absentmindedly.

"Well - you'll come won't you?" Niall asked, concern saturating his voice.

I didn't know how to answer. On one hand, I had never been to Australia. I had never been anywhere, really. To Canada a few times, once to the Bahamas, once to Fiji. That was it. My family never had much money to travel very far. And until now, I'd never had a rich boyfriend to pay my fares for me.

On the other hand, I couldn't imagine going because I would have to be with the boys twenty four seven, doing everything together. I mean, it was awkward enough at school as it was.

Besides, I knew for sure that Liam and Zayn wouldn't want me to go, since they were both pretty conflicted about me.

"Please come?" Niall begged, sensing my hesitation.

I shook my head.

"I'll go to the airport with you, to say goodbye, but I just don't want to go, Niall."

Niall's face fell.

"Don't you want to spend time with me?"

"Of course I do…" I faltered, trying to think of an appropriate excuse.

"I just don't want to be followed around by paparazzi and fans the entire time. I don't want it to be a stressful trip. Besides, I came here to _study_," I emphasized. "I can't just take a few weeks off from classes!"

I felt bad about the small lie. It's not that I liked the thought of being hounded by the paparazzi, because I didn't- I just hated the weird sexual tension I felt between myself and Zayn even more. And I couldn't really explain that to him without him getting mad and jealous.

Niall nodded sympathetically.

"You know what? I have the perfect idea! After we get back from the Australia tour, I'll take you on a real vacation, just you and me! By that time it'll be Christmas break anyways, so you won't have to worry about school!" Niall exclaimed.

I groaned internally.

I really didn't think that was any kind of solution. The last thing I wanted to do was have it look like I was trying to flaunt my relationship with Niall in Zayn's face. _Damnit, why can't I aver just have an easy, regular, teenage relationship?_

"No that would be way too expensive," I argued.

Niall chuckled softly, and pulled me closer to him.

"You do know I'm not exactly poor, Ms. Johnson?" Niall asked, pulling me onto his lap and turning the full power of his blue eyes on me. Up close, his eyes, under thick lashes, were bottomless.

"I'm aware," I mumbled, trying desperately to manage my breathing. _Why does he have to be so hot? _

His hand moved to the small of my back, and he began giving me a slow, steady massage.

"You still don't have to take me on vacation. You don't have to do that," I said. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate on our conversation, with his hand caressing up my back. _Don't do that you're turning me on, _I protested silently.

"Ms. Johnson, I'm not actually asking. I'm telling: you're coming on vacation with me," Niall said, pulling me even closer than before.

I know I should have been super excited for this. Any other girl in my position would be! But it would only hurt Zayn, someone whom I didn't know where I stood with.

"I'll arrange everything, don't worry," Niall said, speaking into my collar bone.

"Ok," I said weakly, kissing below his ear.

I couldn't lie: I liked this demanding, possessive side of Niall. It was….dare I say it? _Sexy_.

Stupid teenage hormones. Making me give in to a great vacation. _Ha_.

"Besides, now we can finally have some alone time," Niall said in a low voice, giving me a meaningful look.

I shivered. That look. Just the look.

"Speaking of alone time…" I said, pulling my hands down to the hem of Niall's sweatshirt and lifting it over his head.

In one swift move, Niall got up and pushed me against the wall, kissing me hard. I was so surprised, I melted into him instantly.

I lost count of how many minutes we spent kissing, but after a short time, Niall eased me to the floor.

Eventually, we came apart. His breathing was just as ragged as mine.

Niall sighed and leaned his back against the wall, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to his chest.

"So, where does Ms. Johnson want to go?" I laughed. "Don't call me that," I said, and he just smiled at me like some innocent little boy.

"Where?" he asked again.

I shrugged.

"You sound like you have somewhere all picked out," I said, smiling up at him.

"Not at all," Niall said, smiling back. "But I could go anywhere with you, and be happy. That's just how it works."

"That's so cheesy!" I cried in indignation, shoving him away from me.

"Cheesy but honest," Niall said. He scooted closer once more, staring up at me under his lashes.

"At last your cute," I joked. Niall rolled his eyes, and leaned in to kiss my nose. We both started giggling like school kids.

"I'm so glad I found you," he added seriously.

His words made my heart thud loudly in my chest_ Maybe I had been wrong about my feelings for Zayn? _

Sitting here with Niall, there wasn't any pressure, and I wasn't being rushed in any way. My actions weren't done out of jealousy, or anger, or frustration. Everything I was doing now, I was doing it out of love. And I wasn't sure I could say the same for Zayn.

I thought of the chills I got with Zayn.

_You have to let him go, Cara_, I commanded myself. _You can't complicate his life. It's not fair to him. _

And so I promised myself I would forget him.

**Evie's POV: **

I stared at my computer screen. I was logged into chat, but Louis wasn't online. I'd texted him literally ten thousand times after 7, which is when he said band practice would be over, and hadn't gotten a single response. Finally, I gave in and clicked on the latest tabloid site, Popstar. I scrolled through the headlines until I found one I wanted to read: One Direction's Upcoming Australia Tour. My heart sunk. Was Louis really leaving? Lately, he'd been so busy with the band, we'd barely had a moment to ourselves.

I scrolled the article despondently, reading aloud to myself: "Band mates and past X-factor stars Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louis, and Harry will be travelling to Australia on November seventh, for a three week whirlwind tour of the 'land down under'."

I stared at the calendar hanging above my bed. November seventh. Louis hadn't even mentioned it. That was only three days from now! I looked back to my phone. No new messages. I could already imagine Louis getting mobbed by fan girls outside the recording studio. Maybe one of them was super hot. Maybe she liked carrots, and knew all about Louis' life! Maybe they exchanged numbers._ Maybe she was with him right now_.

If my mood could have got any worse, it would have. I slammed my fist against the power button on my computer and crumpled the calender into the smallest ball I could make. I collapsed on my bed in frustration. If Louis would just send me one tiny text message, I could stop all of this worrying... I looked at my phone one last time, using every ounce of mental power I had to make it vibrate. Despite that, the phone remained obstinately silent.

**Louis' POV:**

As soon as band practice was over I got into my Porsche and drove home. The rest of the boys were going out to the pub, but I had some...things to take care of.

Band practice had been awful. Zayn just pouted in a corner the entire time, rolling his eyes at Liam and Niall. Whenever this happened, Niall always looked super confused, and Liam just looked guilty. Not to mention the crowd of girls that had mobbed us outside the recording studio. Even though we were all starting to get used it, I'd been so focused on thoughts about Evie that I hadn't even signed any autographs.

The rest of my family was out watching a football game, so I had the house to myself. I grabbed my phone where I had left it on the kitchen counter and dialled Paul.

As I waited for him to answer, I played back the last few weeks in my mind. Our first album had shot to the top of the charts, surprising everyone, especially us, and prompting the Australia tour. But because of our crazy rehearsal schedule, I'd barely seen Evie.

"Louis?" Paul's voice crackled through the phone.

"Paul, I need a favor. Can I get a second ticket to Sydney? Like, now?"

Evie's POV:

_Frick, frick, frick! Why did it have to be so effing cold? _

I wrapped my thin cardigan around my shoulders, desperately trying to stay warm as I trudged towards the convenience store, which was only a few blocks from my house. In hindsight, walking to the store without a jacket at night during the English winter probably wasn't the smartest idea. Especially since I was planning on buying Ben & Jerry's which would only make me more cold. But jesus, nobody told me it was below freezing out here, I grumbled to myself.

Yes, this was a true moment of weakness. In the past half an hour, I'd done nothing but pace around my room waiting to hear from Louis, imaging him with his tongue down another girls throat. I'd called Cara at least twenty times, too, to see if she knew anything, but her phone was off. So I'd just decided that rather than stay in my room alone and get cheated on, I would stay in my room and get cheated on while eating ice cream. What can I say? Desperate times call for desperate measures, bitchados.

Thankfully, the neon lights from the convenience store were coming into view. I jogged the rest of the way, and shoved my way into the shop. A loud jingling bell above my head announced my arrival, but the shop keeper barely looked up. He was too preoccupied by the line of girls buying sodas and magazines with pictures of One Direction on the cover. Ugh.

I went straight to the ice cream section and started the intense process of choosing a flavor: Phish food or Cherry Garcia? Oh and what about Chocolate Madness? I mean, Chocolate is basically an entire food group so I should probably just get that...

I felt a hand touch the small of my back and I shrieked and turned around at break neck speed.

"Get your hands off of me you creep!" I yelled.

"Shhhh. Could you at least _try_ and be quiet?" said the tall boy in front of me. He was wearing a hood, but his husky voice sounded familiar.

He grabbed my arm, and before I could protest further, he pulled us into a deserted aisle. Slowly, he lowered his hood, looking around furtively.

"Evie, its me," Harry hissed, not letting go of my arm, as if he was afraid that I might try and run away. Well, under usual circumstances I would have. I know I'm always talking about how much I love One Direction, and how hot I all think they are. But I've known all of them except for Niall since I was a little kid. And Harry and I have never gotten along to say the least.

When we were in primary school, he convinced everyone to call me "Skeevy Evie" and he always used to blame his mistakes on me and copy off my homework. In middle school, he asked me to the spring formal, and even though I hated him, I said yes, because I'd actually thought he'd changed. he hadn't of course, and he ended up standing me up. It was so stupid, but I still kind of hated his guts for that. It didn't matter that he was in a famous boy band, Harry Styles was still the same annoying jerk I'd had to put up with for years.

"That was, um, a good disguise..." I muttered sheepishly. I was blushing horribly. Harry always made me feel so stupid. Luckily, Harry didn't make any comments about how red I was turning.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, desperately trying to steer the conversation in another direction. The last thing I wanted was Harry asking me what I was doing buying ice cream at a random store. If I didn't watch out, I'd end up blabbing about Louis cheating on me, and make everything a million times worse. Knowing Harry he would just make some comment like "well what do you expect? Louis has girls throwing themselves at him? Why on Earth would you think you're so damn special?"

Harry held up a packet of crisps and a candy bar. "It's hard work being adored by millions. Popstars need food too." I rolled my eyes and shoved him.

"You're so full of it, Styles." Woahh there, since when do you call him Styles? Only his friends called him 'Styles' (or Hazza, I'd noticed).

"Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not. Anyways, you never told me why_ you're_ here," Harry replied smoothly, turning his chocolate brown eyes on me. I knew girls at school who went nuts over those eyes, but I didn't really see anything too special there.

"Oh. Um. I just came to get some..." _Think fast, Evie_. I reached out my hand for the first thing on the shelf beside me. "Ketchup!" I said, staring miserably at the object in my hand. _Ketchup, really? Of all the things to choose? Why is my luck so horrible? Well, he already thinks you're a freak so..._

"Ketchup?" Harry asked in a disbelieving voice.

"Yes, well, you see... I was making hot dogs, but I ran out of ketchup, so obviously I had to come get some, but I don't have a car so..." I trailed off from my lie and looked up to see Harry grinning at me and shaking his head.

"You're funny, Evie, I'll give you that."

"Thanks?" I asked, not sure if that was a compliment or not. Harry's eyes locked on mine and the breath went out of me. It was like somebody had wiped my brain clean. All I could think was that Harry's eyes were a really, really annoyingly nice shade of brown. I take that back, I totally do see what girls mean about him being dreamy.

"Oh my god, is that Harry Styles?" a girl behind us shrugged. Harry broke my gaze, and turned around. He grinned sheepishly and gave a small wave. The girl ran over with her friends, and he began signing autographs. As the crowd became more intense, I slowly edged away. Harry reached out his hand and grabbed my arm. The second time tonight, I noted with pleasure.

"Wait for me outside. This'll only take a moment," he said. There was no reason for me to stay, now that I couldn't even buy my ice cream, which was the only reason I'd come in the first place. There was no good reason for me to go back outside into the cold and wait for him.

I nodded, and pushed my way past the small crowd that had gathered. Stepping outside was a relief, actually. I sucked in huge gulps of the frigid night air. What had just happened? My head was still spinning a few minutes later when Harry walked outside carrying a shopping bag. The fans had dispersed, for the most part, and now it was just us, outside.

"Sorry about that," Harry said apologetically. "The fans can get a bit ... overwhelming at times."

"Oh, it's fine. I'm used to it when I go out with Louis," I said, playing with my hair nervously. Since when does Harry Styles apologize for anything?

"Oh. Louis, Right, yeah, of course." Harry's voice seemed to go flat, and we both looked in opposite directions. This had to be one of the most awkward conversations of all time.

"Well, I should probably be getting home!" I exclaimed, pretending to look at my watch. "It's getting super late, and those hot dogs aren't going to cook themselves!" I said, trying to make my voice way more chipper than I felt. All I was going home to was an empty house, and a phone devoid of messages.

"Oh I forgot! I got you something!" Harry said, rummaging through his shopping bag. He handed me the bottle of ketchup from the store, with a huge grin on his face.

"Thanks, I completely forgot!" I said, laughing at how ridiculous this whole situation was becoming. _That was kind of sweet of him_, a voice in my head nagged. _Oh stop it, it's Harry Styles, he'd kick your puppy without thinking twice_, the more rational side of my brain argued back.

"You're right, though, it_ is_ getting pretty late. I should probably walk you home. It's what Louis would want," Harry said, flipping his hair and smiling down at me.

Louis. Right. Him. _Well, he probably _would_ want me to be safe_, I argued in my head. And... it was Harry. This was definitely NOT flirting.

"Yes, safety first, I suppose," I agreed. Harry grinned again, his eyes lighting up.

"Okay then, you lead the way, Ev," Harry said. It was so weird to see him like this, outside of school. In the hallways, he couldn't seem to go two seconds without making some disparaging comment about me or the fact that I was dating Louis. If he talked at all. Sometimes he just sat in the back of our group and drew cartoons of Zayn dying in different ways.

"It's this way," I said, leading him to the right street. We walked together side by side in silence. I racked my brain for something to say and then realized the reason I had let Harry walk me home in the first place was because I wanted to ask him something. Maybe Harry would give me the answers Louis wouldn't.

"So you guys are going on tour to Australia in three days?"

Harry started counting on his fingers. "Yeah I guess that's right," he said, with a chuckle. "You're a pretty overprotective girlfriend, aren't you?" he asked, smirking down at me.

"I am not!" I cried out with indignation.

"No need to be a bitch about it," Harry stated. I punched his shoulder. _Hard_.

"Ow!" He cried, grabbing his arm.

"Pussy," I muttered.

" Besides, if you must know, Louis didn't even tell me about the tour," I said, my voice sinking an octave and quavering at the end.

"Are you kidding me?" Harry stopped walking, and it took me a second to realize that. I turned around to face him. He looked so enraged, and for that one moment, all the disappointment I felt for Louis came crashing down around me.

"Yeah, I guess," I said. I started speed-walking, so Harry wouldn't be able to get a good look at my face, or see how upset I was about Louis hiding things from me. I didn't want to be pitied, especially not from Harry, which was ridiculous, because it was Harry Styles who never had feelings for anyone but himself.

We were almost at my house by this point.

Before I knew what was happening, Harry picked me up and swung me around to face him.

"Evie, did he really not tell you about us going on tour?" Harry's face was so close to mine and I gasped because up-close he wasn't this photoshopped boy from the magazines, his face was a lot more childish and emotional.

I looked down quickly and shook my head.

When I looked up, Harry was punching numbers into his phone with a fury I had never seen him use before. "Harry? What are you doing?"

"Calling the motherfucker," he mouthed.

"No, don't do that! I don't want to talk to him about this! I'd rather just hide my emotions and die on the inside! It's what I've been doing for the past few hours, and its been working really well!"

Harry just rolled his eyes at me. I tried to grab the phone, but he was a good several inches taller than me, and he just used his free hand to shove me away. I was powerless against him.

"Louis? This is Harry."

"Put it on speaker phone," I mouthed, desperately. Harry gave in and Louis' familiar voice crackled into the night air surrounding us.

"Haz? Can't really talk! I'm driving to Evie's right now."

Harry and I just stared at each other wordlessly. We both knew how suspicious it would look if Harry and I showed up at my house together. Just the two of us. Harry was such a womanizer, Louis would immediately suspect the worst.

"Oh, wait, hold on, I just parked, so I can talk now!" Together, we stood in the shadows and stared up at my driveway. Thank god a clump of bushes hid us from Louis' view. We, however, could see him just fine.

Louis got out of his Porsche and leaned against it as he talked.

"Right...well... you see, that's why I called. I ran into Evie at the store and she helped me get away from some fans! How funny is that?" Harry said, his voice filled with fake cheer.

"Hilarious," Louis responded, no trace of humor in his voice.

"So anyways.." Harry continued.

"Styles," Louis cut in, "where's my girlfriend?"

"Hold on, we're almost home," I interjected, grabbing the phone from Harry. "See you soon!" I snapped the phone shut and let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. I turned to Harry, both of us realizing that we had a lot of explaining to do to Louis. I'd never seen this protective side of him before. Maybe I'd been wrong about him cheating...

But either way, it didn't change the fact that Harry and I only had a few more seconds together before we had to confront Louis.

"Look, when can we talk again? Without Louis finding out?" Harry asked, reading my mind.

"Can you chat me?" Harry nodded. And then, without another word, Harry touched my arm for the third time. I felt a weight lifting off of me.

"Look, Evie, everything's going to be fine. Whether you stay with Louis or not..." I sucked in breath. What was Harry strying to say? Was he trying to say that I might end up with him instead? The very idea was ridiculous... Harry didn't have a girlfriend, he had mindless hook ups. That's just how it worked.

Before I could analyze his words further, Harry dropped his hand and we walked out behind the bushes that had hidden us from my driveway.

"Sorry! It took a little longer than planned to get here! Evie insisted on stopping to pet some cats." Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"Excuse me, I think that was you," I said. Louis gave the two of us a tight smile that didn't touch his eyes.

"I'm glad you're okay, Evie. Thanks, mate," Louis said, giving Harry a hard slap on the back. Harry winced.

"No problem. Just being a gentleman," he replied. I burst out laughing but concealed it as a cough. "Oh shut up, Evie," Harry said shaking his head in my direction.

"See you guys" Harry murmured before walking off into the dark.

"Evie what the hell was that?!" Louis turned on me the second Harry's figure was out of earshot.

"Just what Harry said it was! Why do you have to be so jealous all of the time! It's insane!" Ironic, really, when just hours before I'd been convinced Louis was cheating on _me_.

"Just promise me nothing happened?" Louis said, his hand massaging the bridge of his nose. Clearly, I had been beyond wrong about him cheating. Now I felt guilty for even thinking he might. Oh, and I felt guilty about the whole Harry thing too. But nothing happened! We what? Made eye contact? He touched my arm three times?_ Oh and he promised to chat you_, I reminded myself.

Besides, he was just the annoying Styles I had known since kindergarten. Making me look stupid, teasing me incessantly. Maybe it was a good thing afterall that the boys were going on tour. I was starting to think I really needed some space to sort things out.

"Nothing happened," I said, playing with my phone. When would I be able to login in to chat? Ten minutes? Twenty? Depended on Louis and whether he stayed over...

"Look, Lou, I'm really tired, can we talk tomorrow?" I asked.

"No, we really can't. Not if we want things to work out," he replied curtly, leading me to my porch. We sat down on the cold front steps and I shivered. It was still freezing!

"Evie, I really like you."

"I really like you, too," I replied without even thinking.

"But things have been hard lately. I've so busy with the band and you've been so busy with school..."

_He's going to break up with me. It's going to happen_, I realized. But the part of me that used to care about having a boyfriend seemed to have disappeared. For some reason, talking with Harry had kind of changed all of that.

"So I want to ask something of you." Louis said, getting down on one knee. "Will you come on the Australia tour with me?"

I felt like every scrap of breath in my body had been knocked out of me.

"Yes?" I squeaked out. Did I really just say yes? Louis leaned in and kissed me gently.

"I think this is going to be great." Louis and I talked quietly outside my house for a few minutes and then he left. I basically ran back inside. I took the steps two at a time till I reached my computer. I slammed my fist against the power button five times fast and waited as the familiar apple logo lit up the screen. I let out a sigh of relief.

I stared at my inbox and my heart sunk. No new messages. Duh! Harry had a million girls chasing after him. Why would he chat me? And besides, why would I even want him to? That was the more important question here.

Then the screen lit up:

**Hazzalovesyou: Hi**

**Evieluvsboys: Hi...**

**Hazzalovesyou: What's wrong?**

******Evieluvsboys: **You talking to me. It feels weird. 

**Hazzalovesyou: A good kind of weird? (U can b honest) **

******Evieluvsboys: **Yes. Happy now? 

**Hazzalovesyou: A little :) But you know me, I'm always a pissed off, selfish, bratty, angst-filled teen. Was Louis mad?**

I burst out laughing... that was so true of him.

******Evieluvsboys: **Not really. I mean, he still invited me to come to Australia with you guys. 

**Hazzalovesyou: Really? That's insane!**

**Evieluvsboys: A good kind of insane? **

Evie what do you expect him to say? This is the boy who ditched you three years ago at the spring formal!

**Hazzalovesyou:**** I suppose :p You'll make us look hotter just by standing next to us! **

******Evieluvsboys: Oh fuck you, Styles. **

**********Hazzalovesyou: That's not very nice, Evs. I would have expected more of a lady like yourself ;p **

**********Evieluvsboys: You're such an asshole. I don't know why I even wasted my time logging in! **

I was pissed off! What could I say?

**Hazzalovesyou**: **Look, I was only joking! Ur hot, don't worry luv! **

I burst out laughing, but I was oddly touched. Harry thought I was hot. All these years he'd acted like I was anything but.

**Evieluvsboys: Is that the best you can come up with?**

**Hazzalovesyou: The best I can do without Louis murdering me, yehhh... **

**Evieluvsyou: Do you really think I'm hot?**

**Hazzalovesyou: Do you really think I'm an asshole?**

**Evielusboys: I think you work really hard at hiding your emotions. **

I couldn't believe I just typed that! He's going to think I'm trying to psychoanalyze him or something. He didn't reply for the longest time.

**Hazzalovesyou: Maybe. **

**Evieluvsboys: I didn't mean to creep you out with my psycho-analyzation crap. I get it- it's your life, you don't need me messing it up. **

**Hazzalovesyou: I'm not mad. And tbh, I could use someone to mess up my life every once in a while :)**

**Evieluvsboys: I'm so tired. **

**Hazzalovesyou: Then go to sleep!**

**Evieluvsboys: I can't sleep. **

**Hazzalovesyou: It's because you need to be in my bed...**

I started chuckling. And imagining the warmth of Harry's body next to mine... WOAH THERE, let's stop that little fantasy right there.

**Evieluvsboys: Nice try, Styles. I'm taking your advice and going to sleep! **

**Hazzalovesyou: Wait! Chat tomorrow? **

I sucked in all my breath. Chatting with Harry was just a mess of mixed signals.

**Evieluvsboys: Fine. Bye.**

***Harry's POV:* **

I stared at my messages. What the heck was I doing? For so long, I'd liked Cara. And I mean, I still did like her. Talking to Evie wasn't going to change that! Besides, Evie hated my guts, always had, always would...

***Cara's POV:***

School. I'd been dreading it. Zayn drove me as per usual, and it was the usual tense silence I had come to expect. In French, I reread the note I'd written to Liam. Zayn leaned over to try and read what I had written but I quickly snatched it away from his gaze.

"Cara you have got to stop writing such slutty fantasies about me, I'm not THAT hot okay?" he joked. I laughed and rolled my eyes. _If he only knew_.

I folded the note into the tiniest dimensions I could create and passed it to Liam wordlessly. I watched as he opened it and read. His eyes which were usually a friendly shade of brown turned dark and hard. He crumpled the note in his fist. Zayn looked down and pretended that nothing was going on. For the next three days, Liam ignored me.

I was actually a little bit relieved when the day came for the boys to leave for Australia.

I hadn't exactly wanted to go and see them all off at the airport. But somehow Niall convinced me. He's pretty damn persuasive with his shirt off. That's all I'm saying…

Besides, they were going to be gone for almost three weeks; saying goodbye was the least I could do.

Niall and the others had decided to pick Zayn and I up at Zayn's house. We were being picked up last, since we lived the closest to the airport.

That's how I came to be standing outside the Malik residence at seven in the morning on this particular frigid November morning.

Neither Zayn or I made conversation as we stood awkwardly by Zayn's suitcases on the top step. Everyone else in the family had already said their goodbyes last night, since Zayn was leaving so early this morning.

All of a sudden, Zayn turned abruptly to look at me.

"Are you going to miss Niall?" he asked.

"He's my boyfriend, Zayn. Of course I'm going to miss him," I said defensively.

Zayn turned away, and impulsively I grabbed for his hand, luxuriating in the warm familiar-ness of it.

With my other hand, I touched his cheek, pulling his face closer to mine.

"If it helps, I'm going to miss you, too," I said, trying to hold back the tears I suddenly felt coming on.

Zayn gently removed my hand, but kept tight hold of it.

"That doesn't help! That doesn't help at all!" Zayn growled, freeing his hands, and shaking my shoulders violently.

"Don't you get it Cara? I ALWAYS miss you!"

"That's the problem," he murmured softly, dropping his hands with a sigh.

Before I could formulate a reply, the sleek black limo pulled into the driveway, and Zayn moved even farther away from me.

We got into the limo silently. Evie hugged me fiercely, and kissed both my cheeks. Louis had invited her to go, and unlike me, she had agreed wholeheartedly. I was happy for her and Louis. They were adorable together, in a weird way.

Niall sat beside me and slung his arm around my torso casually.

Everyone talked noisily about the trip on the way to the airport, but when we actually arrived, there was very little fanfare, because the boys were flying out of Bradford, not London. It was nice to walk beside the boys into the airport as we were led to the VIP waiting lounge, without being bombarded with fans. _Maybe I hadn't been lying to Niall at all about being phased by the attention? _

Besides, it would be hard enough to say goodbye to the boys without the whole world looking on.

As soon as we got to the VIP lounge, the boys had their luggage put on the plane. I watched, and soon my eyes were prickling with tears for the second time that day. I struggled to say something, but no words came out.

Harry hugged me first, for quite some time. Finally, Niall cleared his throat loudly and Harry backed off, blushing. I touched the side of my neck where Harry's warm breath had touched my bare skin.

Niall wrapped his arms around me and kissed me gently.

Zayn was next, giving me an awkward one-armed hug, not meeting my eyes. That was it. I tried to suppress the bitterness I felt at his half-hearted gesture.

"Time to go," Paul announced, herding the boys and Evie towards the gate. Evie blew me a round of kisses.

I waved madly at them and they waved back, before they disappeared from my view.

I turned and started walking out of the VIP lounge when I heard my name being called frantically.

I turned and a firm pair of hands gripped my elbows.

"Evie, I need you to know something," Liam said, panting.

Before I could ask him what, he was pressing his lips to mine.

I felt my body relax under his touch, and I kissed him back, slow at first, and then with a long-repressed urgency.

Liam pulled away first and hugged me close.

"I know now," I murmured into his ear.

"And I want you to know this too," Liam said, talking into my hair.

"I don't know how, but you've become the most important part of my life. And I can't tell if it's killing me or if it's making me stronger. Please remember that when you're halfway across the world from me."

I didn't know what to say. It was as if his words had electrocuted me, and it was now impossible to form a coherent thought, let alone sentence. After what seemed like forever, but was probably more like a few seconds, I came up with something:

"Liam, I'm warning you right now, before you get too involved, I'm a _fucking mess_."

Liam shook his head quickly.

"Something always brings me back to you, Cara."

Luckily, before I had to reply to Liam, an irate Paul started yelling at him from the gate, pointing frantically at his watch.

Liam gave me one last hopeful smile before dropping my hand and jogging to where Paul stood.

I gave him one last wave, and then turned around, thankful that, for the next three weeks at least, I wouldn't have to be staring into Niall's deep blue eyes with guilt.

**Liam's POV**

Once I reached the gate, Paul gave me a hard look.

"That was Niall's girlfriend, wasn't it?" he said gruffly. Before I could reply he began to walk briskly down the terminal, and I ran to keep up.

As his words hit me, I felt a millisecond of guilt. Niall and I had been close ever since X Factor, and even more so when all of us had moved to Bradford to stay together as a boy group.

But then I remembered the taste of Cara, the scent of her soft vanilla perfume, and the way her smile knocked me breathless. And I couldn't be sorry for what I had done.

I knew Cara was confused. She was technically dating Niall. She was always fighting about one thing or another with Zayn. But the way she had kissed me back, her passion matching mine…. There was no doubt in my mind.

Paul gave me a final stern look before we boarded the plane. I sat in the only free seat, directly between Zayn and Niall.

"Where'd you go, man?" Zayn asked, looking up from his phone.

"I uh…left my…uh…passport at um… security.." I muttered. I was going to have to get a whole lot better at lying, I realized.

Paul shot me another dark look and chuckled darkly. I rolled my eyes.

At least Cara knew. Knew that for the next three weeks, I would be thinking of her and only her, Niall Horan be damned.

**A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a while. Things have just been really, really tough at the minute. But I made this chapter extra long for you guys! Please keep reviewing and reading and feel free to tell your friends about this story lol not to sound lame but you guys who read this and the reviews you give are the only reason I keep writing! Also, should I keep writing about Evie? Is that interesting? I really like to do it... :) **


	12. Chapter 12: Not What I Want

******This Life I Live: A One Direction Fanfic (Chapter #12) **  


******Evie's POV: **

"I uh…left my…uh…passport at um… security.." I turned away from Liam, bored. Finally, it looked like we were going to be able to take off.

"Nervous, babe?" Louis asked. I wanted to roll my eyes at him. I didn't get nervous about flying on planes, he should know that. A real boyfriend would know that. I shook my head but Louis ignored me and continued rubbing circles into my hand, which he insisted on holding at all times, especially when Harry was around. Which he was, since he was coming with us, obviously. Harry was sitting only a few feet away, actually. his head was down and he was focused entirely on his phone.

I felt guilty. For the past few days Louis had insisted that he and I spend every single second together and he was starting to really get on my nerves. It wasn't even that he didn't know me very well: it was that he didn't know me at all! But more importantly, spending all my time with Lou had meant that I hadn't had any time to chat with Harry. Which might or might not be a good thins.

"I can't wait to get to Sydney! We'll go out for a romantic dinner, and then check out the city..." Louis said wistfully, stroking my cheek. I looked over at Harry. He hadn't even looked up from his phone. More proof that he didn't give a crap about whether I was with Lou or not.

"Yeah," I muttered with a sigh. Thankfully, after only a half an hour, Louis fell asleep. I stared at him as he slept. He was wearing a navy v-neck, navy pants, a gray beanie, and converse. Stupid outfit, I thought to myself. Too much navy, and it's not even that cold, whats he doing wearing a beanie? Everything Louis was doing nowadays seemed to annoy me.

I decided that I needed to talk to Cara. Maybe she at least could help me figure out this whole mess. I mean, did I like Harry? Like, as more than the annoying band mate of my boyfriend?

I sent her a text message saying: Hi babe! I miss you already! I'm super excited 4 Aussie, but I need ur help! Things have been super werid w/ Harry lately. He walked me home 3 nights ago, and now idk, I've been thinking about him a lot? Like, more than Louis?

I waited for Evie to reply, until I realized I didn't have any service, since we were on a plane. Well, duh. I'd been up half the night stressing about this trip, and it looked like I was finally starting to crack.

Zayn was listening to his ipod in a corner. He always seemed super moody lately. Probably because of Cara. Half the time I want to go over to him and shake him and be like: "Can't you see it? The way she looks at you isn't the same as the way she looks at any other guy!"

Liam was sitting as far away from Niall and Zayn as was possible. He was beside Harry, ranting nervously about how much he hated plane food. He seemed really nervous, which was weird. Out of all of the boys, Liam was the only one who was consistently mature and in control.

"Paul? Where's the loo?" Harry asked, cutting Liam off.

Paul gestured towards an opaque screen which divided the front half of the plane from the back. "Back there," he mumbled, staring down at his laptop.

"be right back," Harry said to no one in particular, getting up and striding towards the back section. Liam gave me a "did I do something wrong look?" and I just shook my head.

I stared down at Louis who was still sleeping peacefully. I ground my teeth in frustration. Finally, I made up my mind and followed Harry through the screen. Besides Liam, no one had even looked up. Niall was still engrossed in writing his lyrics, and Zayn was still sulking with his ipod. Paul was swearing under his breath and typing furiously.

I pushed the door shut behind me with my hip. Just as I suspected, Harry wasn't using the loo at all. He was just sitting in an empty chair, by the window.

"Hey," I murmured, sitting down in the chair facing him.

"Oh great, it's you," he grumbled.

"Oh don't be like this?"

"Like what?"

"Like a little bitch, Harry! I know I didn't chat you, but come on, you have girls everywhere who'd marry you in a heartbeat!"

Harry sighed. "That's true. All the girls do want me." Just like that, my heart sunk. Why did I ever want to talk to him in the first place? he didn't feel a single thing for me!

"Oh my god, Styles, you have to get in touch with reality! Not all girls want you! In fact, you're talking to one who doesn't!"

Harry just smirked at me. "Admit it. You'd love to date me!" I shook my head. "Not even," I said. My hand went instinctively to my phone, where my latest message to Cara was stored. Harry caught my eye.

"What's on your phone? Dirty sexts to Lou-Bear? Eh?" He wiggled his eyebrows devilishly and reached for the phone. I blushed deeply and moved away from him. "Not even," I scoffed, stuffing the phone into the back pocket of my phone.

"So how are things with Lou-Bear then?" Harry asked casually, making a face like he'd just witnessed me vomit multiple times. We were both standing now, and I was shaking with nerves, while Harry was leaning against the wall of the plane.

"There fine, thanks for asking," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. Harry came towards me and took me by the shoulders. "I think you could do a lot better, love," he said, staring deep into my eyes. He wasn't that much taller than me, and his thick curls brushed my forehead. A wave of his cologne washed over me and I made a little choking sound in the back of my throat.

"Wha-what?"

Harry moved his hands down my torso till they were resting on my hip bones. "I mean, Louis a good guy, but Evs, I'm not sure he's the one for you.." Harry said. While I tried to make sense of his words he worked his left hand to my back and lower to my butt.

Before I realized what he was doing, he had grabbed my phone and was stepping away from me, scrolling through my phone. "Harry that's private property! Give that back right now!" I hissed, my eyes flashing dangerously. I prayed that he wouldn't notice the message that mentioned him.

"Private you said? I knew I was right about those slutty sexts!" Harry said, laughing, holding the phone above my head. I retained what little dignity I had and crossed my arms defiantly.

"Fine, there's nothing to see anyways!" I said. Maybe he would just give up? But then again this was Harry, the most annoying person on the planet, and "giving up" wasn't really his style.

"Oh my god.." Harry stood stock still and stared at the phone screen. _He saw it. He knows. _

"Evie? What the fuck?" He held up the message giving me the strangest look I had ever seen. His eyes were blazing and his breathing was strained.

"it's nothing," I mumbled, looking down at the floor and playing with hair. My blush gave me away.

"Look, Evie, there's a reason I didn't take you to the spring formal, okay?" I sucked in all my breath and prayed I wouldn't break down and cry in front of Harry right then and there.

With his words still hanging in the air like some kind of poison, Harry slammed my phone to the ground and pushed past me through the doors.

I got to my knees and picked up my phone with shaking hands. Tears were slipping down my nose and onto the floor but for once I didn't care about making a mess. My phone was cracked in three places from where Harry had thrown it down. I held in my cries and sobbed silently.

What had I been thinking? Harry was still the same asshole as always. We chatted once, and he walked me home, but that was just him being his usual player self. He was right: nothing had changed since middle school- he still didn't want me.

I walked to the bathroom and washed my smeared makeup from my face. At least my eyes didn't look to red. I zipped up my jacket, shoved my mangled phone into my pocket. Evie, it doesn't even matter, you have Louis.

With that message echoing in my ears, I walked back out to the front part of the plane. Everyone else was asleep. I settled myself in my previous seat beside Louis. I was still facing Harry, and asleep he looked stunning. A fresh wave of anger and hatred rushed over me and without thinking, I kicked his shin. Hard. His eyes flew open and I flipped him the bird. With a last smirk in his direction, I closed my eyes and settled myself against the warmth of Louis body.

*Liam's POV*

"We're in Australia mates! We're in the land down under!" Louis exclaimed, jumping up and down on his seat with excitement We'd just touched down a minute ago, and the captain had just turned off the 'fasten seat belt' sign. Niall joined Louis in his chanting and jumping. I rolled my eyes at him. How did that joker Niall end up with Cara? _There really must be a God if miracles like that can happen_, I reflected.

We got off the plain and I did my best to avoid Niall, which wasn't easy since we all had to get out luggage together, and we all ended up being crammed into the same car on the way to the hotel.

The hotel was nice. Or at least, the lobby, where we were standing right now, was nice. All six of us had spread out on the plush green couches while Paul argued with the people at the front desk.

A minute later, Paul strode over to us. "Lads, I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem. We were supposed to have three rooms, with two beds each, but they overbooked and now we have two rooms, with two beds each!"

"Oh for fucks sake! No! Paul, didn't you tell them we're ONE DIRECTION?" Zayn exploded.

"Woah, mate, chill out. We can all share, can't we?" Louis asked.

"I'm with Zayn- I'm not sharing with Niall!" I put in.

Zayn turned on me, his eyes ablaze. "Well I'm not sharing with YOU either, you girl-stealing man-slut!"

"What do you mean you won't share with me? Is it because I'm Irish?" Niall butted in. Zayn and I turned on him simultaneously. "You're dating our girl," we both said in unison. Crap. Both of us looked away in embarrassment, fuming.

"Cara? Cara is _my_ girlfriend, and if you think otherwise, we might have to take this outside!" Niall roared, slamming his phone down on the table and standing up. All five of us stood up automatically.

"Or we could just do it right here!" Zayn exploded, ripping off his jacket. "I'm down with that!" I agreed. Before I even knew what I was doing I was punching Niall in the jaw. He crumpled to the floor and Zayn turned on me.

"You completely took advantage of her! She was vulnerable!" He raged. I was so focused on his accusations that I didn't even see his fist come at me. I felt myself get knocked back and I landed hard on the coffee table with a thud. All my blood rushed to my head and a new feeling of urgency rushed over me. _Oh that was it_. I jumped back up and started punching Zayn with everything I had, throwing every bad word I knew in his general direction.

After a few seconds of this, I felt a pair of hands pull me off him.

"Boys, outside, now," Paul hissed. We followed to the back entrance of the hotel and the second we were alone, he turned on us.

"Lads, THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU ARE TEENAGE BOYS, NOT ANIMALS. And more importantly, until a few weeks ago, you were best friends," Paul added softly. "Now, I don't know what's going on with this Cara girl, but she's not here, and I don't want any more of this bullshit. You are here to work, is that clear? If there's a single other fight, we're getting back on that plane. Do you understand me"

All of us nodded and looked down at our feet. Paul rarely got mad, and when he did it was always serious. We used to joke that when Paul got mad, he turned into a football coach from hell- always had to address us by our last names.

"Ok, now that that's been dealt with. Room Assignments. Louis, you're with Malik and Horan. Make sure they're not at each others throats, Tomlinson."

"Sir yes sir," Louis said, saluting him. Everyone let out a tense laugh.

"Evie, you're with Payne and Styles. Separate beds, of course!" he said hurriedly, shooting an apologetic look at Louis.

"Well, now that that's been taking care of, let's get unpacked!"

Evie's POV:

I followed Liam into the elevator silently. Louis had already gone up to the room with Niall and Zayn. He hadn't time to say anythign to me about the fact that I was sharing a room with Harry, since Zayn and Niall had started fighting the second Paul left to arrange the concert schedule.

The ride to the seventeenth flour was deadly silent. I followed the boys numbly to the room. Liam swiped our room card, the green light lit up, and we pushed into the room.

"I'm exhausted, mates," Liam announced, stretching diagonally across the first bed in the room. He did look beyond tired. There were bags under his eyes and there were bruises already starting to form on his arms. I went to the closet and began to put away the clothes I had brought. I did the same for Liam's clothes since Liam had fallen asleep practically the second his his head hit the pillow. I guess that's what getting into fights over girls does to you, I thought to myself with a chuckle. Not that I would know. Nobody would ever fight over me. Not even Harry and Louis.

I reached for Harry's bag to put away his clothes without thinking about it.

"Would you mind getting your hands off my stuff?" Harry growled, ripping his bag from my hands.

"Sorry," I muttered, jumping away. I went to sit over by the window as Harry unpacked. It was stormy outside, and raining hard. For once, the weather matched my mood. For a brieft second, I looked over at Harry. He was still wearing what he had been wearing earlier: dark jeans, sneakers, a gray blazer, and a light blue t-shirt. I sighed. Even after an insane plane ride, he looked nice. Well, that's annoying.

I dug my phone out of my bag and noticed I had a new message from my mom. My heart sunk immediately. I guess I should explain a little about that. You see, my parent's have always kind of ignored me. Even as a child, nothing I did was ever good enough for them. For a while I tried to impress them constantly. Perfect grades, perfect attitude, perfect extracurriculars. Loving. Kind. All that jazz. But it didn't make any difference. By the time I hit secondary school I knew better than to run after them like some kind of pathetic puppy. It was no different now: everyday they ignored me, and when they did talk to me, it was simply to point out my flaws.

The text message was just what I'd been expecting:

_**Just got your report card. Maybe you want to TRY a little next quarter? At least we know you'll be too busy studying to go out with those "friends" of yours - but who am I kidding? They'll probably be happy to get rid of you!**_

I sucked in all of my breath and gulped trying not to cry. _You can't cry in front of Harry, that'll only make it worse,_ I reasoned in my head.

The sky outside was almost completely pitch-black, and when I looked at my watch, I realized it was almost ten o clock. I was exhausted, so I went to the bathroom to get changed. I stared down at my pajamas miserably. Since I thought I'd be sleeping in a room with Louis, I'd only brought a nightie. A black silk nightie. From Victoria's Secret. CRAP. I was going to look like some kind of slut in front of the boys and I was going to freeze my ass off while doing it.

I had no choice, though, so I put it on. I steeled myself by taking a big breath. I walked out.

Liam was still asleep, so at least he didn't see me in my slut-gear. Harry was nowhere in sight, so I dived for the comforter of the remaning bed.

"What are you doing?" Harry growled through clenched teeth, stepping out of the closet.

"Going to bed what does it look like?" I replied tersely. I so wasn't in the modd for Harry Styles right now. "Could you like go die, k thanks bye," I said, shutting my eyes and flopping down on the bed. I felt the covers being ripped off and I shrieked and flipped my eyes open.

"That wasn't funny, Styles!" I grunted, sitting up and smacking his chest. His bare chest, I realized a second too late. "And could you put on some clothes?" You're making me lose my appetite!"

"You're one to be talking about clothing!" Harry shot back, grabbing the hem of my nightie and yanking me to him, so close that our noses were pressed against each other. My breath hitched. I couldn't help but notice that his hand was still gripping my leg where my nightie ended. I tried not to shiver.

"Out of the bed, Evs. You're bunking with Liam," he said forcefully. I jumped away from him and shook my head. "Yeah, right, buddy. How about _you_ share with him?"

Harry let out a low chuckle. "Stop being such a pain in the ass. Just get in the other bed!"

"Look, I was here first. But if you ask nicely I just might, might let you sleep here too. As long as you keep five feet away from me at all times," I added, tacking that last sentence on the end for good measure. Not that Harry would try anything...he'd made that pretty fucking clear. But still.

"God, you're such a girl. Fine. Can I please, pretty please, with a nice red condom on top sleep in this bed tonight?" Harry asked. His voice was so sarcastic, I turned on my side so he wouldn't be able to see how hard I was laughing.

"Yes, I suppose so," I said, trying to suppress my chuckles. I felt the weight of Harry's body through the mattress as he got into the bed and turned the light off.

"Night, Styles," I added grudgingly. "And when I said five feet, I meant it!"

"Night, Evs," he replied. "And five feet won't be a problem. Unlike those cheesy teen romances you probrably like to read, not every boy you think you "might like" is going to like you back." I groaned internally at Harry quoting the text message I'd tried to send to Cara. His voice was so harsh I couldn't help but cringe.

"Oh and by the way, I hope you don't mind that I turned the heat down to the lowest setting possible!" Harry added in a sugary sweet voice. I sat straight up. I was already freezing now in my nightie and who knew how much colder it was going to get now that Harry'd turned the heat down? For the millionth time I wished I had thought to pack a sweater in my suitcase, but I'd run out of room and had Louis pack them in his. Now they were all the way in his room, and I couldn't get them till tomorrow.

I shivered all over.

"That won't be a problem, now will it _love_?" Harry continued in his sickly-sweet voice. I sucked in my breath. _He's just trying to annoy you, Evie. Let it go. Be strong. You got this. _

"Not at all,_ love_," I replied, mimicing his sugary tone and gritting my teeth.

It took me forever to fall asleep since I could barely go two seconds without shivering.

I woke up three hours later, my teeth chattering. My entire body felt like an ice cube. I couldn't feel my fingers or toes, and when I took a breath, a fairy-print of my respiration formed in the air.

"Harry," I hissed. He didn't respond. I picked up my pillow and whacked him with it. That ought to do the trick.

"Oi, what?" he groaned grogily.

"How do you turn up the heat?"

"Oh you use the remote, love," Harry responded with a grin. "Can't believe you woke me up for _that_!" he continued, laying his head back down. I shook him, trying to ignore the warmth of his bare skin. How did he stay warm asleep in sub arctic conditions? Maybe he was some kind of genetically-modified super man...

"What now?" Harry asked opening one eye and flipping over to face me.

"Where's the damn remote, Styles?"

Harry broke into another childish grin. "Oh I don't think you want to know..." I growled in frustation and without even thinking, I rolled over to Harry and straddled him, pinning his arms to his sides. "Where's the remote, Styles?" I spat.

Harry flashed an evil grin at me and snapped the elastic of his boxers. _Christ! He put the remote in his boxers? The one place I couldn't get at it... That was just pure evil. But this was Harry Styles we were talking about. Where else would he have put it?_

I rolled off of him and sighed in defeat. I tried my best to fall back into a fitfull sleep.

I woke up about an hour later coughing. Every limb in my body felt frozen, like I was some kind of ice-sculpture. Harry flicked on the light and got up wordlessly. I watched as he pulled out the remote and shoved the heat to the highest setting. I sighed in pleasure as the heating vents creaked into life. _Warmth, my old friend, how I missed you! _

Harry came back to the bed and handed me a wooly object. I stared at it uncomprehendingly. "It's my jumper," he said, softly. I looked up at Harry uncomprehendingly. Harry shook his head the way he would with a slow child.

"Here, you put it on like this," he said, tugging it gently over my head and sliding my arms through it. I stared at Harry's hands interlaced with my fingers. He quickly dropped his hands and moved back to his side of the bed.

"Thanks," I murmured, as Harry turned off the light once more.

"No problem," Harry muttered. I curled into a little ball and breathed in the scent of him, which clung to the sweater. For some reason, the scent seemed to lull me to sleep.

The next morning, I felt a hand slap my butt. It's an easy target, since I always sleep on my stomach. "Ow," I groaned, flipping over and rubbing my butt. It was Harry, of course.

"Rise and shine, love," he said, wiggling his eyes at me. He seemed to have completely to have forgotten the horrible things he said to me yesterday on the plane and then later here. Whatever. He was so bipolar it was kind of freaking me out.

"You hate me, remember?" I ask, trying to get my head straight. Harry shook his head. He was still shirtless, but this time, instead of Pajama bottoms, he had on jeans, a belt, and a pair of Vans. His briefs rose up higher than his jeans and I sighed. Today was going to be a long day.

"I don't hate you," Harry said softly, setting down his pop tart and playing with a bowl of peanuts on the table beside him. He sat down on the table and I waited for him to say something more but he didn't. _Be that way_.

I walked to the bathroom and changed into a more modest outfit. Jeans and a grey v-neck. I tugged on socks and a pair of Supergas. It sounded ridiculous, but I hated taking off Harry's jumper. I stared at myself in the mirror and groaned. I looked like microwaved shit but I was too lazy to put on any makeup, so I just left. At least this way Harry might see how crappy I looked and feel guilty for turning down the heat!

My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Louis:

_**I missed you last night! We are all going to breakfast at the hotel. Come soon :) **_

Oh great. I was starving. "Put on a shirt, Styles! Everyone else is already at breakfast!"I handed him back his jumper and he looked down at it awkwardly, most likely remembering last night.

Harry grabbed it and tugged it on, smiling in my direction. This was such a weird side of him, I was so confused. It didn't seem like Harry could make up his mind about whether or not he hated him. Well, its not like I had a clue how I felt for him.

"Where's Liam?" I asked, turning to the other bed. "Already left," Harry said, nibbling on a pop tart.

"We're going for breakfast, you know," I said haughtily, poking him in the stomach.

"Are you calling me fat?" Harry joked grabbing our room key.

"Not_ fat_, big boned," I replied, closing the door behind us as we stepped out into the hallway.

"You're going to pay for that!" Harry exclaimed. I was already a few steps ahead of him and I started running. Harry let out a laugh and started chasing me. I turned and he was right on my heels. The elevator was straight ahead- I was trapped! I kept running, not caring.

I slammed into the elevator and spun around to face Harry. He pressed his face to mine.

"I'm taking you down, love," he said. He was grinning but his eyes were flashing mischieviously.

"I don't think so," I murmured. Every single fiber of my body was charged with anticipation. I tried to breathe normally, but Harry's lips were getting closer to mine. Right before they were about to touch, the elevator doors I had been leaning on burst apart and I stumbled backward and tumbled down, hitting my head on the wall.

"Shit!" Harry cried, kneeling down beside me.

"You okay, love?" he asked, resting his hand on my knee.

"I really hate you, Styles, you know that?" I grumbled. Harry just laughed. "I'm starting to figure that out!"

We managed to make it down to the restaurant without any more issues. The boys were already sitting with Paul at a table, but there seemed to be even more tension than the last time we were all together, if that was possible. Nobody was really talking. I slipped into the free seat between Louis and Zayn.

"Morning, babe," Louis remarked, before shoveling a forkful of waffles into his mouth. He has such bad manners, I remarked internally, wrinkling my nose. Evie, come on, you didn't care when harry was shoving his face with pop tarts five minutes ago! I brushed that aside.

"Big day today, lads," Paul remarked, before drowning his pancakes in another two layers of syrup. "You guys excited?" I asked, turning to Liam, Niall, and Zayn.

"No," they all muttered. The mood dropped another few degrees.

"Don't mind them. They're still all pissed about the Cara thing," Louis told me, taking my hand to reassure me that they're cold attitudes weren't about me.

Thank god Louis made it through breakfast without questioning me about how things went in my room last night. Maybe he just forgot, I thought happily.

Not quite, though, because when I was walking back up to my room to get changed, Louis stopped me. harry and Liam were already inside and Louis and I were alone in the hallway, just us.

"Cara, tell me the truth. Did anything happen with Harry last night?" I know most girls would have been pissed if their boyfriend accuses them of cheating, but I was so tired and getting so used to it that I just didn't care.

"No! It's not like that..." I said quietly.

"Hah. Sure. I don't trust him, though. He's a complete emotional wreck! If he tries anything, you tell me right away, and I'll have the rooms switched, kay babe?"

I nodded numbly and looked away.

The rest of the day we spent walking around Sydney, stepping in whenever things started to get rough between Niall, Liam, and Zayn. I'd never seen the boys like this before... they literally hated each other's guts! I had no idea how they were all going to do a concert together tonight!

Speaking of the concert, we arrived at the venue a few hours early, so the boys could rehearse. Once the fans started filing in, the boys and I chilled backstage. Niall was eating Nandos in a corner (thank god Paul managed to find a Nandos here :P), Liam was off arguing with Paul about something, Zayn was sitting in another corner doodling, and Harry was nowhere to be found.

"Time to go, lads!" Paul called, handing out the boys microphones and ear plugs. Harry's kept getting tangled in his hair and I couldn't help but laugh. He gave me the evil eye and flipped me off when nobody was looking, which only made me laugh harder.

Miraculously, the concert was ok! The boys put their differences aside and actually sang really well. I mean, I shouldn't really be surprised, they are all so talented.

"Great show!" Paul exclaimed as the boys piled off the stage. Everyone was super hyper and goofy and full of energy. This is how the boys should always be, not fighting over girls, I thought to myself.

It took about a half an hour to gather our things and then we piled into the big black Cadillac Escalade that would take us back to the hotel.

The fans were crazy. They flocked around the car. There were four hundred of them easily, and most of them were shouting things and yelling about how much they loved the band.A lot of them were holding signs. I found a funny one I wanted to send a picture of to Cara: "Zayn Malik Me Up and Down". I chuckled. Some of the signs were about me and Louis, but thankfully they were cute, and didn't say anything rude or mean.

That's when we all saw it- a group of three girls off to the side. They were holding "kick out Styles" posters. The one in the center of the group had messy black hair and badly done eyeliner. As soon as she saw the car, she ran up to us, shoving past the other fans, and started pounding on the windows.

"Nobosy even knows why Harry is in the band! He can barely sing and when he does its just painful to listen to! He doesn't deserve any of this fame or attention! He's such a piece of shit!"

The car went silent. We watched in horror as the other fans turned on her and started beating her up. I closed my eyes and cringed. I swear the temperature must have dropped twenty degrees in that car.

"Drive you ddiot!" Paul yelled at the driver, who stepped on the gas. We sped away, but I didn't open my eyes until we were safely back at the hotel.

Harry was the first out of the car and he ran through the lobby.

"Oh fuck," I swore under my breath. "Louis, I have to go talk to him!" I exclaimed, getting out of the car and running after him. I had to get in the eleveator with a bunch of French tourists, who sounded suspicioulsy like Madame Marshall, but it was better than nothing.

When we finally stopped at the right floor, I jogged to my room and banged on the door. There was no response. Why does Harry have to be so dramatic? I grouched.

"Harry open this fucking door!" I said, kicking it three times to show him just how serious it was.

"Go away," I heard, muffled by the door.

Oh wait. I had my own key, since this was my room too. Well, duh. I reached for the key and shoved it into the slot with shaking hands. It clicked open and I let out a sigh of relief. I shut the door behind me and walked over to the bed where Harry and I slept last night, the bed he was sprawled out across now.

He was lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hey," I said, lying down beside him.

"Hey," he said slowly not looking over at me, barely acknowledging my presence. For a while neither of us said anything, but it wasn't awkward. For the first time, I was realizing that Harry Styles was a normal person just like anyone else. He was shy and vulnerable and he really, really care about people thought about him. He was just better at hiding it than most.

Without thinking, I took his hand. Surprisingly, he didn't try to fight me off like I thought he would.

"I'm so insecure about myself. People really don't know how bad it is," Harry said softly. I flipped onto my side, still holding his hand.

"Sorry if that makes me sound like a sissy," he said, giving me a tiny smile. I chuckled.

"You're not a sissy, Styles. At least, not all the time," I joked. "Hey!" he said sitting up and pinching my thigh. I giggled. "Oh grow up, you're such a child," I muttered but I was smiling all the same.

"So? What's wrong with that?" he asked, suddenly serious. I just shook my head. He really _is_ bipolar.

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked. My hand was still in his, and now he was tracing the imprint of my fingers. His touch felt heavenly. Not that I would ever admit that.

"I wish I was what you wanted," I said, the words slipping out before I could realize what I was saying. Harry's whole body went rigid.

"You don't, though. I'm such a mess, love." _Bullshit_.

"You're no more messed up then anyone else! What makes you so damn special, Styles?"

"It's not like you could ever understand, anyways!"_ Ok that was it_!

"Harry?" I stood up shaking with rage. "Have you ever laid on your bed at night and just cried? Cried because you're not good enough? because you're ugly? Have you ever counted all your flaws from head to toe just to punish and feel worse about yourself? Cried because the comments people blurt out actually hurt your feelings? Cried because your family is dysfunctional, you're parents don't want you around, but you're just a kid who can't do shit about it? People to tell you to stop complaining, that you have it so much better than the kids in Africa. You don't want to be a burden so you bottle it all up. Styles, I know what it's like to hate yourself," I said darkly.

Harry just sat on the bed looking at me, stunned.

"Come here," he said slowly. My stomach started doing flips.

I gave him a confused look but he just reached out his hand. I took it and let him pull me to him.

He hugged me. Hard.

"Thanks," he murmured. His face was pressed into my collar bone and his breath was warm on my skin.

"Excuse me? Harry Styles doesn't say thank you. _Ever_," I teased, hugging him back. He felt solid, and he smelled the same as his sweater.

"Harry Styles is pretty confused," Harry muttered, letting me go and scraping his foot on the floor.

I checked my watch and it was almost midnight. _How did that happen?_ I wondered. Liam knocked on the door and Harry got up to open it. They started talking about some of the more humorous moments from the concert and I ducked into the bathroom to change.

I put on the same nightie as before. When I got into bed, Harry handed me his sweater without comment. I put it on and a huge sense of relief washed over my exhausted body.

"Can we fix the heating tonight you guys?" Liam asked from the other bed. "Last night, I literally froze my ass off and then halfway through the night it felt like a sauna!"

"Weird..." Harry replied, turning to wiggle his eyes at me. I snickered. Harry fixed the heating, turned off the light, and slipped into bed. My heart started beating a million miles a second, and I flipped onto my side away from him so he wouldn't hear it, or see the flush creeping up my cheeks. _Whatever you do, Evie, you have to stop thinking about Harry like this, he doesn't have any feelings for you! None! He's the biggest player on the planet! Besides, we all kind of assumed he was into Cara... Though he didn't even get into that whole fistfight with the others over her... so maybe not? Just forget him. _

After a few minutes, I heard Liam's light snores. I sucked in a breath of air for courage and flipped to face Harry. His eyes opened slowly. Both of us were under the same set of sheets, which formed a little tent above our heads. I felt like a kid in a pillow fort again; I felt like I was five years old.

"Can't sleep, love?"

I shook my head. _Not with you in the same bed_, I was tempted to add. "Me neither," Harry said with a sigh, biting his lip.

"Still thinking about that dumb girl from the concert?" I whispered. Harry didn't answer and I knew I'd hit the nail on the head.

I didn't have anything to tell him. What I really wanted to tell him was that I still meant what I'd said in that text message: that I (probably) had feelings for him.

Instead, I just took his hand, the way little kids do.

He stared down at our hands uncomprehendingly. "What happened to five feet?" he said softly.

"I can let go," I said, staring up at him.

"No, I think I can restrain myself if you can," Harry said, putting on a very formal face. I laughed, trying desperately not to wake Liam up.

"I doubt it," I said. Louis voice ran through my mind and I let go of his hand and scooted to the farthest reaches of the bed.

_But Harry's right there... _

I cracked not even a minute later.

"Okay, screw five feet!" I said after only a few minutes. Harry bust out laughing as I flipped onto my side and wiggled my way into his arms. He wrapped them around me obligingly. They fit around me the way my parents never seemed to. For once, I felt secure and content.

Just as I was about to fall asleep, I felt his fingers run down my side, leaving a trail of gooseflesh. I swatted his hand away instantly. There he goes ruining it again. Whatever_ it_ is.

"Don't get any ideas, Styles," I said through my teeth. Harry's body shook with silent laughter. I snuggled back against his chest and my eyes slipped close.

Just as I was slipping out of conciousness, I felt a flutter of a kiss on my neck.

The Next Day:

I woke up early, showered, and left the room before Harry and Liam had even started stirring. I went down to the lobby and got myself a coffee from the cafe. I sat at a table alone and stared at my hands.

What was I doing? I'd spent the last night in the arms of my boyfriend's bandmate... But was he even my boyfriend anymore? I didn't feel anything for him, and I hadn't for the past few weeks, if I was being honest with myself. I'd complained about how busy he'd been with his band, but I'd done nothing to make time to see him. When he'd given me a plane ticket to come with him on his tour, the first I'd thought about was spending time with Harry! I sighed and picked up my phone. I sent a text to Louis, asking him to meet me at the cafe. A few minutes later, Louis was sitting across from me.

"Hey can I have some?" he asked, picking up my coffee, and slurping it down, not even pausing to hear my response.

"You look like you slept well," Louis said, his eyes narrowing. All cheeriness in his voice seemed to have disaapeared. I cringed.

"Yes, I slept all right," I hedged. God does he know something about Harry and I? Did he maybe see the text message I tried to send to Cara?

"So what's up?" Louis asked, turning his eyes on me. Before I could think of how to phrase my thoughts, Louis butted in. "Look, I'm sorry I accused of having anything to do with Harry. I know you'd never want anything to do with him. It's no secret you've always hated him," he continued.

_Was it always that obvious? Hmm, I guess so. Hah, it's not as if I'd ever kept it a secret. _

"Anyways, I'm sorry I ever doubted you," Louis finished. My heart sunk. How was I supposed to break up with him after that? Simple answer: I couldn't.

"Louis, I have to go, I promised Cara I'd call her," I said, getting up abruptly and running to the lobby. Despite my sudden exit, Louis didn't follow me.

I collapsed onto an empty couch and dug my phone out of my pocket. I dialed Cara's number and waited. On the sixth ring she picked up.

"OH-EM-EFF-GEE CARA I AM FLIPPING THE FUCK OUT!"

"Evie it's three in the morning here! Can this wait? I was asleep..." Cara groaned on the other end of the phone. I rolled my eyes.

"Sorry. But Cara, I've dug myself into the worst hole possible."

"And what's that?"

"I think... that Louis and I should break up..." I said quietly, wiping a tear out of my eye. Why did the thought of letting Louis go hurt so much if I didn't even have feelings for him anymore?

"What?! No, Evie, you can't! You were so into him just a few days ago!"

"But things have changed so much! I just... everything he does annoys me and he wears stripes all the time, and makes jokes about carrots, and he's sweet, and I'm sure he'd be the perfect guy for somebody else... but not for me!"

"Evie, he's a great guy. You've got to fix this! Maybe you should just... you know..."

"What?" I asked idly, cradling the phone between my shoulder and ear as I picked at an undone thread on the couch.

"You know...spice things up?"

"NO! I don't know! Just spit it out already!" I groaned.

"Maybe you guys should have sex!" Cara cried. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that. You completely don't have to, it was just an idea, I wasn't thinking!" Cara apologized.

Huh. "Cara that's actually not a bad idea! You;re right, I do need to at least try something physical with him. I mean, we've been to busy to do like anything. Maybe that's whats missing!" I jumped up in excitement and an old Asian man turned to give me a "wth? look, so I quickly sat back down.

"No but Evie, this could go terribly wrong. I mean, its your virginity. Do you really think this a good idea?"

I felt my stomach flutter at that word: virginity. Was I really ready to give it up? To Louis? Who I wasn't even sure I liked, let alone loved? I clenched my fingers into a fist. I had to be ready, because I wasn't letting this ship go down without a fight. Harry or no Harry, Louis and I were... doing it. Oh god, that's so embarrassing to even think about. I said goodbye to Cara before I could change my mind.

The boys had a bunch of interviews today and another concert today, so I spent all my time in the hotel getting ready. I took a two hour marathon bath, washed my hair, shaved, and painted my nails. I blow dried my hair slowly, trying to ignore the violent churning of my stomach. I was too nervous for words.

I put on only a tiny amount of makeup, and a single spritz of Chanel #5, a gift Louis got me a few weeks ago. The scent made me want to gag, but I knew it was his favorite, so I put it on anyways. More proof of how he barely knows me, I guess.

It was almost midnight, so I put on my nightie and crawled into bed. I knew the boys were going to be back late, so I wasn't worried. I was too hyped up and jittery too sleep so I grabbed my phone from the nightstand where it had been charging. I had two new messages. The first was from my mother:

_**Hope you're having fun! Not that you deserve it, for being such a god-awful daughter. **_

It grated on my nerves, like awful, but I pushed it out of my head. I needed to be completely focused on what I was about to do. The second message was from Louis:

_**Just got back! The rest of the lads are going out clubbing. Come back to my room and we can watch a movie?**_

I texted back that I would be there in five. I gave myself one last look in the full-length mirror... I looked good, despite how scantily-clad I was dressed.

I grabbed my room key and slipped out the door. Thank god there was no one else walking around on this floor or I would just die of embarrassment. I padded softly to Louis room and knocked. In the space between him opening the door and me knocking I was a wreck.

_Evie what the fuck are you doing! Don't do this to yourself! What are you thinking? Just go back to your room, pretend none of this ever happened!_

And then Louis opened the door.

**A/N: Hi guys, what do you think so far? I would really love any messages and reviews :) You guys are awesome and I write this story only because I have gotten feedback to continue ... so keep doing that! Haha, sorry I am very tired as I write this because of FINALS (grr) and applications. Anyways, if you have even read this far, you are amazing, and there is lots of drama to come! **


	13. Chapter 13: Break-Ups and Revelations

**This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFiction (Chapter #13)**

**Evie's POV:**

Louis stared at me slack-jawed. I watched as his eyes trailed up my body, taking in my bare legs and barely-covered cleavage. "H-hi babe," he choked out, pulling the door open wider and allowing me to enter.

"Hi," I said, smiling despite myself. My stomach was still tied in a million knots and one look at the bed made my knees go weak.

"Do, um, do you want to watch a movie?" Louis stuttered. He was blushing so much it was kind of adorable, and he was looking down at his shoes as if this was middle school.

_Take control, Evie._

I shook my head. "There's something else I want to do," I said slowly, taking his hand and leading him over to the bed. _Is this how you're supposed to do it? Am I messing this all up? HELP!_

"You want to sit on the bed?" Louis asked, furrowing his brow and sitting down. I rolled my eyes. "Um, no, I want to do something else," I said slowly, giving him a pointed look.

"Oh," Louis said, blushing even harder, if that was even possible. He looked down at his hands. "Do you not want to?" I asked, my voice displaying all of my fears and insecurities.

Louis finally met my eyes. "Do you really think thats such a good idea? I mean, things haven't been, exactly, good lately..." He looked down again.

"Louis, I want to fix things. You! Me! Us! This!" I grabbed his hand forcefully. "Don;t you want that too?" I asked, kneeling down. I used my hand to move his face close to mine. Louis nodded quickly.

"Well okay then," I said. Here goes nothing. I lifted up the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his fell to the ground. Louis kicked off his shoes and unbuckled his belt. I got into the bed and he followed me. He kissed me and I kissed back, but his mouth tasted bland, and his tongue felt wrong in my mouth.

Quickly, Louis helped me wriggle out of the nightie. I'd imagined this moment in my head ever since I'd started dating Louis, and now... I didn't care about anything that was happening. It felt as if I was some kind of ghost, floating near the ceiling, watching Louis unclasp my bra and yank my panties down my legs. None of it felt as if it was actually happening to me. Louis kissed down my stomach and let out a low moan. I mimiced him.

After it was over, I lay on my back. Neither of us said anything. There was nothing left to say, honestly. I felt so numb, and unconnected with the outside world. I waited for Louis to asleep and then I redressed.

As soon as I got outside Louis' room, I burst into tears. My body crumpled and I slid against the wall and landed on my but. I hugged my knees to my chest and rocked back and forth.

What had I done? I'd had sex with Louis and it had fixed nothing... I just didn't feel anything sexually or even romantically for him. There was no spark, no flame, no magic and I was deluding myself to think that there ever was. And the icing on the cake was that I'd given him my v-card.

_Oh well, you knew it was bound to happen sometime, I mean, you're not stupid_, half of my head argued.

_Yes, but I never wanted it to happen like that, without any kind of emotional connection_, the other half argued back. I pounded my first against the floor in frustration. Angry tears leaked from my eyes.

"What's going on?" I wiped away my tears and looked up at Harry and Niall.

"Nothing," I murmured, looking away.

"Oh come on, Evie, I've known you for years. This isn't nothing," Harry growled, crouching down. "What happened?" he said more softly.

"Nothing, really, its fine," I said, pasting on a smile and wiping away the last of my tears. Harry would only make fun of me if he heard about my reaction to losing my virginity. Heck, he would turn it into some funny story and having everyone laugh at me. It's what he'd always done before. To him, every aspect of my life was just one big joke.

"I don't want to hear that bullsh-"

"She said she's fine, Harry!" Niall cried, offering me his hand and helping me to my feet.

"What are you guys doing back here anyways? I thought you went clubbing?" I asked. My voice was still shaky and weak.

"I just came back to get my phone," Niall said, holding it up.

"We're going back out clubbing, do you want me to open the room for you?" Niall asked, indicating the door to Louis' room. I shook my head quickly. "No, please don't make me go back in there!"

Harry and Niall both gave me "wtf?" looks.

"I mean... how about I just come clubbing with you guys?" Both of the boys gave me disbelieving looks.

"Are you serious?" Niall asked. I nodded. I'd never been more serious about anything in my life. I'd messed up pretty much every single aspect of my life. I'd failed my parents, my boyfriend, and myself. What else was there to do but let loose and get drunk? It's not like this night could really get any worse...

"But you're not even dressed!" Harry exclaimed, staring at my rumpled nightie. There were a couple of uhm... stains... to put it nicely that I quickly covered with my arm. _Thanks Louis_.

"Styles, give me your jacket," I commanded. For once, the boy listened to me and handed it over without a fight. I put it on and buttoned it up.

"Do I look like an asshole now?" I joked. Niall laughed and Harry just shook his head. "Okay, we're getting her dunk ASAP!" Niall called out, charging down the hall to the elevator. He started dancing a little irish jig and I couldn't help but smile. On the way down to the lobby, I fixed what I could of my makeup in the mirror. While Niall called Liam and Zayn, Harry moved his arm to my waist. Little shocks of electricity worked their way up my body.

"You're going to tell me what happened later, Evie," he whispered. His breath was warm but I wriggled out of his touch and shook my head.

Zayn and Liam were already in the lobby. "Evie's coming?" Liam asked.

"Is that a problem?" Harry cut in smoothly. "Because it shouldn't be."

Liam shook his head. "Back off mate," he said, laughing. "That's great! Evie, tonight you're just one of the guys, okay?" I laughed. "Sound's perfect."

We all crowded into the car Paul had arranged to take us around Sydney.

**Harry's POV:**

Everyone was talking over one another and passing around cans of red bull and beer, so I was left alone with my thoughts for once. Evie was sitting beside Zayn, telling him some joke, and they were laughing together. If Zayn hadn't been so crazy in love with Cara I would have been worried. _Worried? Harry, why would you be worried about them flirting?_

I sighed. For so long, Evie had just been the pain-in-the-ass girlfriend of my best friend. I mean, there'd been spring formal but...

Ok the truth about that was that I'd been so head over heels for Evie all throughout middle school. I'd dreamed about asking her out every night, but I was alays much too scared and shy to admit it to her, and instead I made her life living hell, because I was a little middle school boy who couldn't handle his emotions. I mean, I asked her as a dare, and was blown away when she said yes. For a few weeks, I was the happiest guy on the planet. But I'd ditched her because I'd been too scared. I mean, what if I knocked on her door and she decided she didn't want to go with me? Or we had a horrible time together?

After that, I convinced myself that she was the most annoying girl at our school. I'd made up horrible stories about her for years. I'd never had a single good thing to say about her, and complained when I even had to walk in the same hallway as her. Just seeing her face and being reminded of what I couldn't have every single day had killed me.

It had only gotten more awkward when she started to obsess over Zayn. I'd hated the thought of them dating, and I'd hated her relationship with Louis even more. I'd told myself over and over it was cause I thought they could do better... but had I been jealous? No, Harry Styles doesn't get jealous.

_Just keep it together Harry_, I commanded myself. _And whatever you do, don't go getting drunk and admitting all of this to Evie._

**Evie's POV:**

We found the first club that looked good and all got out. The lady at the door recognized the boys right away, and we were let in without even having to wait in line.

The club was jam-packed, and the dance floor was crowded. A thumping dubstep song was playing at top-volume, and strobe lights were flashing everywhere. The mood energized me immediately. I turned to Harry.

"I need alcohol, like NOW!" I exclaimed. He nodded and the group of us headed over to a table in the back. Zayn ordered a rund of shots and they arrived within seconds. Being famous sure seems to have its perks, I thought to myself with a chuckle.

I stared at the shot doubtfully. I was never much of a drinker, even though I could easily have been, since my parents never locked our liqour cabinet and left me home alone so much. I guess I'd never had much of a taste for it. But now... I needed so badly to forget the wreck that was my life that I grabbed the shot and chugged it. Everyone cheered and followed suite.

By the seventh round, my head was pounding, and things were starting to go a little fuzzy. Niall, Zayn, and Liam were dancing on the dance floor, which left me and Harry alone at the table. I reached for another shot, but Harry caught my hand.

"I think you might've had enough." His voice was deep and husky. I shook my head definatly. "I've only had..." I stared down at my hands and tried to count out how many shots I'd downed, but failed miserably.

Harry laughed. "Yep, definietly no more for you, Evs," Harry said, taking my shot glass and chugging it.

"You're so mean Harry! I hate you so so much, you don't even know," I slurred, pouting at him.

Harry laughed. "I know," he muttered under his breath. _What? Did I imagine that?_ My head was really starting to spin...

"We should go dance!" I exclaimed, standing up. The floor seemed to move beneath me and I would have fallen if Harry's strong arms hadn't caught me. Gently, he set me on my feet again.

"I think I should take you home..." he stated. I shook my head as fast as I could (which made me feel a little nausceous). "Noooo, Harry, don't do thatttt," I begged. "Come. Dance. Now." I commanded, before stumbling over to the dance floor.

**Harry's POV:**

I stared after Evie miserably. Why did I think bringing her to a club would be a good idea? Now she was trashed, and I was just babysitting her before she ran back to Louis!

Speaking of Louis... maybe now that she was drunk I could finally get her to admit why she was crying outside of his hotel room. I followed her out onto the dance floor. Lights were flashing everywhere and a dirty rap song was pounding loudly in the background. Evie's eyes were closed and a guy in his late twenties was already grinding against her. _Oh hell no_.

"Back off, buddy," I said, in what I hoped was a menacing voice. I was a little tipsy myself, so I was glad the guy did as he was told and backed off, because the last thing I needed was any kind of trouble. Imagine the headlines: Styles Fights For Bandmates GF. Yeah, not good.

Luckily, the guy left. Evie opened her eyes and stumbled into my arms. I pulled her small frame to my body willingly. There was something so wonderfully familiar about the girl. Something genuine and real. And I couldn't deny the way my heart raced when I touched her. It was unreal.

"Don't you just love this song? And the lights are so... beautiful..." she babbled, staring up at the ceiling. Holding her in my arms made me want to let lose and enjoy the evening. I motioned to a waiter to bring me a beer and he did. Evie swayed to the pulsing music, an innocent smile plastered to her face. We danced together. I placed my hand on the small of her back because I loved having any excuse to touch her.

A few songs later, and I was on my fourth beer. I swigged the remains of it and smiled down at Evie as she linked her hand in mine and led me off the dance floor. We flopped down on a couch off to the side of the dance floor. It was quiet enough here to talk. Evie's eyes were less glassy and I didn't think she was nearly as drunk as I was anymore.

**Evie's POV:**

After dancing, I felt alive and free- barely drunk at all, may I add. Which was why I didn't have an excuse for taking Harry's hand and leading him over here. I just wanted an excuse to touch him. How sad. He doesn't even like me. Never has and never will. And yet, for some reason, I'd do anything just to feel the warmth of his palm in mine. Why does my life have to be so depressing?

I let out a sigh and Harry looked over at me.

"Can I.. Evie... you need to know something," Harry said. His voice was too loud and he seemed to be struggling to even form words. Yep, he's hammered. I cringed, realizing that just a half an hour ago, I'd been in roughly the same state.

"What is it?" I asked. A surge of alcohol-induced craziness rushed through me, and I reached over and moved one of his curls off of his forehead.

Harry gave me a goofy smile.

"I-I need you to know..." I was super confused. Harry didn't have secrets. I could name every girl he'd ever been interested in, every person he hated, just because he was always so open about everything. I didn't need to be his friend to know most of what he thought or felt.

"Just spit it out, Styles," I said, rubbing his hand and laughing.

"Remember that dance?" _Winter formal_. My stomach sank. How could I forget? The time Harry made me the laughing stock of the entire school.

I nodded mutely.

"I wanted so badly to take you," Harry mumbled, swirling the remains of his beer in the can. Every particle in my body froze. _He what?!_

"No you didn't," I muttered, punching him playfully in the shoulder.

"No, but I diiiid!" Harry exclaimed, sounding as if he was a petulant toddler hyped up on sugar. I sighed in frustration.

"Then why didn't you?" I accused.

"I got to your house, but... I didn't have the guts to knock on your door. You were the only thing I thought about for so long, I didn't want to ruin it. I was shocked you'd even said yes in the first place... I was so horrible to you. Making fun of you was the only way I could cope with how much I liked you. I thought if I knocked on your door, you would just slam it in my face." Harry said quietly, in a normal voice.

"Harry...?" I stared at him uncomprehendingly. All the time I liked him during middle school he actually liked me back? What no that's ridiculous...

"Look at Niall!" Harry yelled, pointing at Niall, who was juggling beer cans in the center of the dance floor. I turned to stare at Harry... did he even realize he'd just admitted having feelings for me? Apparently not.

Harry was already standing up. He pulled me up with him and together we met up with Zayn and Liam. Zayn was pulling Niall away from the crowd that had started cheering him on, and together we left the club and got back in the car. Everybody was super drunk and energectic on the ride back.

We got back to the hotel, stumbled into the elevator, and then to our rooms. I took off Harry's jacket and slipped into bed. My head was spinning an insane amount, btoh from the alcohol and the things Harry had told me.

The next morning I woke up around six. How many hours of sleep was that? Two? Three? Before I could figure that out, my stomach churned, and I ran to the bathroom.

I crouched on my knees by the toilet and began puking up the entire contents of my stomach. I heard someone stumble in behind me, but I was too busy too retching to look up and see who.

I felt a pair of hands hold my hair back and massage my shoulders. Once I was done, I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand, and turned around. Harry gave me a small smile and I blushed a deep shade of crimson.

"You okay?" He asked, stroking my cheek. I shook my head.

"That's a dumb question, Styles" I said. He laughed, and handed me a glass of water. I rinsed out my mouth and Harry leaned against the counter as I brushed my teeth.

"Probably just drank too much. I don't normall drink," I said, by way of explanation, before pushing past Harry into the bedroom. I was mortified. Harry Styles just watched me puke my guts out. If he had feelings for me at one time, I knew that he sure as didn't now! How pathetic and disgusting.

I grabbed my phone and shoved my feet into a pair of shoes before heading for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Harry hissed, wrapping his strong arms around me before I could even reach for the door.

"Why are you just running off?"

"Harry, you just saw me puke my guts out! Aren't you disgusted?"

Harry just smiled at me and shook his head. "Naw. You do gross things all the time, I'm used to it." I tried to punch him in the stomach but I tripped over my own feet and for the second time in twenty four hours, Harry saved me from falling flat on my face. _Oh my god, who even trips on their own two feet_?

"The icing on the cake is that you got to see me super drunk last night. Bet that was hot!" I chuckled darkly.

**Harry's POV:**

_You have no idea..._

**Evie's POV:**

"Hey, you got to see me drunk too!"

"Yeah... about that..." I muttered, looking away from Harry's intent gaze.

"Last night you said something about..."

"About?" Harry's eyes were huge and I gulped. I cannot believe I was going to say this. It was going to sound ricidulous. I mean, even if it was by some miracle true, Harry would never in a million years admit that he'd said those things.

"You said you wanted to ask me to the winter formal. That you went to my house, but were too scared of me slamming the door in your face, so you just gave up."

Harry's shoulders slumped and he let out a huge sigh. "So now you know..."

"Know what?"

"That I liked you all that time... that I still like you." My jaw dropped. He. Did. Not. Just. Say. That.

No. No. ASDFGHJKL. WHAT? YAY? OH MY GOD. I wanted to say all of that but I didn't want to freak him out so I just kept my mouth shut. Especially because I still wasn't convinced.

"I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY, STYLES! BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I ACTUALLY USED TO BE HAPPY BEFORE WE STARTED TALKING!" I slapped him across his face. Hard. Without turning around, I fled the room shaking. Oh god, what did I just do?

**Harry's POV:**

Once Evie left, I just got back into bed and stared up at the ceiling. I thought about reaching for my ipod, but I wasn't even sure if music could help me now. Harry, how did this happen? I asked myself miserably.

There was a knock on the door. Maybe it was _her_. Liam was still asleep (God, I swear, all that kid ever does is sleep) so I got up and opened it and was instantly disappointed because it wasn't Evie.

"I've been calling for an hour, Styles!" Paul bellowed. "You need to check your damn phone!"

"Oh, crap, sorry!"

"Well just get ready, you have interviews at eight! Go get dressed and wake up Liam while you're at it!" I nodded, closed the door and shook Liam awake. I pulled on a set of clean clothes and then Liam and I ran down to the elevator.

Louis, Niall, and Zayn were already inside waiting for us. We crowded in and headed down to the lobby. Zayn, Niall, Liam, and I were all passing around a water bottle and a packet of Advil because we were still super hungover from last night.

"Has anybody seen Evie?" Louis asked absentmindedly. I shot a look to the other boys but nobody said anything about last night.

"Dunno, mate," I whispered.

We got into the lobby and Paul shephered us into the car for the interviews.

**Evie's POV, Later On:**

"Would you like anything else?" The waiter asked kindly, but I quickly shook my head. All I had ordered was a salad and a diet coke, because I was too confused about last night and my stomach was still raw from all the puking.

The waiter left and my phone buzzed. Louis kept bugging me about where I was. I promised to meet him in a few minutes before he went to his next interview.

Basically, after I fled the hotel room, I walked around Sydney and finally came to this cute looking cafe. I started to eat, and thought about what I was going to say to Louis. There was basically nothing I could even say except that I didn't have feelings for him and that we needed to break up. I mean, there was no nice or easy way to say that, but its what I needed to tell him.

My phone buzzed again and I looked down. One new message:

You are such a shit daughter. You haven't replied to one fucking message. And you wonder why people? Go kill yourself. -"Love" Mom

A wave of tears spilled over. Why was I so damn emotional? I stuck my phone in my bag, paid for my meal, and left the small cafe.

I walked to where Louis was having his interview. It was at a magazine studio which was only few blocks from where I was now. I walked in and saw Paul. He waved me over and I sat down beside him to wait for the boys to finish. When they came out, Louis was smiling and chatting away with the interviewer, who was a very attractive girl only a few years older than us. See, Evie, even if you break up with him, he'll find someone else. The thought didn't phase me like it would have just a few weeks ago. I was well and truly over him.

"Louis, can we take a walk?" I asked. He gave me an uncertain smile but broke away from the other boys. "Of course, babe."

When we got outside, there were dark clouds in the corners of the sky and the wind was already starting to act crazy. God, I thought Australia would be sunny all the time, but ever since we got here, its been nothing but cold and rainy!

"Last night was..." Louis paused.

"I know it was awful!" I exploded, trying not to cry.

"Awful? Are you kidding! It was the best night of my life!"

"What? No! How can you even say that? I hated it!"

Louis gave me an incredulous stare. At this point, both of us had stopped walking and just stood facing each other.

"Lou, I need to be completely honest. Lately, things haven't been the same. There's no "spark"... can't you feel that? I only wanted to have sex because I thought that that would fix things!"

"And it did!" Louis argued, grabbing my shoulders. I shook my head sadly. "Not for me, Lou."

"Are you saying you think we should break up?" Louis sounded murderous, and I was too much of a coward to look into his eyes, so I kept my head down.

"Well- I don't really see how we can stay together!"

Louis crossed his arms, looked away, and didn't say anything. "Say something please!" I begged.

"I don't know what there is left to say, you're not in loe with me anymore," he muttered. It was so windy I almost didn't hear him, but when I did, every single ounce of happiness left my body.

"I'm so, so sorry Lou," I murmured.

Do you know that feeling, where you just know its not the same anymore? That's how I felt. I started walking away from Louis, not even knowing where I was going. As soon as he was out of sight, I started running in earnest. I couldn't help it. It didn't matter that it was me breaking up with him- that didn't change the fact that Louis was an amazing person, and I felt so alone not being his.

After a few hours of walking, I realized I had no clue where I was. I sat down on a bench overlooking a river. The river was churning below me, and between the noise of the water and the whoosing of the wind I almost didn't hear the buzzing of my phone. I picked it up halfheartedly.

_**You really should go kill yourself and save everyone a lot of trouble! - "Love" Mom**_

I held the phone in my hands. I'd heard this every day since middle school, and I should be used to it. But maybe she was right. I mean what had I accomplished in my life? Nothing. I was doing poorly at school, I had only one friend, maybe two if I counted Harry, but even he treated me like shit more often than not. And then there was Louis, who I'd been nothing but a complete bitch anymore. How did I deserve to still be alive anymore? The simple answer was: I didn't.

I felt the first raindrops but ignored them. I stood up and walked to the edge of the bridge. I was shaking from the cold but I climbed up. It was freezing, and the wind whipped my hair and clothes everywhere. The rain was falling sheets and I was drenched already. I held my breath and thought back over every mistake I'd ever made, every awful thing I'd ever done. What happens when the pain of living outweighs the will to survive?

"Evie! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I stumbled and turned around, searching for what had distracted me from jumping into the water. All I saw were a few random people at the ends of the bridge, and a mess of cars stuck in the traffic crossing the bridge.

"Evie get down from there! RIGHT NOW!" Zayn got out of a car in the middle of traffic and I stared wordlessly as he ran up to me.

"Get down! Come on, here, take my hand!" He offered me his hand and I stared at it. Finally, I took it.

Zayn wrapped his jacket around me and led me back through the traffic to the car. Cars and taxis everywhere honked at us, and as soon as we got in, Zayn commanded the driver to turn the heat up. I was so cold, my teeth were chattering and I was shaking an insane amount. My hands were blue and my breath came out in cloudy puffs of air.

"Evie you are going to tell me right now why you were trying to kill yourself!" Zayn screamed. I shuddered. "I-I d-don-t k-know," I chattered. Zayn rubbed my arms and after a few minutes I felt a bit warmer.

"Look, Evie, we all really care about you. Especially Louis. I mean, you're everything to him!" Zayn lectured. "Zayn, Lou and I broke up!" I yelled, holding my head in my hands.

"Oh. Shit."

"Yeah basically!"

"Well you guys could always get back together!" I looked up at Zayn with desperation in my eyes. "I don't _want_ to get back together. I was the one who broke up with him!"

"I guess I just did what I did because I was so scared of being alone, of not having anyone to tell things to, to go on goofy dates with.," I added, playing with my fingers. I was still drenched from the storm, but at least I'd stopped shaking.

"I know the feeling," Zayn chuckled darkly_. Cara. Of course._

"She really likes you, you know," I whispered. Zayn laughed and shook his head. "You don't have to make things up to make me feel better, Evie."

"I'm not making that up! Everybody knows it!"

"Really?"

"Of course! You've got to chase her, though!" Zayn sat back and thought over what I'd just said. I huddled into the warmth of his jacket. We were still fifteen minutes away from the hotel when I realized something.

"Zayn how did you even know where I was?"

"Well, neither you or Louis came back from your little 'walk' so Paul split us up and sent us out to look for you. I spent a good hour stuck in this car in traffic. And then I saw this girl, soaking wet, standing on a bridge, about to jump off. I knew I had to do something no matter what. I didn't even know it was you until I recognized your clothes," he replied.

I nodded slowly. Made sense. "Can we just go home now?" I asked, laying my head on my arms.

"Sure thing, Evs," Zayn replied.

A few minutes later, we were standing outside the hotel. It was still raining, but Zayn and I were under an awning, so we weren't in too much danger of getting wet. Not that it really mattered, we were already drenched. I mean, I was literally leaving a puddle on the door mat.

Zayn was about to open the door but I grabbed his arm.

"Please don't tell any one else that I tried to kill myself, Zayn," I asked, my eyes silently begging him. I still couldn't believe I'd tried.

Zayn let out a giant sigh but a few seconds later he held out his pinky. "Okay, but you have to pinky promise me that you'll never try anything like that again? Okay?"

"Deal," I agreed, looping my pinky through his.

Together, we walked into the lobby. Paul was swearing into his cell phone, Liam and Harry were yelling at the people working at the front desk, Niall was on the phone (I could Cara's worried voice through the receiver), and Louis was nowhere in sight. As soon as they caught sight of us, everyone paused. Then they ran towards us and we were engulfed in a group hug. _Huh? Maybe I do have friends after all..._

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Liam exclaimed. "Louis would he heartbroken if something had happened to you..." Zayn shot Liam an annoyed look.

"Yeah about that..." I started. "He and I broke up."

"What? Really?" Harry butted in. I nodded slowly. "Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it, so I think I'm just going to go take a bath and relax, if thats okay," I said.

"Yeah of course! So you weren't with Louis then?"

"No she wasn't... and he's still not answering his phone!" Zayn cried with a tone of exasperation. I let them figure that one out, and took the elevator up to my hotel room. My phone was completely dead, so I shoved it into the charger and went to change out of my dripping clothes.

I put on sweatpants and a T-shirt, and left my hair down because it was too much of a damp mess to do anything with. I walked over to my phone to make sure it was charging and I saw the message from my mother. Her words echoed through my head, just like earlier on the bridge.

What was I doing in my life? Nothing. I was just making everything worse by living. There was not a single person on this planet who wanted me alive. My visison went blurry and I stumbled to my suitcase. I rummaged around until I found the tiny bottle of advil. I walked to the bathroom, sat on the edge of the bath tub, and poured out a handful. How many did I shove into my mouth? Ten? Twenty? Thirty?

Three handfuls later, I slumped to the floor, the tears spilling out. For once, I didn't care.

**Harry's POV:**

"Hey guys where did Evie go?" I asked, realizing she was no longer in the lobby with us.

"She went up to the room," Niall said, between a mouthful of chips. How could he eat at a time like this?! We'd lost one of our best friends and band mates... but was Louis really my best friend anymore? That was what I was debating when I got into the elevator and all the way up until I was knocking on Evie's door.

There was no response. Hmm. I couldn't even hear the sound of the shower. Suddenly, my heart started beating in my chest a million beats per second. I had to talk to her, make sure she was okay. _Now_.

"Evie, open up!" I pounded harder on the door and kicked it when I got no response. Why did I forget my key now of all moments? I grabbed my phone and punched in Liam's number.

"Liam, get up here. Evie's not answering the door and I think somethings really wrong!"

Liam sensed the desperation in my tone, and a minute later, he was at my side, ramming his key into the slot. I'd never been so relieved to see the green light appear and the door swing open.

"Evie? Are you okay? This isn't funny you know!" I yelled, stampeding into the room. It only took me a second to realize she wasn't here.

"Harry...Harry you better get in here, now!" Liam shouted. His voice was raw with fright and as soon as I stepped into the bathroom I saw why. Evie was slumped over on the floor, twitching slightly. I knelt beside her and took her in my arms. Her breathing was shaking, and her pulse was irregular. A thin layer of sweat covered her features.

_Fuck. No!_ In that instant I realized how worthless I was. I was nothing. Why hadn't I just asked her out the second she told us she and Louis broke up? Why did I always care so much about my pride?

"She overdosed on Advil!" Liam cried, holding up the bottle.

"Well don't just stand there! Go get Paul!" I screamed at him, and he stood up shakily and walked out.

"Evie? Please? Talk to me! Anything!" I cried. Tears of frustration and anger were starting to cloud my vision as I stared down at her. She moaned and I slammed my fist against the tile. Why don't you ever pay more attention to her? I chided myself. And now it might be too late.

**A/N: Hi guys, long time, no update. Sorry? I've just been super busy with Christmas, work, and watching British TV shows. :p Anyways, thank you guys so much for the feedback! If you want me to keep writing this story, or if you like the Evie/Zayn friendship, the Harry/Evie romance, please let me know in a review! Thanks :) Please keep reading!**


	14. Chapter 14: Love, and Other Drugs

**This Life I Live: A OneDirection Fan Fiction (Chapter #14)**

**Harry's POV:**

I'd only been in the waiting room of the hospital ten minutes before I decided that I hated it. For one thing, it smelled of chemicals and metal. For another, they didn't have any food, so of course Niall, who always eats when he is nervous or stressed, was freaking out. And of course, they wouldn't let me see Evie.

The second after we piled out of the ambulance, a group of paramedics had taken Evie straight to a private room. The only good part of this was at least the fans hadn't followed us.

Now, all four of us were seated in a small waiting room off of the Emergency Room. We were the only people there, and except for the sounds of doctors and nurses rushing by outside it was dead silent. Except for Niall who was slurping down a gatorade - I guess if there's no feed, he just turns to sports drinks.

"I just called her parents... no answer," Paul muttered, as he slid onto the couch beside me. The worry in his face was evident and in the space of half an hour, he looked like he'd aged a decade. Paul's often gruff with us, but under all of that he's a huge softie. Say whatever you want about him, but at the end of the day he cares about us.

"Yeah, about that..." Liam dug a small black object out of his pocket. He set it down on the plastic coffee table.

"You brought Evie's cell phone?" Niall asked, choking on his gatorade. "Yeah, I picked it up off the floor before we left the hotel," Liam said, shrugging.

"You really _are_ the smart one," Zayn said under his breath.

"I already, uh, looked through it, and there's some stuff that I think we should all take a look at... from her parents." In a second, I had my hand around the phone and was scrolling through the latest messages. It didn't take long to find.

_"You really should go kill yourself and save everyone a lot of trouble! - "Love" Mom," _I read aloud, my voice cracking. What little chatter there had been shut off and everybody stared at their hands. I felt a flame of rage more intense than anything I'd ever felt before in my life.

"Paul we have to do something! THIS IS JUST SOME CRUEL, SICK... TWISTED JOKE! THIS IS INSANE! We have to talk to the authorities, Child Protective Services..." I stood up in a jolt and began to pace madly.

"I mean, this is horrible! It can't go on! They've probably treated her like his for years!" I cried, grabbing the gatorade bottle out of Niall's hand and throwing it at the wall.

"Calm down, mate," Zayn said, wrestling me back to the couch. I sat down with a sigh.

"Look, we need to talk to Evie before we take any kind of action. I mean, this could all be some kind of misunderstanding," Paul argued.

"Paul you can't be serious!" Liam butted in. "We all saw that text, her parents basically provoked her to try and take her own life!"

"Excuse me," a kind-looking nurse said, stepping into the waiting area. "Miss Evie can see visitors now." All of us stood up in unison, which would have been funny in any other circumstances.

"Follow me please," she instructed, and we obeyed. A few sharp turns down the corridor later, we stood huddled outside Evie's room.

"Now, Miss Evie has just had her stomach pumped, so she's not in the greatest shape. Please don't overwhelm her, she's in a very nervous state. Now, if you would excuse me, I've got to oversee a blood transfusion." With that, she jogged off, leaving us alone outside the door of a suicidal teenage girl.

Zayn nudged my shoulder. "Go in, mate," Niall added.

"Why me?" I asked, a bundle of nerves. What could I possibly say to Evie? Were there even words to convey how badly I felt?

Liam rolled his eyes. "You know I'm not as blind as I seem. I saw the way you've been looking at her," he added.

I turned to look at Paul. "Go on then," he said, shoving me through the door.

Inside, there was only a chair, a bedside table, and a bed with the sleeping form of Evie. Pale moon light spilled out of the small window and across her back. She was lying on her side, facing away from me.

"Evie?" My voice was hoarse and low, and she didn't react immediately, so I assumed she hadn't heard. Just as I was about to repeat myself, she turned to face me very slowly. She grabbed her stomach and gasped and I ran over to try and help her, taking her arm and guiding her into a comfortable sitting postion.

"Styles.." she grunted through her teeth. "Get your hands off of me." Her tone was one I had never used before. It meant don't mess with me, or I will cut you. Even here, in a hospital bed, grimacing in pain, I didn't doubt that she was more than capable of it.

I didn't know what to do with myself so I just sat down in the chair.

"You're going to stay then?" Evie said with a sigh (followed by a whimper of pain). I wanted so badly to stroke her hair, take her hand, do anything in my power to ease her suffering, but I figured she'd just push me away again, so I stopped myself. I don't know why I was sitting down, actually, because Evie was making it pretty obvious she didn't want me to. But after all that happened in the past few days, there was no way I could leave. I needed to see her, be with her, know without a shadow of a doubt that she was okay.

The silence grew between us. Evie was crossing her arms and looking away. I tried to rack my brains for a reason why she might hate me... the last time we'd really talked, I'd layed all my cards on the table. I'd told her that I liked her. A lot. And she hadn't believed me. In fact, if anyobody ought to be mad at anyone else, I should have been angry with her!

"Evie, are you mad at me?" I asked. I wanted so badly to close the distance between us.

She shook her head, and in that instant, all of her defenses came crumbling away like the blocks of ancient castle, no longer able to support itself.

"No. No, I'm just embarassed, I guess. I made such an overly-dramatic scene. I probably look like some pathetic, emotional wreck," she cried.

"Shh, nobody thinks that. I promise you." I said, taking a seat on her bed, and reaching for her hand. She didn't pull away. Instead, she buried her head in my chest.

"Evie, why on earth would you try and kill yourself?" I wondered aloud. I heard take a huge breath.

"I just... felt as if I wasn't adding anything to the world. I wasn't helping anyone by being alive. My own parents don't even care if I live or die!"

I felt protestations rise up in my throat but I bit my tongue and let her finish.

"And then Louis... he was one of the first people I let into my life, and the thought of not having someone like him to share things with, it was just too much. And out of all the places to sit, I found myself on the bathroom floor, the one place strong enough to hold the weight on my shoulders. I know that sounds really stupid, but there you have it."

"Well first - that's ridiculous! I mean, do you know how worried all of us were when we found you on the bathroom floor? Paul was beside himself with worry! And what about Cara? She's like your sister! People care about you, Evie, trust me."

Evie gave the tiniest hint of a smile.

"I'm no therapist, but I can promise you this: I will listen. I will care. Okay? So please never try anything like this again, because it basically destroyed me," I said slowly, staring into her eyes. She stared back.

Evie's POV:

I pulled away from Harry and took a long look at him. His hair was a mess, his jeans were dirty, he was wearing a brown wool coat, and a deep green shirt. He smelled vaguely like blueberry gatorade. There were circles under his eyes, and he wasn't smiling at me. There wasn't anything photoshopped or perfect about him. Right now, he wasn't a celebrity, One Direction didn't exist.

"Did you mean what you said earlier? About liking me?" Harry broke into a grin.

"Every word."

"You're such an asshole," I said, pulling him a little closer. He broke into a grin. Dimples. I swear they are the biggest turn on.

"I mean, we could never date, you're the biggest jerk I know," I continued, lying down and pulling at the hem of his T-shirt. He responded instantly, straddling me carefully.

"Like, you're the most annoying, idiotic boy I've ever met," I said, pulling his head closer to mine. Our noses were touching, and he was staring down at me goofily.

With that, out lips met.

I've been to enough Guy Fawkes days to know a thing or two about fireworks. But let me tell you, fireworks had nothing on this kiss. It wasn't electricity, it wasn't magnetism, it wasn't magic, it was stronger and better than all of that.

"I take all that back," I said, laughing as I deepened the kiss.

All to soon, Harry broke away. "You know, the others are still waiting outside," Harry said. I started blushing. "Oh, um, right. Well, go get them!" I exclaimed, trying to fix my hair and pull myself together.

Harry opened the door. The first person through was Zayn who gave me a massive bear hug. Niall and Liam did the same. Paul clapped me on the back. "Glad to see you're doing better, Evie. You gave us all quite a scare," he said.

I locked eyes with Zayn guiltily. Sorry, I whispered.

Niall was eyeing up the tray of dinner the nurse had brought me a few minutes before Harry arrived. "Oh help yourself," I teased, handing it to him. We all laughed, and Niall wasted no time digging it.

Zayn came and sat beside me on the bed. He casually looped his arm around mine. I saw Harry shoot him an annoyed look. Jealous Harry? That's a new one. Hmm, it's hot, I can work with it, I decided.

"You broke your pinky promise," Zayn whispered into my ear. Nobody was paying any attention but I shivered.

Zayn rubbed my arm. "I'm not mad. I'm just relieved that you're okay." He smiled at me before getting up to check out the TV channels with Liam.

The same nurse from before peeked into the room. She smiled at me reasurringly, before beckoning to Paul. He stepped outside to talk with her.

While Paul was gone, Niall kept interrogating me about whether or not I had seen any vending machines on my way in.

"Niall she was stapped to a gurney! She wasn't exactly looking for snack options, now was she?" Harry said, laughing at the blond boy who was shoveling food into his mouth at an alarming rate.

"Scoot over, babe," Harry said. I moved over a little, trying not to move my stomach too much, which was basically on fire. Harry wormed his way in beside me. He copied Zayn and worked his arm around my shoulders.

My stomach tensed up and I let out a groan.

"That bad, huh?" Harry asked, hie voice full of concern. "I've had worse. I once had to listen to you sing for a whole two hours," I joked. He stuck out his tongue at me. I chuckled. "Joking," I added, kissing his cheek lightly. Oh my god, is this flirting? Up until now, my version of flirting was asking boys what the homework was. Yeah. Player's got moves like jagger.

Paul walked back into the room.

"Boys, time to go. Evie needs her rest," he stated, patting my hand. All the boys gave me long hugs. "Rest up and get better, I really don't want to have to explain this to Cara," Niall said, smiling at me. Zayn immediately tensed and things got very quiet. I shot him a reassuring smile and he smiled back weakly.

"Uh, Paul?" Harry asked all of a sudden, getting up. "Can I stay here? Just to make sure that Evie will be okay? I mean, she doesn't know anyone here and..." he trailed off sheepishly, looking away.

Liam coughed pointedly. "What about Louis?" Paul asked carefully, suddenly taking an interest in the linoleum floor. Harry went very red.

"Louis isn't here," he practically growled, making eye contact with Paul. I swear, they had a stare-down for a good minute. But it felt like an eternity.

"Fine. But we'll all be here at eight o clock sharp, don't think we won't!" he said.

"And we need constant updates about Evie's health!" Zayn added. "Because, this is all about her health right?" he said innocently, winking at me. I laughed, and all heads turned to me, so I turned the laugh into a chocking fit. Harry started rubbing my back.

"See? She needs me!" He said, talking to them, but staring at me with a grin on his face. I rolled my eyes.

"We'll see you later, mate," Niall said.

"Now it's time to search for that damn Tomlinson," Paul muttered, grabbing his cell phone as he and the others left the room. Harry closed the door behind them and then moved back to the bed, getting under the thin blanket. He wrapped his arm around me once more like it was as natural to him as breathing. A little rush of shivers ran down my spine. Kind of pathetic- all he had to do was touch me and I practically melted.

A fresh wave of pain rolled through my stomach. Ugh. So much pain for such stupid actions. I groaned a little.

"How ya feeling?" Harry asked, being serious for once.

"Fine," I muttered. Harry gave a low chuckle.

"Don't bullshit me, love."

"Fine, it hurts a litte," I said. I hated when people made a big deal about me. Besides, it was my own poisonous thoughts that had landed me in this situation. The last thing I deserved was kindness after what I had tried to do with myself. End my own life. Just thinking the words made me cringe. Had I really wanted that? Now, with Harry beside me, the very idea of missing this seemed incomprehensible

"Hold on, I'm gonna go find that nurse and get you some medicine to ease the pain."

"No don't!" I cried in exasperation. Harry ignored me and got up, but I grabbed for him, setting off a fresh wave of agony. I yelped. In the space of a second, Harry was cradling me, rubbing my shoulders and stroking my hair.

"Why are you always such a handful?" he murmured into my hair. He lay me back down and walked off, and I decided it would be smarter not to argue. God - we're both such stubborn people! How is this ever going to work out? It's probably not, the more rational part of my brain said. Oh shut up, just enjoy yourself, the rest of my mind argued back. I let that side win and relaxed into the pillows.

A few minutes later, Harry came in, smiling triumphantly and holding a glass of water and a package of pain pills.

"Here, she said these would help," he said, handing them to me. I made a face. I hate medicine of any form, but I gave in and took them. Harry came back into the bed. It was a little tight of a fit, since I'm pretty much positive that it was meant for one person, not one person and her rockstar boyfriend(?). Not that I was complaining. Harry eased me onto my side, and did the same, so that we were lying down facing each other. When I looked up at him, his eyes were so full of love and a tiny smile was playing on his lips.

"From the moment we started talking, I knew that I wanted you around," he said simply.

"Okay, you get a kiss for that," I said, pecking him lightly. He deepened the kiss a little, moulding his hands around the contours of my body. All of a sudden, I became very conscious of the fact that I was wearing an almost see-through hospital gown the color and material of tissue paper.

"Er, Harry?" Harry blushed, and I pulled the blanket over myself tightly. "Sorry about that," he said smirking. I was too tired to hit him but I was sorely tempted to do so.

I let out a little yawn, and snuggled into his arms.

"Feeling tired?" he asked me, moving my bangs out of face and kissing me on the forehead. I shrugged.

"Yeah, the nurse told me that drowsiness was one of the symptoms of the medication."

"_Ugh, I hate you!_ You just want to drug me to sleep! If you wanted me to shut up, you could have just asked!" I accused. I could basically feel Harry rolling his eyes. I rolled over, so that we were spooning.

"Quite the contrary actually. I just want you to feel better so we can go home tomorrow and do this" he gestured to our intertwined forms, "in a more comfortable location."

I yawned again. Damn medication.

"Fine. But you _will_ pay for this. For all I know, you gave me Roofies and are planning to rape me..." I said, closing my eyes.

I could feel Harry laugh, since his chest was pressed against my back.

"If I wanted to have sex with you, I could just ask couldn't I?" I pretended to scoff. "Not that I'd say yes," I said, in a bored tone. I wondered what Harry would think if I told him that literally all he had to do was blink and I'd get down and suck his dick. _Well, he'd probably be ecstatic_, I thought, with a smile.

"Don't deny you want it," harry crooned into my ear, chuckling.

"I might," I said. "But unfortunately I'm too tired..." I replied.

"Damnit!" Harry exclaimed. "What have I done?" I smiled to myself. A comfortable silence stretched between us. After a minute, Harry moved his head into the space between my head and shoulder. I let out a contented sigh.

"Goodnight, love," he said sweetly.

"Goodnight," I murmured, before passing out.

**THE NEXT DAY: **

**Evie's POV: **

"Get your hands off of her!"

"No, goddamit! You can't just come in here and boss me around like you're Paul!"

"I wasn't joking, Styles. Get your greasy, slimy, whore-hands off of her!"

I groaned and opened my eyes. Sleep still enveloped me like a layer of snow, but I blinked rapidly. Those were some heavy painkillers... by the sound of it, this fight had been going on for a while, and I had only now just woken up because of it.

In the corner, Harry was arguing heatedly with someone. _Wait_. My eyes focused. Not just anyone. _Louis_.

I felt my stomach drop three floors, and a weird ringing started in my ears. I was so nervous, I was practically hyperventilating. Here was one of the reasons I had tried to take my own life, standing before me in the flesh and blood. I didn't blame him for what happened... if anything, I blamed my parents, who had raised me to always feel unworthy and unloved. But there was no way I could go back to being his girlfriend. It had nothing to do with Harry, it's just... I had never really loved Louis as a person, just the idea of having a boyfriend, of having someone to tell my secrets to.

As soon as Louis caught my eye he stood up and walked over to the bed. I sat up weakly and gave him a timid smile, which he didn't return.

"Lou? You okay?" I asked nervously. He crossed his arms and spat on the floor.

"I just found my ex in bed with my best friend. So am I okay? No, no not really," he screamed, grabbing the blanket and ripping it off of me. I cowered beneath his gaze. I had never felt such acute hate. Excluding my parents, that is.

"Look, Louis, you're acting like a crazy person!" Harry said, pushing Louis away from me, and taking my hand.

"Harry stay out of it!" Louis shouted back, shoving Harry away this time. I bit my lip. Oh god.

"This is between me and her!" Louis barked, pointing an accusing finger at me.

"Her? She has a name you know!" Harry challenged.

"I know that! In fact, considering I used to date her, I actually know quite a bit about her!" Louis shot back.

"Probably less than I do, buddy!" Harry was rolling up his sleeves, but I'd seen these boys fight before, and I knew that things could get brutal fast.

"Guys stop it!" I yelled, standing up on shaky legs. My stomach twisted a little, but overall, I felt a million times better than yesterday. Both boys' heads snapped around instantly.

"What?" Louis asked with intense sarcasm, as if I was no more than an annoying insect buzzing near his ear. Wow, I hope he doesn't always treat me with such an attitude...

"Harry, Louis is right..." I started. A look of satisfaction crossed Louis' face, and Harry began to tremble with rage.

"But-"

"Told you so!" Louis screamed. What a child.

"BUT," I continued, "only about this being between he and I. Harry, please just give us a minute?" Harry looked dmurderous, until he examined the determination on my face.

"Fine," he murmured, but he walked over to me and kissed me quickly before walking outside, letting the door slam with a bang.

I took a second to gather myself. I knew that Harry would be right outside the door, listening to every word I said, and I needed to make things as clear as I possibly could. This insane love-triangle-whatever-thing ended here. I was too tired of the drama and the bullshit.

"Louis, I made my choice, and my choice is Harry. I never cheated on you, not once. You know me better than that, so please don't even try and make me feel guilty about it, because it never happened. Never. Okay?"

A million emotions crossed Louis' eyes, but I couldn't make any of them out, and rather than wait for him to say something, I jumped right in again:

"It's not the ideal situation. I know that. But I meant what I said when I told you I didn't have feelings for you anymore. And that I haven't for a while. I can't help wanting Harry, ever since middle school, I've been horrible at it. Please, Louis, if you care about me at all, you'll let Harry and I be together?"

For what felt like an eternity, Louis didn't say anything. He stared at a patch of wall slightly above my head. His eyes were as remote as the stars and my stomach knotted and unknotted not from pain, but nerves. I felt as if I was in the Reaping for the Hunger Games or something. Yes, I did just say that...#nerdyandnoshame. I can't believe I said that either!

Finally, Louis met my eyes. He let out a huge breath. "You're right, I do care about you. Is that some kind of crime? I loved you a lot. Like, a lot a lot."

My eyes started to prickle. "I..." I faltered.

"No, please, let me finish! I don't want any more of this drama. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to smile, even if I'm not the reason anymore."

I ran up to Louis and hugged him ferociously, probably knocking the wind out of him in the process.

"Easy there tiger," he murmured, but I could tell from his voice that he wasn't mad. Not really.

"So you give us you're blessing?" I asked, stepping back and grinning despite myself.

A flash of pain crossed the brunette's perfect features before he composed himself and put on a tiny smile. "I suppose so yes."

"But that doesn't mean I want to see your tongue down his throat!" Louis added, wagging his finger at me.

"You won't have to worry about that. Harry's a bit of a prude," I stated. Images of his hands on my body last night flooded my mind and I tried to suppress my laughter.

"I AM NOT!" Harry bellowed, charging into the room. Louis couldn't help but snicker at the look on Harry's face.

For a minute, all three of us stood there in the hospital room awkwardly.

"Take good care of her, Hazza," Louis said, slapping Harry on the shoulder as he left. I expected him to maybe pause at the doorway, spin around, say goodbye in some way. Instead, he simply walked out. I wasn't exactly disappointed, but I felt a sneaking suspiscion rise in my chest. This wasn't as over as I wanted it to be. Not even close.

**Last Day in Sydney**

**Niall's POV:**

"Aren't they cute?" Liam whispered to me. He was gesturing to Harry and Evie, who were arguing about something. Both of them were smiling however. I just kind of shook my head and shrugged. From what I could see, they had the weirdest relationship... nothing like Cara and I, who got along amazingly.

Cara. Memories of her, her smile and her laugh came rushing back. I couldn't wait for our trip. Three weeks was much to long to be apart.

We were on the car on the way to the airport. The rest of the tour had been amazing, but now it was time to head back to England. I still hadn't mentioned the vacation to any of the other boys. No need to create additional drama, right?

Thankfully, when we arrived at the apartment, there were no crazy fans mobbing us. Paul dismissed the security sheepishly, and we boarded the plane without incident.

It was late evening, and as soon as we took off, the lights dimmed. I pulled out my phone and stared at my background: a picture of Cara. I sighed. _It was about time to tell her I loved her._

**The Next Day**

**Cara's POV:**

*Cara's POV*

Three weeks without the boys had been… nice. I know it sounds awful, but without them in close proximity, things had been calm. I had just been enjoying bonding with my host family, cooking with Tricia and Doniya, discussing politics with Mr. Malik, and learning new hairstyles from Waliyha and Safaa.

Of course, it wasn't as if I had stopped talking to any of the boys: I had been texting them constantly. But nothing much had changed. Their tour was going well, they missed me, I missed them.

But today was the third of December, and they were coming back.

I had arranged to meet Niall at the airport with my suitcases so we could fly directly to Cancun, Mexico. Apparently, this was Niall's ideal vacation spot... not that I was complaining! The website he had sent me of where we were staying looked amazing, with pictures of sea turtles, sandy beaches, and inviting pools. But more importantly, I would be with Niall. Which is what I want. I think. Ugh, my emotions are literally a train wreck.

I had just finished my school exams earlier in the day, and now I was lugging my freshly packed suitcase to the car Niall had sent to pick me up. Even halfway around the world, he was still thinking about me and trying to make things more convenient for me.

As I settled myself in the back of the roomy car, my mind turned back to the vacation I was embarking on. If I was being honest with myself, it wasn't just the resort town location that made me excited…. It was the prospect of spending an entire two weeks with Niall alone. Part of me wasn't sure if we were ready for such a big step in our relationship. After all, we'd only been dating since September and things had still been complicated, to say the least. But I had to try, because being alone had made me realize how important he had become to me. All thoughts of Liam had faded away, slowly. I wish I could say the same about Zayn.

I had talked the vacation over with Tricia and Zayn's dad, and they had both been supportive, encouraging me to travel with Niall. They told me that I was only young once, and that I should travel as much as possible. I was really starting to see them as my parents in so many ways, and I was glad that they, at least, were ok with the trip. Though I had made them promise not to mention anything to Zayn until later today. I had explained it was for privacy, but really it was because I hadn't wanted to face him at the airport, his face cold, blank, and remote with rage and dismay. No, I hadn't wanted that at all. It was just easier if none of the boys had any idea what Niall and I were doing.

Left to my thoughts, the rest of the drive to the airport was uneventful.

Once we arrived, the driver took my bags and led me directly to the VIP lounge. Even though I had only been there once before, my feet remembered the way, which was good, since the rest of my mind was occupied with thoughts of the boys. The prospect of seeing them once more was both extremely exciting and unbearably painful.

I heard them before I saw them: the huskiness of Louis's voice, Evie's higher pitched accusatory statement, Harry making some sarcastic comment in his silky voice, Liam's practical tone arguing with him, Niall's thick Irish accent, and finally Zayn's equally thick city boy slang and slashed vowels.

Then I saw them.

My eyes involuntarily locked on Liam's. His hair was straightened and shaggy, the way I loved it, and he was wearing only light wash jeans and a t-shirt, but just this simple outfit pleased me.

He returned my gaze wordlessly, and I stopped moving. I continued to stare, drinking him in with my eyes.

Part of me felt arms enveloping me in a group hug. Part of me registered the familiar colognes of Zayn, Harry, Louis, and Niall mixing with the soft girly scent of Evie's perfume.

But the larger part of me was trapped, staring at Liam, the boy I _hadn't_ spent the last few weeks missing. Was there anything I could say to him? Would I even get a chance now that I was about to leave?

"Guys, give her some space, let her breathe," Niall commanded, smiling at me hugely.

Finally, everyone stopped hugging me.

"You almost ready to go?" Niall asked in a low voice, tapping the handle of my suitcase.

I nodded. I wasn't ready to go at all, not really. But the burn of Liam's eyes on me was becoming incredibly uncomfortable.

"Well, uh, see you around lads," Niall said, grabbing my hand, and taking my suitcase in his other.

"Where are you going?" Harry queried, slinging his arm around Evie. Since when do Harry and Evie get along? Much less touch? I thought she hated him, I mused. Looks like I clearly had a lot of catching up to do.

"Oh, um, just on a little, y'know, trip," Niall said. We both looked away from the surprised faces surrounding us.

Before anybody could react, Niall led me away. He checked my bag, and then we hurriedly found our gate, and boarded the plane.

Or rather, the small private jet Niall had arranged. I wanted to roll my eyes, but looking at Niall's excited face and gleaming eyes, I let it go.

Besides, there was something nice about being the only people on the plane. And I couldn't really complain about the shiny veneer of the armrests, the flat screen TV, or the plush seats.

As soon as we took off, I leaned into Niall.

"Sorry if that was awkward," I mumbled into his chest. "I just don't want anyone to know where we're going. For security. I don't want to be swarmed by paparazzi," I added.

"Cara, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I get it. When we started dating, you didn't even know I was famous, so you had no idea what you were getting into. Of course, I'm sure none of the lads would say anything to the press or the paparazzi… but I understand. I really do."

"Thank you. For understanding. It means a lot. And this is nice. You and me, this," I said, trying desperately to find the right words, because _I love you_ seemed to forward, too much for this moment.

"Just you and me on a plane for the next ten hours," Niall said happily, pulling out his laptop.

"Want to watch some TV?"

"Sure," I agreed, stretching out so that my legs crossed over Niall's.

For the next few hours, we switched between Southpark, Niall's idea of quality entertainment, and Secret Life, my guilty pleasure which Niall gave into only because I begged.

We fell asleep cuddled together.

I woke up to Niall shaking me. The windows of the cabin were closed, so I had no idea what time it was, or how long I had been asleep.

"We're here," Niall said, leaning down to kiss me gently.

We got our bags and Niall helped me down the steps from the plane. His hand rested comfortably on the small of his back, and I though about how lucky I was to have him.

"No paparazzi, babe," Niall said gleefully, as he helped me into the sleek black car he had arranged to pick us up.

Niall and I sat in the back and admired the city and the beautiful beaches that we passed by.

"Here we go," our driver announced, in a thick Mexican accent, after only a half hour of driving.

I stared through the window in awe at the beautiful resort in front of us.

I gasped. There was a group of large, island-style houses centered around a glittering pool. Each of the houses was larger than my home in the U.S., and lush plants grew around them.

"Did I die and go to heaven?" I joked. Niall pulled me to him and kissed the top of my hair, chuckling. "Glad you like it, love."

I breathed in the salty air and noticed the glimmering ocean only a few hundred feet from the last house.

"This is incredible," I murmured. Niall pecked me on the lips.

"Glad you like it." He proceeded to gather our bags and pay the driver, simultaneously leading me to the door of the last house, the one I had been admiring only seconds before.

Niall deftly pulled a slim gold key from the pocket of his shorts, and opened the door with a flourish.

"Casa de Horan y Johnson," he announced dramatically, dumping our bags in the entryway. I snickered at his Spanish, but followed him inside obediently.

The interior was just as stunning as the natural beauty outside. There were gleaming hardwood floors, a giant living room, and in the kitchen, a wall made entirely of glass facing the sea. Off of the hallway we stood in was a bathroom and the master bedroom.

I stood in the door jamb of the bedroom nervously.

The bed looked big and comfortable, but did I really want to…. My thoughts trailed off. I might act somewhat confident about boys, or at least about Niall, but I had never had any serious boyfriends back home, and I was a complete virgin. The farthest I had ever gone was third base, and even that had been something I hadn't felt comfortable with. Of course, with Niall it was different. There was so many things that I felt for him that I had never felt for anyone before.

While I was standing there, Niall came up and wrapped his arms around me. His thoughts seemed to follow mine.

"I'm not going to force you into doing anything you don't want to do, Cara," he said quietly. I nodded. He hadn't explicitly said sex, but I knew that was what he meant.

"It's completely up to you, how far we go," Niall continued. _Yeah. That was kind of the problem_.

That evening, after Niall and I unpacked, and I called Tricia to confirm that we had landed safely, we went into the city to buy groceries and then go to dinner.

The food at the restaurant was delicious, so Niall was in a good mood. Luckily, it also tired him out, so that by the time we actually got into bed we just kind of collapsed from exhaustion and there wasn't time for me to don the incredibly sexy lingerie I DIDN'T HAVE THE FORESIGHT TO BRING. Not that I would have had any to bring. Ok, I mean, I had a few lacy thongs (I had spent my fair share of time in Victoria's Secret, I was a teenage girl after all) but this was Niall Horan. That just wasn't going to cut it.

I could hear Evie's voice in my head saying something along the lines of: _Lacy thongs? Step up your game, guurrrlll! You want to impress the boy don't you? _Why hadn't I thought to ask her to borrow something of hers? God knows, she probably has plenty.

I went to sleep even more conflicted than I had been earlier.

The next day, Niall and I went to the beach. We found a nice place to sit in the sand, and just did childish things together, making sandcastles, and pelting each other with the soft, powder-like sand.

We stayed at the beach the whole day, talking about things we never usually had time to discuss. I was starting to learn so much more about Niall, things he hadn't touched upon earlier because of his busy schedule.

We had started a game of stating facts about ourselves, taking turns.

"I want to start my own charity," Niall said, playing with my fingers, burying one of my rings in the sand.

"To help impoverished kids learn about music and how to play instruments."

"That's great," I remarked. This really was a new side of him.

"And I want to go to university eventually."

"I really admire how driven you are. And how humble you are, in spite of everything that's happened to you," I said. It sounded like the cheesiest thing to say, but I meant it. He was beyond kind, nothing about fame had phased him.

And in addition to that, I had started noticing other things about Niall: the perfection of his smile, the symmetry of our hands intertwined, the intensity of his eyes. Sometimes, you forget how much you value somebody.

As the afternoon turned to evening, Niall put his arm around me and we watched the sun sink lower in the sky together, our breathing even and calm. I felt myself becoming more acutely aware of his every movement. I wasn't sure I had ever wanted someone the way I now wanted Niall.

Niall turned to me. On the deserted beach, the last rays of sunlight were blazing, giving his hair a soft golden halo.

"Cara, I need to be honest with you. You make every single day I'm alive a hell of a lot better. You make me want to get up every morning: I love you."

I cupped Niall's face in my hands. He looked so young, innocent, sweet. So sure of himself, and of what he was saying. My heart filled with ecstasy.

"That's convenient, because I love you, too."

And saying the words aloud made me realize just how true they were.

I kissed him and he responded immediately, working his hands along my body.

I relaxed into the sand and Niall moved on top of me, touching me with a new urgency. His hand worked itself into my bikini bottoms, and I let out a low moan.

Niall pulled away, his breathing ragged.

"Are you sure?" he asked, tracing the outline of my cheek with his finger. I nodded quickly. I had never thought much about sex, or virginity, or any of that. It just hadn't seemed important. But then again, Niall was my first serious boyfriend, the first person I had truly desired. Except for Zayn, a nagging voice in the back of my head reminded me. I bit my tongue in frustration and shoved the voice away, refocusing my eyes on Niall's body. _Damn, those were some low-riding board shorts. Fuck._

"I'm very, very sure," I said, sucking in a couple hearty gulps of air.

With that Niall picked me up bridal style and carried me inside. He placed me on the bed and got up to shut the blinds and dim the lights, so the last few flickers of outdoor light wouldn't disturb us.

I shivered once more at the sight of him in only board shorts.

As Niall returned to the bed, he gave me a look I can't even begin to describe. What did I ever do to deserve this, I wondered. But I was more focused on the incarnation of hotness before me.

"Well then Mrs. Johnson," he whispered seductively. I looked up at him.

"Well then," I murmured, reaching out a hand to trace his chest muscles. _Yep, they're real. Ok breathe, Cara, breathe. _

A wave of desire passed through me and I pulled him onto me once more. His hands ran over my body, lingering at the strings of my bikini top. He pulled it off, and the bottoms soon followed.

I mimicked him, tugging at his shorts, and sighing with relief as they fell to the floor.

He grabbed me once more with a moan.

**A/N: **

**Hey guys! I'm trying to update more frequently but please keep reviewing! I have gotten some great feedback and I just value what you guys say so much! **

**I probably won't have time to update much soon because of school and I am slipping back into my ED, so yes, kind of an uphill battle over here. Don't worry, I will get to work on this next week for sure, if I don't find time towards the end of this week :) **

**Also... thoughts and opinions? Is it getting too sexy? I just want it to be realistic, and the reality is that teenagers have sex and curse and drink and things. I don't want to sugarcoat anything, but if it bothers you, I'm sorry! And do you guys prefer shorter chapters or longer ones? I consider this length pretty long (for me at least lol) but some people have said they think I should make chapters shorter? Thank you so much :) I love you all!**


	15. Chapter 15: At Home, With Zayn and Harry

**This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFiction (Chapter #15) **

**The Next Morning:**

**Cara's POV:**

The sunlight hit my face and I groaned.

"Come on, time to wake up," Niall said, coving my cheek in light, feathery kisses. I grabbed a pillow to shield my face but Niall wrestled it away from me and I was forced to open my eyes. Ugh. Why couldn't I just go back to bed? This was a _vacation_ after all...

I took stock of the bedroom: morning sunlight was streaming through the blinds and the bed was a mess of rumpled blankets and pillows. Niall was in the middle of said bed, half dressed in a pair of shorts and his usual white Supras.

I let out a little sigh of relief. At least he wasn't fully dressed yet. I could work with this...

Before I could find a good excuse for removing his shorts, Niall butted in.

"Time to get up, Cara. Seriously, its almost eleven!"

"Since when am _I_ the horny one in this relationship?" I grumbled. Niall kissed me lightly. "Since you started having sex with me?" he asked innocently, smoothing down my hair. I sighed.

"Fine, be that way" I grumbled. I got up and was halfway to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do something about my bed head when Niall cleared his throat loudly.

I spun around. "What?" I growled.

I wasn't at my best in the mornings, and that was putting it nicely.

"Um, you might want to put some clothes on." I shrieked and stared down at my naked body.

Niall laughed and came up and hugged me from behind, kissing my bare shoulders.

"I don't mind if you don't mind," he said cheekily.

I laughed.

"No I mind," I said, detangling myself, and walking over to my suitcase.

"Fine," Niall sulked. "Besides it's nothing I haven't seen before…"

I grabbed a spare flip flop and chucked it in his general direction. He laughed and ducked. I flipped him the bird, and he just started laughing harder.

"You're cute when you get mad," he said, tossing me the flip flop.

"Aren't I always cute?" I demanded. He chuckled and nodded before leaving the room to let me have some privacy.

I threw on some fresh bikini bottoms and a tank top, too lazy to care about how I looked. I went into the bathroom to brush out the tangles in my hair and wash my face.

When I confronted myself in the mirror I noticed a subtle glow. _That's from the sex, darling,_ I could hear Evie saying in my head. I chuckled.

Just as I was leaving, I noticed the hickey on my neck, just below my jaw bone. I stepped closer to the mirror.

Aw shit! There wasn't just one... there was, like, five! How kinky did we get last night? I wondered. Oh well, no point in covering them up. It was just Niall, after all.

When I walked into the kitchen after the bathroom, Niall was pouring milk into two bowls of cereal.

"Hi," I said quietly, sitting down at the table. Niall set the cereal in front of me and handed me a spoon.

"Hi." He pecked me on the lips quickly, and my body reacted with that same familiar feeling of melting.

We ate silently for a few minutes, before I couldn't contain my emotions any longer.

"So…what did you think of um… you know…?" Why did I still feel so awkward discussing what we had just done? I didn't regret it, not at all. It was just so intimate. He and I had gone to a place I had never gone to before.

Niall just smiled to himself and looked down at his cereal, shaking his head. "Best night of my life, obviously."

I smirked. "Same," I murmured. Well that was a relief: Niall had enjoyed himself just as much as I had.

The rest of the vacation was pure bliss. Basically, we just went to the beach, ate delicious food, and had copious amounts of sex. Not to put too fine a point on it.

Every day, I thought a little bit less of the other boys. But I couldn't forget Harry, Liam, or Zayn completely. Especially Zayn. Part of me wanted to call him and apologize for going on vacation with Niall, without giving him any kind of warning.

In fact, one evening, while Niall was still at the pool, I had taken my cell phone out of the bottom of my suitcase. I hadn't used it since I had called Zayn's parents at the very start of the trip, and as I dialed Zayn's number, my entire body was shaking. My breath came out in unattractive gasps. I felt a strange nausea in the pit of my stomach. But before I could press 'send', Niall came in, wearing only a towel, and grabbed my waist, pulling me in for a kiss. And just like that, my opportunity was gone.

**Back In Bradford: **

**Zayn's POV:**

I stared at the screen of my phone for the millionth time that day, and ground my teeth in frustration. Since Cara and Niall had gone on their little fucking picnic to fucking Mexico, she hadn't texted me or called once.

I was still seething about that, actually. Standing in the airport, watching her walk away, hand in hand with Niall fucking Horan had made me so mad, I wanted to punch a wall. So I did. In fact, I punched it about ten times, which is why security had to escort me outside. That and I was "swearing to much". _Wankers_.

At the time, I didn't care. I was just so enraged. It just goes to show: sometimes, the prettiest people do the ugliest things.

As soon as I had gotten home, I'd interrogated my parents about where she had gone, and a few minutes later, I'd been frantically searching the internet for information about their flight and their hotel. The pictures looked nice and classy. _Why couldn't I give her that?_

It just wasn't fair, though. I was here, trapped in my room, missing her the way she was never going to miss me. And what's worse, I had no idea if she was ok, if she was having fun, or maybe, if she was bored out of her mind? The two of them had kept everything top secret, to avoid the paparazzi. And that's when it hit me.

In a flash, I grabbed my phone and after a quick Google search, my fingers flew across the keyboard. _Why are you doing this, Zayn? Do you want to hurt Cara even more?_ I asked myself. But the answer came surprisingly fast: yes. Yes, I did.

They answered after only one ring.

"This is People Magazine Mexico. How may we help you?"

"Hi, I'm an anonymous source, but I think I have some information about Niall Horan and his new girlfriend that you might be very interested in."

**Cara's POV: **

There were only two days left of our trip. Only two more days of paradise with Niall.

We had planned to take a picnic to a secret cove the tour guide had recommended to us, because apparently it was really private. We hadn't had to deal with any paparazzi so far, but Niall and I didn't want to press our luck.

I dressed casually, in shorts and a tank top, with a bikini underneath. Simple was the way to go, I had decided, because hey, the clothes were just going to come off anyways, with Niall around.

Niall was wearing a green baseball cap, a wife beater, and tan shorts. His hair was still a little bit messy from last night, but his eyes were the same as always: full of love.

The cove was about half an hour from the hotel, but Niall drove slowly. We put the radio on, and talked about random things.

"Hey, that's weird… do you see that car behind us? It's been following us from the hotel!" Niall exclaimed, indicating at the car in the rear view mirror.

I turned around and looked at the black Cadillac Escalade that had been following us. The windows were too dark to see into.

"I'm sure they're going somewhere else. Relax, Niall!" I laughed, reaching over to massage his shoulder soothingly.

Niall just shook his head.

"Just seems a bit weird…" We kept driving, and after a while, the car fell behind us and by the time we arrived at the cove, it had disappeared completely.

The cove was stunning. The water was a breathtaking turquoise, which contrasted sharply against the harsh pale white of the sand. Sunlight filtered reassuringly through the palm trees that were set back from the shore. Best yet, the place was completely deserted.

Niall parked in a strip of dirt, marked by a rusted and half-covered "parking" sign. Part of me wondered if anyone had been here in years.

"Race you!" I cried, kicking off my flip-flops and jumping out of the car towards the water.

"Not fair!" Niall cried indignantly, throwing down his keys and chasing after me. As I ran towards the water, I pulled off my tank top and then my shorts, leaving them half buried by the sand.

When I reached the water, Niall caught up with me, picking me up and twirling me around. I laughed, and the sound was one of pure happiness. _How did I get so lucky?_ I think. _Most people find love like this when they're twenty-five, or thirty, and hear I am sixteen and I have everything I want_.

Niall hugs me closer to his chest and kisses me passionately. I feel my heart pounding in my chest with adrenaline and love. I kiss back, moving my hand to the back of his neck, the warmest part of him, even in this heat.

_ Click! Click! Click!_

Niall and I both swiveled our heads. A few hundred feet away was a cluster of paparazzi, holding cameras. As soon as they see us look up, they begin yelling things to us in a furious mix of Spanish and English.

I huddle against Niall's chest. _Oh god, oh god, oh god._

Part of me is beyond angry. Here I am, just trying to have a nice time, being totally exposed. There's going to be pictures of me in just a bikini, with Niall, all over magazines and the Internet in no time. I want to scream with frustration. Tears start prickling the corners of my eyes.

Niall seems to understand. He grabs my hand and together we run to the car. I jump into the passenger side, and Niall guns it out of the cove.

Even in the car, my body continues to shake with rage. I never thought I would feel so completely horrified by people. Everybody else gets to eat and sleep and go to the beach without having a fucking trillion pictures taken of him or her. But do Niall and I get that kind of respect? Of course not. We're too much of the "cute teen couple".

When I told Niall I was nervous of the paparazzi, and being in the spotlight, I wasn't being too serious. But that was mainly because I never thought something like this would actually happen. To me, Niall was always Niall, not some rock star. It bothered, me though, it really did. My life belonged to me, not the entire world.

**Niall's POV:**

My breathing was ragged from escaping the paparazzi. I was so angry; I kept seeing weird red flashes across my vision. How could I have been so incredibly immature and stupid? Cara had explicitly told me she didn't want anything like this to happen. She had wanted a vacation just her and me, and I couldn't even give her that. I was such a failure of a boyfriend! Not to mention a human being…. She was the best thing in my life, period, and I treated her badly time and again. Part of me wondered if one of the other boys could have done better. But one glance at Cara, even as shaken up as she was, told me that that just wasn't possible. Cara… made me think about marriage. Because I honestly couldn't comprehend a future where we didn't fall asleep together each and every night.

While these thoughts jumbled up in my mind, I kept driving at a good eighty miles an hour. I kept waiting for Cara to say something about how reckless I was being, or for her to ask me to slow down. She never did.

When we finally got back to our hotel, I parked and went straight to the passenger side. I opened Cara's door and picked her up bridal-style. She didn't protest. In fact, I didn't think she had said a single word since we got in the car.

I carried her inside mutely and set her down on the couch. Her eyes were filled with such an acute sadness.

"Niall how can people… I just… they make money off of that… How can they live with themselves? How is that… I don't even…" Her voice was uneven and desperate.

For once, I didn't know what to say to her. I was used to the fame, and having my picture taken at random times. It had become part of who I was.

"Can we just go home?" I nodded quickly. We packed out bags, and I called the airport immediately to arrange a private jet home.

In the car on the way to the airport, I massaged small circles into Cara's back.

"If it helps, I love you," I whispered quietly into her hair. "But I'll understand if you want to break up with me. It would be reasonable, given the circumstances. I honestly wouldn't blame you." And I wouldn't. Because, really, could you blame her? For not wanting her personal life to be so public? For not wanting very single action she made analyzed by thousands of people she didn't know and never would?

**Cara's POV:**

"Niall, I can't break up with you, because I'm completely, one hundred percent in love with you."

But even as I said the words, they tasted strange in my mouth, like a mixture of sawdust and chlorine. Of course I loved Niall. But that didn't change the fact that even now, on a separate continent, I was still thinking about Zayn, wondering if I had been with him, things might have been different. Might have been _better_.

**The Next Day, Back in Bradford:**

**Zayn's POV: **

I stared at the screen of my laptop with a weird mixture of disgust and desire. Although the picture was somewhat blurry, I could still clearly make out the figures of Cara and Niall, kissing deeply. The caption read: "Teen Heartthrob Niall Horan, of Once Direction Fame, Sexes It Up In Mexico With New Girlfriend". I slammed my first against my desk in frustration. What had I fucking done?!  
I had thought that sending the paparazzi after Niall and Cara to ruin their vacation would make me feel better. But seeing these pictures of the two of them was a whole different kind of hell. They looked so happy together. It physically made me sick.

At least something good had come of my little call to the paparazzi: they had decided to cut their trip short, and would be arriving back in Bradford in little over an hour. Of course, Cara hadn't told me this herself. Even though there was no way she could know that I tipped off the paparazzi, she was still keeping her distance, as always. But I had overheard my mom on the phone with her, and I had already agreed to go meet her at the airport, with the rest of my family.

"Zayn, come on, we're leaving now! We don't want to be late!" my dad called up to me. Quickly, I shut down my laptop, pushed my feet into some shoes and grabbed a hat off of my dresser.

Then I paused in front of the full-length mirror attached to my door. Harry, Louis, and the others used to tease me about the mirror, saying I was vain and self-absorbed. But now it was coming in handy. I stared at the dark circles under my eyes. I hadn't really slept since Cara went away, if I was being honest with myself. And even if I did, all I did was dream about her.

My hair was kind of a mess, so I ran my hand through it, trying to make it look more presentable. I normally wouldn't' have cared about something like that - I was kind of known for the messy haired, "couldn't be bothered" look. But this wasn't just anybody I was going to see. _This was Cara_.

Finally, I just gave up with my hair, and went downstairs, where everybody else was already crowding into the car. Doniya was singing some song about how much she had missed Cara, and I felt a tug at my heart. Cara had already become a part of my family, and I had been stupid enough to send some paparazzi after her just because I was jealous of what she and Niall seemed to share. I had to be the most self-centered, immature prick on the planet. Except for Niall, of course.

"Are you excited to see Cara?" My mum asked, turning around to face me from the front seat.

I shrugged. "Oh come on, Zayn. You must be just a little excited! You've barely left your room since she went on vacation!"

"Oh piss off!" The last thing I needed was my parents getting on my case about my antisocial behavior.

"Language, boy!" My dad shouted, slamming his fist on the steering wheel. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window.

"Zayn, the world isn't a battlefield. You can't live life being at war with everyone around you," my mum said softly. I sighed.

"I know, I know," I muttered. At this point, I wasn't even sure if I was going to survive all the way to the airport. I was such a wreck of conflicted emotions. How was I even going to face Cara after what I had done?

**Cara's POV:**

The plane had only landed a few minutes ago, but Niall had already been picked up by his driver. He had offered to wait for the Maliks with me, but I had urged him to get home and relax after the long plane ride, and he had finally caved in. It was nice in a way... as much as I enjoyed Niall's company, I needed my own space, too.

Now I was just sitting alone in the special VIP section with my suitcase, waiting for my host family. I was beyond excited to see Patricia and Yasser, Doniya, Waliyha, and Safaa. And Zayn. But that was a whole separate category of emotions. An unclassifiable category.

I pulled out my phone, checking to see if I had any new messages. I did:

_How's bein back in England? Evie and I miss u! xx – from **Harry Styles**_

_Baby gurl, when u getting back? How is Mr. Horan? Ahh, we need to have a girls night sometime soon! Sooo much has happened since u left! Literally. – **Evie **_

_ We should talk. Soon. – from **Liam**_

I groaned. Evie's message was nice, but I had completely forgotten about Liam. Well, not completely. I'd been so distracted with Niall, and all of the beautiful scenery, and oh, um, let me see? THE SEX. Because, yeah, that was pretty distracting.

And Harry's message? Since when did he get along with Evie? Every single time we'd done anything as a group, Evie would text me the entire time complaining about him. I was under the impression they couldn't stand each other! But now they were friends? Weird. Evie was right - things had definitely changed.

"There she is!" I looked up, to where the Maliks were walking towards me. I couldn't help myself: my face broke into a huge grin and I ran straight towards Patricia, where I gave her a giant hug. I hugged everybody else in turn, except for Zayn, who pretended to be very busy with his phone. He was wearing a Vans hat, a navy blue Hollister shirt, dark wash jeans, and Adidas. His hair was messy, underneath the hat, but he couldn't have looked better if he tried. For the umpteenth time since coming to Bradford, I questioned the fairness of the universe. Because it just wasn't fair that he looked like some off-job model while I stood over here drooling like the pathetic idiot I was.

Think of Niall, I commanded myself. Your _boyfriend_. Think of him.

Yasser took my suitcase, and we made our way outside towards the car. I talked animatedly with Doniya and Safaa, and already I felt so relieved to be home. Because this was my home, these people were truly my family.

We got into the car, and somehow I ended up sitting next to Zayn. More proof that the universe is completely unfair.

During the ride back, everyone except Zayn asked me questions about my trip. I tried to answer them as truthfully as possible, while making sure to edit out everything that was too personal about Niall and I. In fact, I barely mentioned Niall at all. It just seemed better that way.

"Why did you decide to come back early?" Doniya asked. Memories from the day at the cove came flooding back. It was the last thing I wanted to talk about, but if I was going to tell anyone, it should be my host family.

"A bunch of really aggressive paparazzi found Niall and I at the beach. It kind of freaked me out, so I asked to come home," I said, trying to make it sound like a minor occurrence.

"That's horrible!" Patricia exclaimed. Yasser started talking about how we should look into getting a restraining order. I noticed Zayn had turned away from me, his body language tense. _He probably thinks I'm such a weakling. He handles paparazzi all the time. _

As soon as we got home, Patricia asked me if I was tired.

"Pretty exhausted, yeah," I murmured.

"Ok, well, I really don't feel like cooking. I was thinking of going out for pizza, but if you're tired, you're more than welcome to stay here," Patricia said, giving me a warm smile.

"I'm a little too tired," I replied, faking a yawn. It was awful, but I didn't want to go and be interrogated once more about those paparazzi. Besides, just breathing the same air as Zayn once again was confusing me, and I needed some time alone to think.

Everyone nodded, and said they understood. They gave me one more round of hugs, and then I went upstairs. I lay down on my bed, and even though I had promised myself I would reply to some of my text messages, I had forgotten how comfortable my bed was… I couldn't help myself, I began to doze right away.

When I woke up, I checked my phone and only about half an hour had passed. I stared at the text messages once more. There was even a new message from Niall.

_ I love you. In so many ways. And I had an amazing time with you. Date night soon? :)_ – **Niall **

I sighed. I couldn't deal with this. My head was such a messed up place right now.

I decided to just go downstairs and see if there was anything good on TV.

I turned the corner to the living room; Zayn was stretched out across the couch, snoring lightly. I paused, letting my gaze wander to the perfection of his face. Up until now, I had tried to avoid looking at him directly, because I knew that if I did, I just would never stop. He looked so innocent, untainted by all of the bad things I had done to him just by staying with Niall.

All of a sudden, Zayn opened his eyes.

"You don't have to stare, you know," he smirked, getting up, and stretching, so I could see the beginnings of his boxers, and the bottom of his tanned stomach. I wanted to die right then and there.

"I wasn't staring," I muttered, crossing my arms. Zayn rolled his eyes.

"It's fine. If I was you, I'd be staring too…" Zayn said boredly, examining his fingernails. I felt my jaw drop, and I clenched both of my fists. I had forgotten that he was sometimes the most annoying person on the planet.

"Well someone has a high opinion of themselves," I muttered darkly, moving to sit on the couch. I didn't like this bitchy side to him. Not that I really deserved anything better, after what I had done. Part of me was skeptical, though. Was this really the boy I had debated calling during my trip?

Zayn put on some BBC news, and we both sat beside each other awkwardly on the couch. I could feel the tension stretched between us in the otherwise silent house. I wanted to say something to him, maybe apologize to him, but I couldn't find the words.

**Zayn's POV: **

Why was I acting so petty and immature towards Cara? The simple answer: I was so completely embarrassed and horrified by what I had done with the paparazzi scandal.

But I had to tell her. I couldn't live with this weight pressing down on my consciousness. I couldn't stand looking into her eyes until I told her. I had missed being her friend, talking to her in the casual way about everything. I had missed her company, and I needed it badly.

**Cara's POV: **

"I have to tell you something," Zayn said, muting the TV, and turning to face me.

"Shoot," I said, glumly, shrugging my shoulders. _Probably some story about him hooking up with some girl. _The thought was so upsetting I looked down at my hands immediately.

"It was me who told the paparazzi where you and Niall were. I'm so sorry. It was one of the worst decisions I've ever made. I was just so beyond mad that you went away without giving me any kind of warning."

I felt as if somebody was slowly sucking out all of the oxygen from the room. I stared at the flashing lights of the TV screen blankly. I was so angry, I didn't have any words left.

"Zayn, you are the type of guy I'll warn my daughters about. You think that because you're good looking, and lots of girls at school want you, you can just go around fucking up other peoples lives. But you can't!" I cried. I felt wetness on my face, and reached up to discover I was crying.

Zayn reached for me but I pushed him away.

"Cara! Would you just listen to me? I did what I did out of anger, and it was horrible, I know that…" I could barely catch his words over my sobbing.

"You just don't know what it feels like…. I just can't keep being your second choice, when you're my first!"

I stared up at him dumbly.

"I….I'm your first choice?"

"Cara, as far as I can tell, you're everybody's first choice! I hate that I have to stand here, jockeying just to try and talk to you!"

The idea of him having feelings for me was so ridiculous. I knew at one time, maybe, he sort of a little bit liked me. Yet here he was telling me I was his first choice.

"Of course, I only like people I can't have…" Zayn continued, releasing me, and staring at the TV with a pained expression on his face.

"Zayn, you don't get it: I want you. But for the longest time, I also wanted to get over you. And neither is happening."

Zayn gave me a look I can't translate into words.

"If you like a person, Cara, then its simple: you date them." I laughed, because it was not that simple, and I doubted it ever would be again.

"Zayn, don't you get it: I love Niall, too!"

"_Bullshit_, Cara. Bullshit, bullshit, and more bullshit. That's just your hormones talking. I've seen the way you are with him. It's nothing like how we are!" he exclaimed, grabbing my hand.

"Fine. That's true!" I relented, rejoicing in the first real touch we had shared in what felt like years.

"No, it's not fine. I'm tired of waiting. We've had this conversation before, but it ends right here. You either choose me, or you fucking loose me."

I stared at him uncomprehendingly. His dark eyes met mine, and he leaned closer to me.

"I can't explain what you do to me," I said. "I mean, I'd explain it to you, but your head would explode!" He chuckled.

"I think I actually know what you mean. But I can swear to you that you're not in love with Niall."

"I don't know Zayn. I know I have feelings for you. I think that's pretty fucking obvious." A small smile was starting to play on the corners of his lips.

"Well, good. Because I really, really want to have a relationship with you. None of this 'sort of maybe friends with benefits' thing. I need you to be my girlfriend."

I sucked in a gulp of breath. _Girlfriend_. I didn't mind labels, but what about Niall?

I took Zayn's hand and stroked it gently. "Let me call Niall." He nodded grimly.

I got up, grabbed my phone and walked out into the backyard. I closed the door firmly. This wasn't the kind of thing I wanted an audience for.

The stars had already started to come out, but from where I sat on the porch, they looked cold and distant. I'd thought maybe something outside would give me some inspiration, and help me find the right words to say to Niall. Now, that just seemed stupid.

I thought of the past few months I had spent with Niall. Of course I had been very happy. So happy that sometimes I forgot about Zayn. But only sometimes. The bottom line was this: if I went a few days without seeing Niall I was sad. If I went a few hours without seeing Zayn I was desperate.

I dialed Niall's number. I've never been religious, but as the phone rings, I pray desperately.

God. Jesus. Buddha. The Easter Bunny. If any of you love me at all, Niall will not answer this phone.

After five rings, I get his answering machine.

"_Nialler here. I'm probably at Nandos, and can't take your call, so text me. Or, y'know, leave me a message_."

"Niall, I can't do this anymore. Please don't hate me, because I'll always love you. I just can't be with you. It's not your fault, and I do want to be friends with you. You make me so happy, but I just can't. I'm sorry."

I hung up quickly and stared up at the stars one more time. It was probably one of the more pathetic messages I had ever left, but there was nothing I could do now.

I walked back inside and shut the door after me. I was shivering when I reached the living room, and without any prompting, Zayn got up and wrapped his arms around me. I looked up at him and truly studied his face, for the first time in ages.

His black hair was messier than usual, and there were dark circles under his eyes. His sideburns were long, there was a light layer of stubble along his jawline, and his lips looked chapped.

"Don't stare," he muttered. "I know I'm a wreck. I guess I just kind of fall apart without you," he said, looking down.

"Well, I don't think I'll be leaving much. Now that I'm your _girlfriend_," I said, smirking, holding him at arms length.

"I think you kind of like saying that. That you're my girlfriend," Zayn said, smiling right back.

I shook my head. "Oh no, not at all," I replied with a huge amount of sarcasm.

Zayn started laughing at my tone. I bit my lip.

"Ok, fine, I love it. I'm you're _girlfriend_. Take that, all those girls at school!" I said, laughing.

"What girls?" Zayn asked, furrowing his brow and grabbing my waist. I sucked in a breath. If he hadn't picked up by now that every single girl at our school would give their left boob and probably their right to go on a date with him, I wasn't about to tell him now. I was finally Zayn's girlfriend (ok, yeah, I completely love saying that) and the last thing I needed was more competition.

"Um, no girls," I said, pretending to become very interested in a square of wall above Zayn's head. "Did I say something about girls?" I joked, elbowing him in what I thought was a good attempt at casualty.

"Cara, you're a horrible liar. What girls?" Zayn turned the full intensity of his eyes on me. Damn. He wasn't playing fair.

I crumbled.

"All the girls at our school, Zayn! They're mad for you, and the other lads," I murmured, looking down at my shoes. Zayn paused. I groaned internally. He was probably thinking about a nice way to dump me, so he could get with one of the more popular girls at our school. Maybe one of the gum-chewing, overly-tanned Barbies who were always putting out.

"You're funny, Cara. I almost believed you, for a second there," Zayn said with a laugh. Now I was kind of pissed off. What? He didn't he believe me? Did he need prove or something?

"Zayn, you _do_ realize you're the best looking boy in our year, and it's not even a close competition, right?"

Zayn gave a single short laugh. "I think you're supposed to say that, since you're my girlfriend!"

I remained silent, waiting for my words to sink in.

"You're joking?" Zayn asked.

"I wish I was," I said with a sigh. "But don't worry, you don't have to dump me. I can take a hint, you can date one of the more pretty, popular girls. They all want you, after all. I don't mind. Really." I forced a laugh.

Zayn was giving me an incredulous look.

"Look, it doesn't matter if every single female on this planet likes me. Because I only care about one: you. So please stop being ridiculous."

I gave him a tiny smile.

"Do you really mean that?" Zayn laughs and nods. "Now how about some food? I'm kind of starving. And I think my _girlfriend_ might be too."

"Oh do you like the way that sounds, too?" I ask, wiggling my eyebrows at him. Zayn gives me an angelic smile.

"How could I not? It's only what I've wanted forever, after all. No big deal, or anything."

We walk to the kitchen and he pulls out a chair for me at the table but I shake my head.

"Zayn, you can't cook to save your life. At least let me help!" Zayn pouts for about two seconds, before he realizes I'm right, and gives in with a simple nod of agreement.

I walk over to the fridge and grab chicken for Zayn, and tofu for me. Zayn places the meat in one pan, the tofu in the other, and I start making the salad.

"Um, Cara, I think I'm burning it, could you um… oh god, is it supposed to be that black?" Zayn exclaims, looking over at me desperately.

I shake my head exasperatedly, and shove him out of the way gently. "Here let me," I say, and he hands over the spatula obediently.

"Looks like you tried to take out your newfound excitement on this defenseless chicken," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Not my fault," Zayn said, sulkily, leaning against the counter. "Besides it was already dead."

"Just be glad I'm not some feminist who doesn't believe in cooking for her significant other!" Zayn laughed, and moved to wrap his arms around me from behind. He gets what he wants, I turn around and melt right into him. I lean up and kiss him, slow and long, with one thought and one thought only running through my head: how did I go so long without him? Eventually, he lets me go.

I scrape the worst burn marks off the chicken, and add some lemon and basil, in a last ditch effort to mask the flavor of melted saucepan. I put the chicken on a plate for him, and the tofu on another for me. We sit down and start to eat.

Zayn takes my hand, and shovels a mouthful of chicken into his mouth with the other.

"Not bad, Martha Stewart," he jokes.

"Better than you, butthole." He grins.

"That wasn't very nice, Cara," he says in a sickly-sweet voice.

"I share my love via insults," I reply with a shrug., in an equally sweet voice.

Evie's POV:

"Careful," Harry instructs, offering me his hand as I slide through his window into his room. Harry took me for a little tour of his house. From his roof. No big deal. Lol, no I was dying, I'm terrified of heights. Still - it was the most exhilarating thing I'd done in a long, long time. If his parents found out, we'd have been dead. But it was all worth it, since we found some nice make out spots.

"Dinner time!" Anne (Harry's mum) calls. I look over at Harry and we both let out matching sighs of relief. I collapse into his arms and we hold each other, laughing at our perfect timing.

We break away, and he leads me down the stairs to the kitchen table. Gemma, harry's sister, is already sitting down, talking with Harry's dad. Anne is serving the food, steak, potatoes, and a salad. It all looks delicious.

"Oh, I better go home," I say to Harry. Ever since we got back from the Australia tour, I spend all my time at Harry's house. After school, we drive here together, and I stay as late as I can. Part of is because I love spending time with him, but it's also a relief to get away from my parents.

"Nonsense, you'll stay and eat with us," Harry commands, pulling out a chair for me. I give in. "I feel bad, Mrs. Styles. Lately, I've been practically living here!" I exclaim, sitting down. Harry gives his mom a pointed look and takes a sip of water. Underneath the table, he takes my hand and rubs reassuring circles into it.

"Yes, about that..." Anne begins.

Oh, she's probably going to tell me to back off of her son... Not that I really blame her...we spend almost every waking second together!

"Harry confided in me about your home life, and the troubles you've had with your parents..." I give Harry the evil eye, and he gives me a guilty look and turns away. I'm very embarrased about my home life and my parents, I didn't want him to go blab about it to his parents! I'm not some charity case!

"And, well, frankly, my husband and I just don't feel comfortable with letting you stay there a minute longer! I know I've only spent a few weeks getting to know you, but I already see you as a daughter. I guess what I'm trying to say is, will you move in with ur family?"

I was floored. I'd never met anyone as kind as the Styles family... just imaging not having to live with my parents, to not be constantly shouted at! Not having insults thrown at me daily! I couldn;t help but smile at the thought.

I looked over at Harry to see what he was making of all of this. He was grinning hugely - clearly it was all his idea. I beamed at each member of the Styles family in turn.

"I would love that," I said, simply.

"Yes!" Harry cheered excitedly. He got up and hugged his mom, who reached over to rub my shoulder encouragingly.

"Are you sure I won't be too much of a burden?" I asked, worriedly. It took a lot of money, time, and resources to take care of another child...

"Not whatsoever!" Anne assured me. Harry's dad shook my hand and Gemma gave me a welcoming smile.

"Now that that's been settled, let's eat!" Harry's dad decided.

**Cara's POV:**

After Zayn and I finish eating, we do the dishes together. Zayn catches me yawning as I dry the last plate.

"Bedtime," he announces, picking me up bridal style. Usually I would protest about being carried. I like doing things for myself…. Maybe I am a bit of a feminist? But it was pretty cute when Zayn did it.

He carried me up the stairs and into my room, setting me carefully on my bed.

"I should probably go to sleep now," I say softly, stifling another yawn.

"It's been a bit of a long day," Zayn agrees, flopping down onto my bed.

"Well aren't you going to…um, leave?" My inner self is screaming at my brain: YOUR BOYFRIEND, THE SEXGOD HIMSELF, IS LYING ON YOUR BED. YOU DO NOT ASK HIM TO LEAVE NO MATTER HOW TIRED YOU ARE THAT IS NOT ALLOWED ASDFGHJKL!

"No, no, I mean, wow that was rude, I just meant…." But Zayn is laughing, and he doesn't seem the least bit offended by my words.

"I'm sorry." I say meekly.

"Well I've been without you for so long. Do you think there is any small possibility I could stay the night?" Zayn asks. He's not begging, but close enough. My inner self is doing a booty dance of victory. THE SEX GOD IS STAYING THE NIGHT. PARTY ON AISLE NINE.

I bite my lip. "I suppose… that would be alright…" I say slowly, breaking into a huge smile at the end.

Zayn kicks off his shoes and reclines further on my bed.

"Ok, your wish is my command, Miss. Johnson."

"Well you're going to need to leave for a second. I have, to, uh, you know, get changed," I say, indicating in the general area of my closet as casually as I can.

"Oh come on, Cara! I'm no perv. I'm your _boyfriend_ now! I think I can at least be in the same room as you when you change!"

I gave in because a). I'm very very tired and b). its Zayn and we all know I'm putty in his hands. But I convince myself it's mainly the first reason.

"Fine, but cover your eyes, at least!" Zayn does as he's told, and I strip down to my bra and panties, and reach for my pajamas as fast as I can. I reach for the first pair I can find, and pull them on, not looking at the pattern at all.

"You can look now," I relent, turning around.

"Cats. Sexy." Zayn is staring me up and down and trying very hard not to burst out laughing.

I stare down at myself in horror. I have succeeded in choosing just about the most unflattering pair of pajamas I own. They're a light pink, long sleeved bottom and top, covered in grown and grey kittens in various stages of cuddling, milk-drinking, and yarn-play. I groan.

"Hold on, let me change into something else," I stammer.

"No. Absolutely not," Zayn says, getting up, grabbing my hand, and pulling me back to bed. I sigh. It's just Zayn, I remind myself. You don't have to try and impress him, he already likes you.

"I actually quite like cats," Zayn murmurs into my neck, pulling me closer.

"You and Harry both," I reply. Zayn chuckles. It's only then that I notice that he smells intoxicatingly good. His signature blend of aftershave and laundry soap.

"I missed this. You," I correct myself, luxuriating in the warmth of his body next to mine.

"Me too. Now please go to sleep," Zayn said, reaching over and dimming the lights.

"Tomorrows going to be an eventful day," he said.

"What's happening tomorrow?" I asked, settling into his arms and closing my eyes.

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see," Zayn muttered, before shutting off the lights for good, and giving me a final kiss.

**Harry's POV: **

That evening, Evie and I sat in my bed. We were watching old X-Factor videos together and laughing.

"Oh my god, I forgot that Zayn used to look like a baby possum!" I squealed in delight, pointing at Zayn. I wrapped my arm around her more securely.

"Awww, boo look at your outfit!" she exclaimed. "Hey, those polo shirts are pretty hot!" I argued, sticking out my tongue at her.

"Only on you," she amended me, giving me a kiss.

"I wonder if Evie and Niall had fun on their trip?" she mused aloud, shutting off youtube. I shrugged. "I texted her, but didn't hear anything back..." I said.

"Let's see if they're online?" she suggested. I kissed her cheek. "Sure." She handed me the laptop and I logged in.

Niether Louis, Zayn, or Evie was online. Liam and Niall were both online though, so I clicked on the icon of Niall holding a Nando's chicken wrap. Evie burst out laughing.

**Hazzalovesyou:** **Duuudddeeee what's up? How was Mexico? **

A few seconds later, Niall responded:

**Blondleprechaun: Well it WAS great...**

Evie grabbed the laptop out of my hands. "Oh my god? Why is he using the past tense? What does he mean by was?" I held up my hands tying to explain that I knew just as little as she did. She began typing furiously.

**Hazzalovesyou: ****Was? God Niall, I hope you didn't do something stupid like dump her!**

**Blondeleprechaun: Other way around: she dumped ME. Not that you care, sounds like you're just going to take her side! **

**Evie's POV: **

"They broke up?" Harry asked, reading over my shoulder. His voice just as incredulous as mine would have been. "I guess so..." I faltered. Even though it wasn't my relationship, there were fresh tears in the corners of my eyes. Harry turned the full force of his gaze on me.

"What's the matter love?" I bit my lip. "I just hate the idea of break ups," I said, trying my hardest to hold in my sobs. Harry seemed to understand just how upset I was. he pulled me into his chest. His soft brown curls tickled my cheeks lightly. "I just hate the idea of people leaving," I continued.

Harry rubbed my beck gently. "I'm not leaving you anytime soon, princess. No, I take that back, I'm not leaving you ever," he clarified. At his words, I relaxed completely into him.

"It's simple, really. You're the one for me. I'm the one for you," Harry said, kissing me, erasing all my worries, all my fears. Erasing everything.

**A/N: Hey guys! Hope you enjoyed the chapter, there is loads more to go! Also, please review and tell me what you liked/didn't like! Because of the feedback, I am going to keep the chapters at this length :) Also, don't worry, I haven't forgotten at all about Liam or Louis... they'll come back into this story in a major way sometime soon!**

**Please keep reading and reviewing, the only reason I keep writing is for you guys! I love you all so much! Have a great day, and recommend this story/spread the word if you want to make my day!**


	16. Chapter 16: Perfect Two(x2) NiallLiam?

**This Life I Live: A One Direction FanFiction (Chapter #16)**

**Zayn's POV:**

Cara and I woke up early. Just being able to say that. _Me and Cara. Cara and I_. I love the way it sounds. _Ok Zayn, stop being gay, tell her your plans for the day_, I commanded myself, shaking my head slightly.

"Cara, do you want to go on a picnic to the beach?" I asked, smiling at her. She returned my smile lazily, reaching up her hand to trail her fingers through my hair. Almost as if she couldn't believe that this was for real.

"Of course! Let me get changed!" I left Cara to get changed, and walked into my own room. I ran my fingers through my hair, and decided to take a quick shower and maybe shave. I know, if I was considering showering for this girl, she must be really special!

As soon as I was clean, I walked over to my closet. I wanted to look nice for her, surprisingly. No more of that "homeless teen" attire as my parents called it, that I had started wearing when she had been away.

After a serious internal debate, I settled upon black pants, a white T-shirt, a dark jean-jacket, black trainers, and a red hat. I mussed up my hair the way Cara liked it and walked over to her room.

She seemed to have had the same idea as me about showering, since her hair was slightly damp and she smelled of vanilla.

Together, we went downstairs, and made sandwiches for our little adventure. Cara grabbed a picnic basket, and put them inside, along with chips and soda.

We got in the car, put the basket in the back seat.

"Haven't even looked at my phone," Cara said, turning it on airplane mode. "This way we can't be disturbed" she said, with her signature laugh. I couldn't help, I started similing hugely, as I pulled out of the driveway.

I put on an Olly Murs CD in the background, and took Cara's hand as I drove. It fit so nicely in mine, and the conversation flowed naturally as we drove.

About an hour later, we reached the beach. I parked close, and we got out. The sun was just coming out from behind the clouds. "Oh look the sun! I forgot that existed!" cara joked. There was a slight wind, mussing up her hair, and she looked amazing.

"Its so gorgrous," Cara exclaimed, staring at the sunlight hitting the frothy waves in the distance. "Hold this," she said, handing me the picnic basket. Then she ran towards the water, doing a triple cartwheel and then a round off. I whistled through my teeth and ran to catch up with her. We were the only two people on the beach, since everyone else our age was at school, and everyone older was working. That's the nice thing about being a pop star, I guess: school is kind of optional.

We set up the picnic blanket and the basket, and ate the food we had brought. We ate slowly, both relishing the moment. After we finished, I pulled her onto my lap, and we cuddled. There was something just so comforting about the warmth of her body.

" I promise you that there hasn't been a day that I stopped wanting you," I said quietly into her hair. I didn't expect her to hear me, but she did.

"Why are you saying that?"

"I just want you to know that I'm really, really happy right now." Cara made no reply, but just leaned up to kiss me.

We spent the rest of the afternoon idly talking. It was perfect. Just the two of us.

As the sun began to set, we decided to pack up and head back to the car. Cara stared at her phone, which she had left on her seat.

**Cara's POV:**

I groaned, staring at my phone. But I needed to call Patricia and tell her that Zayn and I would be home soon, and not to worry. I really needed to stop freaking out my host parents so much!

I loaded the phone as Zayn pulled out of the beach parking lot and got on the highway. There were nineteen new messages from Niall and five voicemails. I smacked myself internally. What else had I expected, really? That Niall would just forget that I had dated him for four months, and that I had given him my virginity, and that I had told him I loved him? _Come on Cara, be realistic, that was never going to happen._

"What's the matter, love?" Zayn asked, staring at the pained expression on my face worriedly.

Before I could explain, my phone started ringing. I stared at it for a brief moment.

"It's Niall." I think my tone sort of conveyed how worried I was about answering it.

"Bloody hell, can't the boy take a hint?" Zayn spat, rolling his eyes.

"Be nice, Zayn," I murmured.

The phone rang again and I debated turning it off.

"Oh come on Cara, answer it already! You should end things once and for all, this time." I wasn't really sure I wanted to do that. But I had to. _For Zayn_.

I clicked the 'accept call' button with shaking hands. Zayn reached over, and pressed the 'speaker phone' option, before I could fight him off. Well, he was my boyfriend now, this wasn't exactly a private call. He was now just as much involved in this mess as either Niall or I!

"Cara, just what the fuck is going on?"

Niall's desperate voice filled the Range Rover and all at once, memories of Mexico, and Nandos, and his apartment came flooding back. I started shaking in earnest. I couldn't do this.

"Niall, we can't be together anymore. I'm sorry, but its just not possible," I choked out, looking everywhere but at the phone.

"She's with me now, mate," Zayn cut in, his voice icy. I felt the remanants of my heart jump around in my chest. Why was Zayn being so cruel? I felt so torn up for Niall.

"Cara, is that true?" Niall's voice demanded, thick with repressed emotion. I bit my tongue. My silence was all the answer he needed.

"Look, I'm not some puppy dog. I'm not going to keep coming back!" Niall shouted. I heard a smash and, part of my brain wondered what he threw to the ground in his frustration. _Maybe a plate_.

"Niall, I'm so so sorry…" I mumbled, holding my head in my hands. Hearing him like this is breaking my heart. Why couldn't have I had this conversation face to face? It might have gone better that way…

"Cara, I'm the best person you could have had. And you knew that. And now you're destroying that."

I was crying now, for real. His voice was filled with a malice I couldn't even fathom.

"Oh and Zayn? Fuck you!" With that, Niall hung up.

The sound of the dial tone filled the car. Without thinking, I grabbed the phone and slammed it onto the dashboard. The screen went dim and the sound petered out with a crackle.

I desperately wiped at my eyes and oriented my body away from Zayn. I didn't want him to see how upset Niall was making me.

Zayn sped up, and before I knew it, we were back in the driveway of our house.

Silently, Zayn undid my seat belt and pulled me onto his lap. I felt small and vulnerable in his strong arms. His chest was warm, and the constant lull and fall to his breaths was comforting. I gulped in his scent, became dizzy with it. Dizzy with relief.

"I'm sorry Niall said those things," Zayn breathed into my hair, stroking it.

"He's hurt. Its understandable," I said in a defeated voice.

"Not really, Cara. He needs to learn to leave you alone." I sigh. Zayn has a point: Niall is being awful. But I hurt him first. And even being with Zayn, I can't deny that what I had with Niall was really great, really special. He was the first person I ever loved. I couldn't forget that.

We got out of the car and went inside slowly, hand in hand. Zayn seemed to understand that I didn't want to be left alone, even for a minute, or else I would just break down entirely. He led me up to his room and we collapsed onto his bed. We seemed to be spending a lot of time in beds recently, the dirtier part of my mind noticed.

"School tomorrow," Zayn muttered, stroking away the tear stains on my cheeks absentmindedly.

"Yeah," I agreed. The thought of seeing Niall and Liam made me a bit nauseous. Actually, it made me want to find the nearest hole, crawl into it, and never come out. That was basically my 'coping mechanism', quite sad, really.

Zayn seemed to know I wasn't in the mood for talking, so he let me lie on his bed and text Evie, without interruption.

Eventually, he dimmed the lights, and slipped under the covers beside me. "Goodnight, love," he said softly, kissing me lightly.

I fell asleep in his arms, but not even that was enough to dull my nightmares, all of which centered on Niall yelling at me, over and over again.

**The Next Day:**

"Zayn, if you don't get up right this minute, you'll be in so much trouble, you won't be doing anything with the boys for a year, I can promise you that!" Patricia shouted, banging on Zayn's door.

Thank god it was locked! Neither Zayn nor I had decided to mention the new sleeping arrangements to Patricia. No need to make a fuss, right? Besides, we both loved having a bit of privacy to kiss and... stuff.

Zayn groaned, and his eyes fluttered opened. He gave me a crooked smile. "Morning," he whispered, rolling his eyes towards the door. "Sorry," he said. I chuckled.

"Coming, mum!" Zayn called, hauling himself out of bed. He walked over to the door and opened it a sliver, sticking his head out. He turned back to me. "Coast is clear." I grinned and ran to my room - before Patricia caught on to the fact that I was spending my nights locked in her sons arms.

I stared at my wardrobe for only a short second, before tugging on a fresh pair of black jeans, a grey V-neck, and a leather jacket. I shoved my feet into my Vans slip ons and walked downstairs in time to have Patricia shepherd me out the door. Zayn waved sheepishly from the Range Rover, and I hopped into the front seat.

He handed me a piece of toast, without butter, but with jam, just the way I liked it.

On the way to school, all I thought about was seeing Niall. The thought of his beautiful blue eyes made me physically sick.

"Are you sure I can't just skip school today?" I asked hopefully, making puppy dog eyes at Zayn.

"Is this about Niall? Are you nervous about seeing him?" Zayn queried. _Damnit, he knows me so well._ I nodded. There was no point in hiding it. Zayn pulled into a parking spot in the school lot, got out, and opened my door for me. I got out reluctantly and gave him a light kiss, making sure that nobody else was around to see us.

"Don't worry, love, it'll be fine," Zayn said, spinning me around and massaging my shoulders gently. I let out a sigh. Probably not, but better to face up to it, I reasoned.

In my first class, Biology, Harry gave me a huge grin. "Good to see you back," he mouthed, as the teacher began lecturing. That was probably the most surprising welcome back, I grinned to myself. But it felt nice, no less.

I saw Niall once in the hallway, but I ducked into the girls bathroom so I wouldn't have to face him. I was a coward, what could I say?

Then came lunch. I walked out of my class. I began to write a new text to Zayn asking him to come sit with me at lunch. I felt a hand touch the small of my back and I whipped around to confront Zayn.

I smiled despite myself. "You waited for me after class?"

"Isn't that what boyfriends are for?" Zayn murmured darkly, ignoring the glares every other girl in a twenty foot radius was giving him. He took my hand and I let out a sigh of relief. _Maybe I could do this after all_.

We walked outside into the courtyard, but Zayn was practically pulling me along, because of how much I was dragging my feet with reluctance, shame, and fear.

I caught sight of Niall. I didn't mean to, but it just kinf of happened.

He was a wearing a navy blue snapback, turned to the back (obviously), a white Henley, navy pants, and a pair of dark black Ray-Bans. His head was down, so I couldn't read his expression, but he was chugging from a water bottle. I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Zayn, do we have to?" I hissed through my teeth, shooting him a pleading look. With a roll of his eyes, he turned to face me.

"Cara, I know this is hard for you. But you have to confront these things head on, right? Besides, I'll be right beside you the entire time." Zayn mumbled the last part, pulling me into his chest and kissing the top of my head.

"Fine," I relented, and took his hand again. Together we walked to the table.

All four of the boys, except Harry, and some brown-haired girl I didn't recognize stared up at us. Niall promptly looked away, Liam just gaped at us. The brown haired girl gave us a very confused look. At least Louis gave us all a warm smile.

"Hey guys," Zayn said, throwing his backpack down and sitting down. I followed his example.

"Hi," Louis exclaimed. Nobody else said anything, and we sat in a prolonged awkward silence.

"Lou, where's Evie?" I hissed through my teeth. The brown haired girl visibly recoiled, and gave Louis a pissed-off look.

Louis, who had just taken a big gulp of Gatorade, choked and spit the Gatorade all over Niall.

"WATCH IT MATE!" Niall yelled, slamming his hands on his table. I cringed into Zayn's side, and he rubbed my arm comfortingly.

"Sorry, sorry!" Louis spluttered. "Uh, Cara, Evie and I broke up. Didn't you read my texts?" Louis' face suddenly turned the tiniest bit down trodden.

I gave him a blank expression. Was he joking or something? He and Evie were the most perfect couple on the face of the planet. Them breaking up would be ridiculous! Just... no. The thought of them _not_ dating was completely wrong!

"Yeah we broke up! Like you and Niall!" He continued. I watched wordlessly as Niall reached for the water bottle and drained about half, wincing. Beside me, Zayn flinched visibly.

"Yeah, no big deal, really," Louis exclaimed brightly, regaining his signature cheeky smile. "But I don't think you've met Eleanor yet!"

"Eleanor?" I gave him another lost look.

The brown-haired girl smiled at me and offered a hand. I shook it numbly.

"Eleanor Calder."

I was so shocked that all I could do was quote mean girls:

"Does she even go here?"

Louis looked highly offended, but Eleanor seemed to ignore my rudeness. "No, I do independent study."

"She's a model, you know," Louis cut in. "For Hollister." Eleanor started to blush. "Just a floor model, nothing really special…" The two began arguing, and I studied Niall at close range.

He hadn't said a single word to me since Zayn and I had sat down.

Suddenly the bell for the next class rang. Eleanor and Louis were still arguing back and forth, but then Eeanor flipped Louis the bird and walked away and Louis got up to go chase her. _Yeah, that relationship seems to be going great_, I thought to myself sarcastically. Oh yeah, I use sarcasm in my head, I'm cool that way :p

Liam, who had been staring at his phone the entire lunch period, being super quiet, grabbed his school bag, stood up, and walked away to his next class wordlessly.

Zayn stood, and I got up too. We walked to the doors of the school, and I stared back at the lunch table. The rest of the area was basically deserted, with only overflowing garbage cans as proof that high schoolers had ever been there. Niall was still sitting at the table, his hands clenched around the water bottle, his face a mask of pain.

"Zayn, you go on in to class. I need to talk to Niall," I murmured, trying to make it sound as casual as I wanted it to be.

Zayn shot me a deer-in-the-headlights look.

"Cara, you won't, y'know _do_ anything with him will you?" Zayn asked, his eyes filled with worry.

"I would never, ever, cheat on you," I said, staring him dead in the eyes. And just to make sure he understood that, I grabbed the back of his neck, and pulled him into a deep kiss. I disentangled myself quickly and he gave me a last longing look, before turning the corner to his next class.

I walked back to Niall's table with a renewed sense of purpose. I had to make this right. Niall looked so lost, pathetic, and pained. I knew the feeling.

I sat down, and Niall looked up then quickly back down.

"The bitch herself," he muttered, taking another sip of his bottle.

"Niall, give me that!" I demanded. He looked up, clearly surprised. He did not, however, surrender the bottle. In one quick movement, I reached over and plucked it from his hands. I unscrewed the top and poured the entire third of vodka down my throat. I swallowed, trying not to grimace, and tossed the bottle over his head and into the trash can behind him.

"Niall, I know you're upset about what happened, but you can't come to school everyday trying to get drunk out of your mind on the sly. You can't act like some wounded animal and then treat me like shit at the same time!"

"Oh please don't pretend like you actually care!" he shot back.

"Niall I still love you!" I cry, and just like that, Niall is taking off his glasses, and I can see his eyes are red and bloodshot from the alcohol, but also beautifully blue. And full of angelic hope. He reaches out for my hand, but I instinctively pull away.

"But I love Zayn. And with Zayn it's different. I don't know what it is, but it's there, and I can't ignore it anymore." Niall flinches as if I have tried to brand him with a hot coal.

"You're a really fucked up person, Cara. You're poison, the way you love passionately but then not at all."

His words hit me like a soccer ball smacking my face. I closed my eyes. I couldn't stare at him anymore, I was struggling to even form words with him acting this way.

_He hated me_. _One of the people I adored most hated me_. Niall was right, I was a really fucked up person for letting that happen. I sighed.

"I'm so, so sorry," I said, tracing a pattern in the wood of the table with my index finger, so I would have somewhere else to focus my attention other than his face.

"You're saying you're sorry, but you won't change," Niall said, turning away from me and crossing his arms over his chest.

"If I could, I would," I mutter. Even I realized how pathetic that sounds.

Niall snorts. "You ruined a really good thing. I hope you realize that sometime soon," he spat, getting up.

"Oh and I take back that 'I love you'. I could never love someone as petty as you," he said, walking away.

I couldn't help it. The tears slid down my face and I was powerless to stop them. I laid my head down on the rough table and sobbed silently.

**Liam's POV:**

As soon as I stepped out of class into the deserted hallway, I did a little moon walk of happiness. I twirled the bathroom pass above my head like a baton, completely realizing how much of a dork I would look like if anybody else decided to walk by. There was nothing I hated more than French class with Madame Marshall, and even a five minute break from the agonizing verb conjugations was amazing.

After being in a cramped classroom, I decided I needed some air, so I walked towards the courtyard.

I surveyed the empty courtyard—well, almost empty. There was a lone figure slumped against the table where I usually sat with the lads.

I stared at the figure one second longer before realizing that that wasn't just any girl. That was Cara.

Despite my better judgment, I walked closer, until I was standing right beside her. She was crying, and didn't look up. I stayed standing there, with my hands locked at my sides, for almost a minute, without her even registering my presence. Finally, I reached over and touched her shoulder. She shuddered.

"You, um, okay?" _God, Liam, you are such a twat! She is crying her eyes out and you're asking her if she's okay? This, mate, is why you don't have a girlfriend. Well that, and you're obsessed with a children's film…_

Cara doesn't reply, though.

"Are things going badly with _Zayn_?" I ask, trying to keep the malice and hurt out of my voice, as I say Zayn's name. It's not his fault Cara chose him. At least, that's what I tried to tell Niall last night when he showed up at my house drunk off his face and screaming about how much he missed her.

Cara shakes her head miserably sniffling and wiping at her face.

"No, with Niall," she mumbles. More tears are leaking out of her eyes and as she speaks, her voice is wavering.

"God, Cara, you fucking broke his heart, you know!" I exclaim. _And mine too_.

"He came over last night you know, and all he could talk about was Cara this and Cara that!"

Cara just cries harder.

Ok, fine, maybe I'm being a bit harsh. Clearly, she's not exactly happy with the state of things. I know I shouldn't care about her, after she chose Niall over me, and then Zayn. Yet somehow I can't deny that I love her so, so much. More than she'll ever know.

That's the real reason I sit down beside her and hug her to my chest. Not because I want her to be ok (I do want that, too, of course), but because I'm selfish, and I'll take whatever chance I can get to be close to her. She smells like vanilla and I breathe it in carefully, without trying to be obvious about it. Her skin is soft and her body is wonderfully warm, despite the December chill. Pressed against me, she feels wonderfully human and alive. _Oh don't be such a poetic dope, Liam._

I can't help myself: I rub her back soothingly and run my fingers through her soft hair.

Her chest is resting on my shoulder, and she is starting to take deep gulps of air.

Eventually Cara pulls away, her hand still locked in mine.

"Liam, Niall said he hates me." Her eyes are filled with so much worry and pain. I honestly don't understand Niall. Even after everything that Cara has inadvertently put me through, I could never _not _want her.

"He doesn't hate you! Well, he might right now…" I add. My words don't seem to be helping.

"Besides, Cara, sometimes you just have to accept that some people can only be in your heart, not your life."

"Liam, I can't take it! He's treating me awfully! I know I deserve it, but I told him I loved him! I gave him everything, and now he treats me like some kind of annoying and unimportant…"

"Shh, shh, don't get so worked up." I murmur, reaching over to stroke her cheek.

"You don't understand it. For the longest time, he made me so happy. And now he's making me so, so miserable."

I hugged her again. _If it helps, I'm in love with you_, I think to myself.

"Whatever happened to us?" I ask suddenly, and then immediately wish I could take it back.

"Oh, Liam, don't! Please don't do this to me."

I nod. "Look, let's just not…bring it up. I won't do that anymore. Sorry."

"No, it's not your fault. I just really can't handle anything more right now." I understand.

"No, Cara, you don't have to explain. I get it. Besides, I think we're better as friends." _Lies, lies, and more lies. You're the only person on the planet who makes me look forward to tomorrow. _

"Friends. Ok. Friends." Cara pauses. "Thanks so much, Li," she continues, touching my cheek. "I honestly don't know what it is about you, but you make me feel ten million times better."

"I try," I said weakly, wishing I could just kiss her right here and now and end this impossible "friends" bullshit.

The bell rings signaling the end of our last class. I get up and offer a hand to Cara, who takes it and lets me help her up.

Students begin to our into the courtyard, yelling and chatting amongst each other noisily.

Cara and I spotted Zayn walking towards us at the same time. Cara dropped my hand instantly, a guilty look spreading over her face.

"Liam, can we not mention this to Zayn? I don't want him to know how weak and pathetic I am."

"You're not pathetic, Cara. Niall's just a bastard," I reply. She laughs but then a pained expression flashes across her face.

"You shouldn't say that! He's your best friend! Look at me! I've only been her a few months, and I've already fucked up all of your friendships!"

Before I could think of a reply, Zayn had reached us, and was swinging his arm around Cara, studying her face with an intensity I had never seen him use before.

"Got to get to track practice," I mumble, backing away from the couple. Cara waves and Zayn gives me a fist pound. I stumble away.

_ You fucking idiot. Cara is perfect. You're just hurting yourself by trying to be friends with her, when you know you're in love with her, _the more rational part of my brain argues.

I feel a buzzing in my pocket and pull out my phone.

**1 New Message from Cara Johnson:**

** Thanks again, Liam. Thanks for making me laugh when I don't even want to smile. **

I felt as if I was being punched slowly in the stomach. Multiple times. "Friends" was the last thing I wanted to be with Cara. But maybe, just maybe, if I became her best friend, I could get her to fall in love with me.

**Zayn's POV:**

I drove Cara home, wondering how I was going to break the news to her. I barely had any time left.

Once we got home, Cara went up to her room to shower, pecking me on the cheek lightly.

Just tell her, already. She'll understand. But somehow I couldn't. Mainly because I myself didn't want to confront the reality of leaving her for a whole month, as the boys and I went on another tour.

**Cara's POV:**

I went upstairs to shower, but just as I was stepping in the shower, my phone started buzzing.

My brow furrowed in concern. The only people I could really imagine it to be was Liam, Zayn ( which didn't make sense since he was just downstairs) or Evie.

Evie. Shit.

I had promised myself I was going to call her right away, as soon as I had seen Eleanor and Louis together, especially since I hadn't seen her at school. I had a million questions for her, and I realized that in the past few weeks, I had been a really bad friend, focusing all my attention on my own life, while her relationship was disintegrating.

I grabbed my phone swiftly.

"Cara, do you realize how many times I have called and texted you this week?"

"I know! I know! Evie can I just say that I am so completely sorry for –

"Cara, Louis and I broke up!" Evie cut in, her voice completely even. Shouldn't she be hysterical or crying or something?

"I know," I replied, as I walked to my room, in only my towel. I made my way over to my closet and stared at my clothes critically.

"And I'm dating Harry! Actually, we're living together too-"

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I screamed, dropping the phone and my towel in the same second. "Fuck! What? No! What? Ah, I don't understand?" I exclaimed, too stunned to pick up my towel.

"Cara, what's the matter?" Zayn asked, shoving himself through my door into my room. His eyes ran me over for the briefest of seconds.

"Um, how about you explain after you cover up?" He asked, turning around on his heels. I shrieked even louder a second time, if that was even possible, while I re-wrapped myself in a towel. "I'm decent," I muttered, blushing a deep shade of crimson.

Zayn turned to face me, chuckling. "Don't worry, it was hot," he flirted. I rolled my eyes. "We have bigger issues, here, Zayn! Evie and Harry are dating, apparently!"

"Oh yeah, you didn't know?" Zayn asked, clearly surprised.

"No!" I exclaimed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Oh, I didn't think it was some kind of big deal..." he trailed off, before his perfect features contorted. "You don't, uh, like Harry, do you?" he asked uncertainly.

I burst out laughing and pulled him to me, hugging him close. "No," I said, in between chuckles, "No, not at all!" Zayn breathed out a giant sigh of relief, and his shoulders became less tense.

"Well that's good to know," he said, leaning down to kiss me. His hands rested on my hips. _Oh god, please don't let the towel slip_, I though silently, as I wrapped my tongue around Zayn's.

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed, pulling away and picking up my phone fro where I'd dropped it on the ground. "I kind of hung up on Evie! Oh my goodness, I still can't even comprehend that the two of them are dating! I thought she hated him?"

"I thought so, too," Zayn admitted. "But things can change pretty quickly, I mean, just look at us!" I nodded my head, that was very true.

"I'm just dying to know how they act around each other now that they're dating," I remarked, my curiosity getting the better of me. "I kind of think they'd just be _all_ over each other _all_ the time," I said, shuddering. Zayn sat down on my bed and laughed at my reaction. He grabbed my hand, and pulled me onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and just as he leaned down to kiss me, Zayn pulled back.

"I've got a great idea, how about you call Evie back and invite her and Harry to go to dinner tonight?"

"That's perfect!" I decided, getting up. "Just let me put on some clothes!"

Zayn helped me up, grinning. "Fine... clothes... whatever..." he sulked, turning away as I got changed. I called Evie and after I apologized about the whole dropping-the-phone-from-shock thing, I invited her and Harry out to get food.

"What food?" I could hear Harry asking in the background.

"Tell them pizza," Zayn said, nibbling on my shoulder, as I tugged on a T-shirt over my tanktop. I shooed him away.

"Zayn says pizza," I replied, as Zayn fiddled with my bra strap.

"Oh, and tell them that I have something exciting planned for afterwards," he mumbled, his breath hot on the back of my neck as he left a pattern of love bites along the curve of my shoulder blade.

It took everything I had to suppress a moan.

"Zayn says, that, he, uh, has something, like, exciting planned for after the pizza," I said, my mind barely functioning because of Zayn's hands, which had migrated to my butt.

"Zayn stop!" I cried out, with a giggle.

"You know what, you guys sound busy, I'll let you go. See you at the pizza place at six!" Evie replied, trying not to laugh at us. I hung up and turned on Zayn.

"Get out, you're too honry!" I exclaimed, playfully, trying to kick him out of my room. He overpowered me easily before giving me a long, tender kiss.

"Sorry for distracting you," he mumbled innocently when we came up for air.

**Evie's POV:**

I hung up the phone and then stood in Harry's room cracking up for a good minute. Harry was sitting on his bed, playing around with his phone, but he looked up at my reaction.

"God, you're such a freak," he muttered sarcastically. I crawled onto the bed, and into his arms, kissing his cheek. "Maybe, but you love it," I replied.

"Whatever," he said, shaking hsi head, and pushing me away gently, focusing his attention on his phone. He finished sending his text, and then looked over at me. "You never told me what was so funny?" he asked, his voice deep and throaty. Just hearing it sent a thrill of pleasure down my spine.

"Hah, it's nothing. Just as I was saying goodbye to Cara, I heard her giggle and tell Zayn to 'stop that' and I'm just trying to imagine him doing something really dirty to her!" I said, shaking my head and chuckling.

"You think they do dirty things?" Harry asked, pouting. "Dirtier than we do?" I had no idea, I hadn't thought about it. As sad as it was going to sound, Harry and I hadn't even gotten to second base yet, even though we'd had more than enough opportunities. We just wanted to take it slow. Well, we _had_. I was feeling bave; perhaps now was as good a time as any to try some stuff.

Instead of answering him, I posed a question of my own:

"Harry can we try something?" I asked, biting my lip and crossing my arms.

"Yeah of course, babe," Harry agreed, throwing his arm around me casually, his voice getting a tiny edge of excitement.

_Evie, you can't just ask for him to feel you up, or to give him a bj. I mean, that's not something you should have to ask! Like, he should ask, you cannot just bring it up! Besides, if he isn't trying anything with you, that means that he doesn't want you!_

Ugh, okay, I was chickening out on this one.

"What did you want to try?" Harry asked, giving me an innocent smile. _Okay, yeah, I'm not asking_, I decided.

"Can we go get some ice cream after the date?"

Harry gave me a confused look and shook his head lightly. "That's really the 'new' thing you want us to do?" he asked, clearly puzzled.

"Yeah... we've just never done it before..." I faltered. Luckily, Harry brushed off my weird behavior and agreed.

**Later, at the Pizza Place (Zayn's POV):**

"I thought you guys hated each other!" Cara blurted out, as soon as we sat down at the small booth. Harry and Evie were already seated together, facing us.

They both burst out laughing. "Not anymore," Harry replied, leaning over to give Evie a little peck on the cheek. "Aww, how cute," I teased, but Harry just rolled his eyes at me. "Suuuureeee mate."

We ordered pizza, and ate almost all of it.

"Oh my god, I'm so full, no way I can finish this last piece," Cara joked. "Come on, you used to date Niall! Didn't you pick up some of his eating skills?" Harry teased.

It was as if all of the air was sucked out of the room, and Cara gave Harry the most frigid, bitchy look I'd ever seen. Literally, I was so scared for Harry.

"Harry, Niall and I aren't together anymore," she said, practically spitting out the words.

"I didn't mean..." Harry trailed off weakly.

"No it's fine, that was my fault, I'm sorry, it's just been a long week," Cara said with a sigh, taking my hand.

"Hey, no hurt feelings!" Harry said, giving her a friendly smile to prove his point.

"Didn't you have some kind of surprise for us, Malik?" Evie asked, turning to face me. Yes, I did, more than one. But I still didn't know how to break the less pleasant one to Cara... that the boys and I would be leaving on tour in only a few days. Being apart from her would be unbearable for both of us.

"Yeah, come on, it's outside."

We paid the bill, and together, we piled into my Range Rover. We drove for only a few minutes, but the entire time, the others were bugging me about where we were headed.

"Relax, guys, I'm not going anywhere illegal!" I exclaimed. What we're _doing_ there might be a little illegal, though, I thought to myself with a little grin.

I parked on a deserted street on the outskirts of town, near my old house, the same house I'd lived in until I'd joined One Direction and we'd had enough money to move somewhere nicer.

On one side, there were the dirty, broken-down apartment buildings that I knew like the back of my hand. On the other side, was a brick wall, separating the city from a barren field.

I got out, and opened the door for Cara, as Harry did the same for Evie.

"Are you sure this place is safe, mate?" Harry questioned, looking about him as if someone was going to mug us. Which they could, if we stood around here any longer!

"It's fine," I assured, taking Cara's hand. I grabbed the plastic bag from the trunk that'd I'd gotten especially for the occasion. Harry put his arm Evie as we crossed the street.

"Here," I said, handing Harry the bag.

"Spray paint?" he marveled, pulling out a blue can of the stuff. "You want us to vandalise the city?" He asked. At first, I thought he was going to laugh, and hand the bag back to me, telling me that I was crazy for even thinking about it.

Then, I remembered this was Harry Styles; danger was practically his middle name.

"HELL YEAH!" Harry bellowed, grabbing three more cans. Together, he and Evie started attacking the wall in front of them.

"Here," I said, handing a can of red paint to Cara. "Want to help me?" I asked, as I opened up another can of blue.

Slowly, I wrote out my message. "Trace it," I whispered, putting my arms around her gently. She looked up at me with a goofy grin and nodded happily. She shook the can vigorously, and then traced the letters. Together, we stood back to admire our handiwork.

"Wow," she breathed, stealing the word out of my mouth. "It's perfect."

_Zayn + Cara: When Words Aren't Enough For Love, U Draw A Picture. _

Beneath the slogan was a heart with a caricature of us, holding hands. I'd practiced for days to get the image just right, so that anyone could tell instantly that the couple depicted was us.

"The more boys I meet, the more I realize I only want to be with you..." Cara said, quietly. Then she grabbed my jacket, and pushed me against the wall. Her lips as she kissed me were gentle, soft, but somehow urgent. As if she felt we were running out of time. As if the world was ending. And in a way it was.

"Oi, knock it off!" Harry yelled, taking off his shoe and chucking it at us. We both dodged, laughing, but not letting go of each others hands.

"Look what they made! How cute is that? Harry, why didn't you make me something like that?" Evie demanded. We turned to stare at what she and Harry had drawn. Harry had a very tasteful dick and halls, done in hot pink, and Evie had sketched a picture of Justin Bieber.

"He's hot, okay!" she defended herself, as Cara and I fell into each other laughing.

"Time to get home, I think," Harry decided, smirking.

"Okay, fine," Evie conceded, as the pair got into the back of the Range Rover. I leaned over and gave her a final kiss.

"Being with you is fun. That's it. And I love that," I said, giving her a smile. _She was my world, she was all I wanted_.

**The Next Morning (Liam's POV):**

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I groaned, and slammed my fist against the alarm clock before I forced myself ouf of my bed. I tugged on my sweats and Nike's, and slipped downstairs. Hurriedly, I grabbed a pop tart before I shut the door of my house.

I loved to go jogging, especially in the early morning, which was basically the only time I could run without being stalked by fans.

I shoved my ipod headphones in my ears, and began to run. As I ran, images of Cara ran through my head like some kind of movie. Before I knew it, I was in what my parents always referred to as the "sketchy" part of Bradford. There were dumpsters overflowing with trash and broken bottles littered the street like the remains from some whacked-out bender.

Usually, I never strayed this far from home, but for some reason, I couldn't stop myself. When I reached a stretch of wall, I collapsed exhaustedly.

Five minutes, I decided, to rest, before heading back. I breathed in and out slowly, trying to erase the painful memories of Zayn and Cara together.

I stared at my watch: my five minutes were up. I stood up slowly and then broke into a jog.

That's when I saw it. I stopped running instantly, and stood stock still in the center of the street. Wordlessly, I stared at the wall. Amongst patches of gan signs and other tags, there was a detailed cartoon of Zayn and Cara, holding hands.

Without even thinking, I threw up on the side of the road. I stood there a second longer, dry heaving, my body unable to cope with the rage, sadness, and pain I felt.

Okay, I was putting Plan Cara into action today, as soon as we got to school. It was decided. Oh hell, Zayn had no idea how charming I could be when I wanted to! _Bastard_.

**Harry's POV:**

"Mmmm, but I don't want to get up," Evie protested, sleepily. Her voice in the mornings was adorable. "Come on," I murmured, nuzzling her until she opened her eyes. I gave her a light kiss, as I got up and headed into the bathroom to shower.

The hot water hit my body, and I instantly relaxed. It didn't do anything for the constant loop of worries that had been plaguing my mind for the past few days. I wanted to take it slow, physically, with Evie. I'd never cared about another person the way I cared about her. I'd waited so long to be with her, the last thing I wanted to do was take it too fast and ruin things! But I was so afraid of hurting her, that all we'd done was kiss! I knew pretty soon, we'd get there. Call me a gentleman, but I just didn't want to pressure her.

_Ugh, Styles, grow some balls_, I commanded myself. Besides, you have to break the news of you leaving soon, anyways.

I got out of the shower, and threw on a towel. I walked back into the bedroom, where Evie had dozed back to sleep.

"Come on, wakeup up!" I growled playfully into her ear, and she sprung up. "Shit, Harry, don't scare me like that!" she cried laughing.

"Hey, can we have a talk?" I ask, taking her hand and playing with her fingers. "Yeah, sure, about what?" she asked, her eyes instantly clouding over.

"I'm going to be going on tour soon..." Her face fell instantly, and my heart felt as if it was being kicked repeatedly. Call me reckless, stupid, crazy, impetuous, but I had to invite her along! "...and I was wondering if you'd come with?" I ask, my voice shaking. _What if she says no? What if she's getting tired of me? The one girl I really like and now she doesn't feel the same..._

"Harry, I'd love to!" she exclaims, her face lighting up like a kid on Christmas morning.

_Thank god!_

"But..." she trailed off, giving me a knowing smile.

"But what? I'll do anything! You can even bring six suitcases, if that's what it takes!" Evie shook her head laughing.

"But you have to promise me that i get to be in charge of room temperatures!"

I laughed along with her, leaning in for another kiss. "Deal," I said, just as our lips met.

_I wonder if Zayn is planning on bringing Cara, _I pondered, as Evie got up to take her turn in the shower_. I kind of doubt it, they are still in the "honeymoon stage" of the relationship. Which Evie and I are definitely no longer in! _

To prove that, I slapped her butt as she walked past me. "Hey!" she said, turning on me and looking pissed off for only a second before her face fell back into the familiar smile that I seemed to be addicted to.

"You're just lucky I like you enough to keep me around!" Evie said.

_Yes, yes I actually am. The luckiest guy ever, _I thought to myself_. _

"One more kiss?" I begged. She bent down and our lips met for the briefest of instants before she pulled away.

_I must have been a god in a past life to deserve a girlfriend this good, _I decided, as I collapsed back on my bed with a contented smile on my face.

**A/N: Hey guys, long time no update. Sorry, sorry, I've been busy but I'll try and update more soon! I just write when I have time and when the story inspiration comes to me, so I apologize if it's not updated as much as you guys want, but I'm trying my best!**

**PLEASE PLEASE KEEP WRITING AND REVIEWING! It motivates me so much, and tells me exactly what you guys want. For example, I brought more of Liam back! I am also trying to put as many different POVS into each chapter as I can, so please review and tell me if u like it :) Love you all, and thanks for reading this far!**


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